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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24475456">Life After Snowpiercer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbieBambi/pseuds/AmbieBambi'>AmbieBambi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Life After Snowpiercer [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Snowpiercer (2013)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>82,238</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24475456</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbieBambi/pseuds/AmbieBambi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Curtis leads the Revolt against Wilford to take over the train and change everyone's way of life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Curtis Everett/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Life After Snowpiercer [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Almost Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Days before Revolt, Curtis fills you in on plan. Sexual Content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your scrambling among the passengers, soft mummers and curses once in a while falling from someone you accidentally clipped in the cramped quarters. Apologies falling from your lips in a soft rush as you tightened your threadbare jacket tighter around yourself, and huffed soft breathes into the collar. Your breaths collected in the fabric, warm and moist, pressing your lips and the tip of your nose into the musky fabric. Clean clothes didn’t exist, haven’t in the 17 years you existed in this dark speeding Hell, but at this point the smell of it all wasn’t even noticed. Warmth was much more of a luxury at this point, one frequently sought for by everyone in the tail end. You had such plans for some tonight. After this of course. </p><p>Towards the center you could see where a soft light emitted from a few barely working light bulbs, and a curtain blocking off a small cubby. Poking your head in, you were greeted with a chorus of y/n, small grubby hands reaching out to welcome you into there pig pile of a cot. Orphans of the train, it took all of the tail end to raise them, try to keep them hidden from Claude. You shush them with a giggle and check them over, giving cuddles to the smallest ones who sought it. </p><p>“Hey rugrats, I brought something for you.” </p><p>“What y/n?!”</p><p>All five of them scrambled in closer, clenching their hands in excitement and bright-eyed as you dig into your pockets, and pull out the surprise. You had bargained with one of the passengers who somehow still managed to have a pad of paper. It was yellowed with age, rippled from moisture over the years and sported a few tears, but the kids knew no better. To them, this was the epitome of what Santa Claus once was for the world. In your other pocket, you pluck out pieces of coal that you scrounged for. The flinty pieces was awkward in the kids smaller hands, fumbling it till they had the grasp you had shown them before. Moving to sit cross-legged, you spent a few minutes splitting the pages so each of them had a small bundle.</p><p>“Okay, you all have to share. This is all there is, so little pictures.”</p><p>Nods and promises were given, and you kissed there bowed heads, there focus now on this new wonderment. There was a promise that someone would be back in the morning to deal with breakfast, You slip out and straighten the curtain to block the light from any visitors from the front of the train. It was relevant they remained out of sight, out of mind. Claude get sight of them, they would all be dragged to the front. Your jaw clenches at the thought, painful memories you weren’t ready for assaulting you until you pushed it towards the back of your mind once more. One day you would deal with the trauma, but not today. All of your lives at this point was about survival, old memories had no place here. No, its about the future. </p><p>The never-ending chill creeps up your back as you make your way towards the front of the train, counting the dark bunks as you make your way forward. Curtis would be waiting for you, just as he had been for the past few months since he moved you officially into his bunk. Dancing around each other for years, having become friends in their bid to maneuver survival. You had seen Curtis go from a scared teenager doing the unthinkable for survival, to the man he is today, a leader in the making. You trusted him more than anyone else, and would only follow his leadership short of Gilliam. <em>Finally,</em> you think as you get to your destination. </p><p>“Hey Edgar, just me,” you whisper to your friend in the bottom bunk as you place your foot against the edge of his cot, not to startle him as you heft yourself up to the top. He says something into the bundle he uses as a pillow, but you miss whatever he said. On hands and knees you slip inside, Curtis stretched out near the wall of the train, and you turn around to adjust a blanket you had hung up to give a sense of privacy. Sure there really wasn’t any, nothing they did was hidden from anyone else. But it was still a nice idea. </p><p>“That was quick tonight,” Curtis said as he moved to sit up, readjusting his black cap that had slipped slightly on his closely buzzed head. You crawled over closer, wrapping arms around his neck and leaning in against the plane of his chest, nuzzling his neck in an affectionate way. What can you say, You missed him today.</p><p>“You should have seen them Curtis, they were excited to get that paper. Can you believe Tam kept it all these years? It was worth trading in that ring.” You had carried around your mother's engraved ring for years, the stones still embedded in it shockingly, birthstones of yours and your brothers. It was a luxury item, purely held for sentimental reasons and of no value anymore. When you heard of the notepad, you retrieved it from the few items you still owned, and made a deal. It hurt to part with, but now you know it was worth it. </p><p>Curtis hummed softly in agreement as his fingers loosened a curl at the nape of your neck, letting it twirl around his finger while he listened to you describe the rest of your day, his fingers encasing it between the tips to feel the softness. You wiggle in closer and slide your hands into his jacket he was still sporting, warming your digits among the many layers he was wearing. Settling right into his lap, you tip your face up to give him a kiss hello.</p><p>“Were you able to get a fresh batch of Kronoles?”</p><p>“They sent up a fresh batch, be careful this shit is strong. I was getting light-headed handling it.”</p><p>He pulled out a wrapped kerchief from one of there stash sections, and your nose crinkled at the fumes. You were used to many things, but that heavy fumed waste was not one you could tolerate. </p><p>“I can't believe anyone can stand that long enough to get high.”</p><p>His mood was serious as he shoved it away again, in the dark you couldn’t see it on his face. But the weight of it all made him into a hard man, the set lines of his mouth didn’t often upturn in a smile enough for your liking. Your hands slide down along his neck and over his shoulders. You could feel the many layers between the two of you, but still, his warmth seeped through. Shivering slightly, you lean in against him and trail the tip of your cold nose against his neck. </p><p>“So what's the next step? I know you went to see Gilliam today”</p><p>Curtis let his hands rub up and down your side, leaning back against the cold metal wall and brought you with him. Your eyes closed as your head leaned against his shoulder, listening to him describe what had happened. </p><p>“He thinks we should wait y/n, for another message. They are coming more frequently now. Were almost set. Just a few more barrels to make the ram…. “ He drifted off and you lifted your head when you didn’t hear him continue. Tugging lightly on his shirt to bring his focus back instead of getting lost in his train of thought. </p><p>“But you don't agree with Gilliam, do you?” you filled in the blank pause questioning, lowering your voice so no one bypassing or Edgar underneath could hear your conversation. </p><p>“I shouldn’t question it I know. But why wait any longer? Y/n we have been back here long enough and I don't know how much longer we can live in this shit hole.”</p><p>Curtis confession made your chest ache, his voice so much more then what he was actually saying. The weight in it all made you want to curl in on yourself and just drift away. Nothing more did you want to do then to take that out of his voice. Turning slightly in his lap, you cupped his face and kissed him. Slow and gentle in your touch, your tongue traced along his full bottom lip till he opened to you. Shivering in reaction as he took control of the kiss, when you pulled back in a slight pant to entice him further. Your hands moving to link together behind his neck, looking in those shadowed blue eyes of his.</p><p> “Curtis, warm me up, please…. been fucking freezing all day” </p><p>Shifting his weight to plunge you back into the bedding, still holding onto his neck while unfolding your legs to stretch out and part your thighs so he could settle in between them, his weight pressing against your core. Laying this way, a bit of light shone through a hole in their curtain and you could see his blue eyes turn vividly aroused, now the corner of his mouth lifting enough to show amusement.</p><p>“Cold huh? Well let's change that shall we?” Always was he falling back into caretaking mode, you knew he felt best taking action. Any form of action. </p><p>Your head tipped back enough to allow the slim column of your neck to be tasted, nibbles and licks right by the pulse, right where he just knew would make you clutch at him in excitement. His hands slipped between the two of you and dragged your shirts up. Lifting enough to tug them over your head, and ball them for a cushion behind your head, you sighed softly as his hand palmed your breast. Fingertips circling the aerola before sliding over the tip. He watched your face when he lowered his mouth over the eager spot and sucked, tugging just enough to make it tighten, a guttered gasp escaping your lips. Your hands slid over his cap and tugged it away. You needed to touch him, not some god damn clothing. Your fingers brushed along his scalp, the prickles of short hair soft. </p><p>“Mmmmhh, I can't wait till this is a bit longer again.”</p><p>He hummed against your breast, nipping in play at your nipple for what you said. “Any excuse to hold on to it right? Warming up any baby?”</p><p>“Oh I am warming up quite well, have you done this before?”</p><p>You teased as he moved to the other breast, using his hand now to continue teasing the first one, not allowing you to lose that rush. Your blood heating where his touch lingered, making you clench his hips in your thighs because that warmth was traveling downwards, and it felt. <em>Oh. So. Good</em>. His head lifted and now when the light caught his eyes, there was certainly a bit of teasing in them. His palm cupped between your thighs, his heel of the palm grinding just enough to put pressure on your clit, making you arch your back and push back looking for more. </p><p>“A time or two, its hard to keep my hands to myself.”</p><p>His fingers continued rubbing you through the cloth, making you mewl softly and wriggle in place. Continuing his assault on your senses, his beard following the flow of your body and fingers went to slip into the bands of your bottoms. He was sure to go through all the layers till the elastic of your panties was found. Without needing prompting, your hips lifted so he could draw them down. A sharp nip to your belly, he shifted back onto his knees and slid the offending clothing away with your help, kicking your legs gently to rid of the pants. Here you were, without a thread of clothing on, and all he had yet to loose was his cap. You narrowed your eyes at the circumstance that always seemed to happen. He had a way of distracting you, that was for certain.</p><p>“Why is it I’m always naked before you even lose anything, Curtis?” you attempted to sound in shock, but horribly failed at that. Your hands slide over your chest and down your stomach with a moan. That brought a smirk to his face as his hands slid along your knees towards the inside of your thighs to spread them for him. His head cocked a bit and teeth pulled at his bottom lip as he admired the sight before him. </p><p>“Because your a sight for my sore eyes, and like I said before. I can't get enough of you, especially like this.”</p><p>It brought out a giggle, fuck if that man didn’t know how to make you fall for him, and he lowered himself between your legs. His beard dragging along quivering thighs and a hand spreading lips to the pink warmth of your core. Anticipation had you whimpering softly and biting at the inside of your cheek. </p><p>That first drag of his tongue slicing through your arousal caused you to gasp, although you two have been intimate plenty of times, it just felt that good to be touched by him. From your entrance to clit, the swirl of his tongue captured the bud and pressed, pulled, pressured out the release of your juices. Your legs widened further, bracing a foot against the cold metal of the train wall, and your other heel braced against his lower back, curling your toes to dig in. Now his laps against you were faster as he collected all you released, his heavy hand bracing against your stomach, your muscles fluttering under his palm. Holding you down for the moment. His groans traveled through your body, a vibration that collected in your body as you gave a whiny moan, your fingers lacing behind his neck to press him against you tighter, <em>fuck yes</em> he can bring you high as he wanted, you will jump off that cliff any day for him. </p><p>“That's right Baby, let me have it all.” Curtis bit your bud lightly before pulling back, spitting on his fingers for added lube and spread it all over your core. A long digit pressed at your entrance, and opened for him, clenching and pulling, welcoming the fullness, causing you to hiss between your teeth. He watched you build up, pulling back out and adding another, stretching you further for him. A curl of his knuckles pressed his fingertips to a soft spongy spot, and from that blossomed a white hot pleasure. Another drag of his tongue collected what you released from around his fingers and he encouraged you on with urgent words while your thighs started to clasp around his head, so close. </p><p> “Let it go Baby, you know you want to”</p><p>“You can do this, your so fucken hot all needy like this”</p><p>“Fuck baby, I cant wait to be inside you”</p><p>And the final one that sent her spiraling. “Cum for me now” </p><p>One of your hands let go of his neck to cover your mouth, clenching your channel around his fingers to the point it ached all the muscles in your core, seeking that touch only he could fill you with. His free hand steadied your hips as they jerked and grinded, finally loosening your hold on his head and looking up at him trying to catch your breath. When he lifted his head, your arousal was all over his chin, caught in the hairs of his beard. The back of his hand swiped across his lips while you slowly came back down from your orgasm. </p><p>Unclasping your hand from over your mouth, you stretch a bit, while Curtis shrugged off his own jacket, and pulled shirts over his head. When he was like this, he looked HUGE, wide shoulders sliding down to lean hips, his body marked with a spattering of scars from various times in their dangerous life. There were no Doctors in the tail-end, they had to manage on there own. You couldn’t see the long one along his rib, but when he leaned over you, traveling back up your body with kisses and nips, your fingers sought it out, tracing it lightly. </p><p>“That was good, are we doing round two now?” You whispered as his chin brushed between your cleavage, trying not to yelp when he gave a warning nip to the underside of your breast.</p><p>“As if you would say no to me Baby!” He retorted as his hands unbuckled his belt and his pants slid down enough to release his cock, hard rigid length pressing against his lower stomach, his hand circling it at the base. The sight of him welled up heat, blossoming in spirals in your abdomen, sinking low in an ache.</p><p>Already you were tilting your hips, ready to take him. Covering you with his body, a hand directing your leg to lope over his hip, and sliding the head of his cock between your folds. You arch again when he nears your entrance, whimpering into his mouth that met yours. You wanted him, Needed to feel him. And that desire was met when he pressed his hips forward to fill your channel. Pausing when you would whimper and tighten, he would pause to stretch around him before continuing. His forehead pressing to yours and when you looked at him, you could see the muscles in his jaw clench, under your hands his shoulders were bunched withholding himself on his forearms. </p><p>You felt so full of him, when he bottomed, a gasp escaped you, burying your face into his neck, breathing deeply. You could hear his own ragged breaths escaping from where he was holding himself still till you were ready. Your hands moved to his back and grasped the expanse, brushing your lips along his neck, whimpering your need to him</p><p>“I need you Curtis”</p><p>And that was all it took, his hips jutted and pulled back, slow at first til he sped himself up, bouncing you slightly off your bunk, your other leg loping over his hip and tightening to draw yourself in closer. Spiraling heat started at your spine and wherever his skin met with friction against yours it burned, in all the best ways. Your moans and whimpers turned higher-pitched, and your fingers raked down his back now to grasp his tightened ass, Pulling him in closer, deeper, harder. Hips rutting in and out till <em>YES,</em> he hit your trigger and you yelled his name urgently. He swore above you and clasped a hand over your mouth to try and muffle it. If anyone didn’t know what you two were doing earlier, they certainly did now. Your eyes rolled back, and your channel tightened around his member, finding this time the fullness you craved before.</p><p>You didn’t even warn him, your orgasm ripping through you. In the darkness you could hear him grunting above you, deep thrusts and the word FUCK hissed before he pulled from you, thick streams of seed spilling across your stomach and thighs. Still smothering you underneath him, kissing your neck and shoulders, now gentle caresses soothed along your shoulders and neck to bring you back to him. Your fingers loosened their grip and smoothed up his back while you both returned, heavy breathing turning steadier. You winced when your hands found welts your nails had caused, muttering in his ear. “Sorry”</p><p>Curtis lifted his head and kissed your lips in a far more innocent way than before, shifting slightly so he wasn’t trapping you underneath him any longer, He finished kicking off his pants he hadn’t managed to remove all the way earlier.  Reaching behind him, he searched for anything to wipe away his seed away. You purred at the tender touch on your still heightened skin, nerves thrumming pleasure along your senses.</p><p>“Why are you sorry? That's nothing you haven’t given me before. Also a good reminder tomorrow of the fun we had.”</p><p>You rolled your eyes at him and when he laid back down, you moved to crawl into his hold, head resting on his shoulder and weaving your legs between his. His arm reached in the dark until he found his heavy coat and other pieces of clothing that could be used to cover and slid it over the two of you. You buried yourself into all of it, finally warm and now your eyelids felt heavy. His hand slid along your hip and the back of your thigh, further lulling you into bliss. </p><p>Beneath you two after several moments of silence, you could hear Edgar grumble in the bunk below and Curtis snap at him “Shut up Edgar”, leaving you hiding your heated face and laughing before drifting off into sleep. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Breakdown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Day before the Revolt. Front enders take some of the children. Sexual content and Violence.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="tmblr-attribution"> </p><p class="tmblr-attribution"> </p><p><em>Whoosh Whoosh Whoosh</em>, in your sleep even the sound of the train predominated your dreams, making you curl up further, seeking out a lifeline. Your hand slid across the blankets, and was surprised when it met with a solid body. <em>Curtis</em>, your mind lazily sunk into a spot of content knowing he hadn’t left yet. Surprising since he typically will slip out during what they all assumed was morning. Make sure nothing had happened to any of the tail-enders during the night. But not today.</p><p>Opening your eyes into slits, you would see his wide shoulders blocking out the little bit of light the aisle provided, and you pressed in closer. In his own sleep, his arm loped around your hips and spooned you in against his body, his face pressing into your hair and inhaling deeply. His hand spanned against your lower back and his fingers worked slow deep circles in the dimples, bringing out a soft sigh to escape from your parted lips. </p><p>“I could get used to this you know” you whispered to him.</p><p>You weren’t going to question why he chose to remain today, Take the good where ever you can get it, is a frequent thought of yours. Your hand smoothed along his chest and smiled before leaning in to catch his lips, and damn if that didn’t make him groan deep in his chest, his arm tightening enough to drag you with him to sprawl across him when he rolled onto his back. You laughed softly and wriggled down his body enough to rest your chin against his chest.</p><p>“Mmmhh, I wasn’t ready to leave just yet.” He mentioned softly, cupping the globes of your ass and sliding his hands along the back of your thighs to slide them around his hips. Gripping slightly and rolling your hips against him, he smirked. “And why would I ever leave this?”</p><p>“That's a good question, have we ever spent an entire day like this?” your brows lifted at your inquiry and before he could give a proper answer, there was a shuffle of there curtain, which caused Curtis to move what you two were using as blankets further over the two of you to cover up. Edgar's head poked into view, not in a much better mood than last night when apparently you two were keeping him awake. </p><p>“Good you two are awake. Tonya said Timmy got a protein block with a capsule, about time they sent another bloody one, been a few weeks now.” It was impossible to hide that excitement edging his voice. “But Bloody Timmy wont give it up.”</p><p>Curtis nodded as he sat the two of you up, leaving you to clutch the clothing to your chest. “Alright, give me a few minutes and I will be down.”</p><p>When Edgar shoved the curtain back, you slid away from him and started to help sort through the mess of a bed, tossing his clothes over at him while wriggling into your own. Grasping his cap, you slid it on his head while he shrugged into his coat, catching a quick kiss and wink. </p><p>“Go show them how its done.” </p><p>When he slid out of the bunk, his boots echoed the metallic sound of the aisle, and his voice called out the boys name, Edgars foot steps following behind. Taking a moment to straighten out your living area, you also slipped out, landing softly on the balls of your feet.</p><p>On your way to get “breakfast” following the line of people trudging towards the gate where guards waited with a cart full of gelatinous black bars considered food. Among the other passengers, the older ones spoke of what they missed, Bacon and eggs, steak and potatoes, chocolate. Your eyes close to get lost in the memory of actual food, what you wouldn’t give for any of those, all you could remember though was a memory of it. Glancing at the guards as you got closer, they appeared to not be paying any attention to anyone, debating something front end related and showing off there assigned weapons. When your turn arrived, you hands went into the slimy mess and you attempted to squeeze two together to grab extra, but a guards hand grasped your wrist, squeezing. The bones felt like they would snap and you struggled to pull your arm away, a look of fear crossing your features.</p><p>“DROP IT!” He snarled at you, unrelenting as he gave a shake. “One for everyone” And that’s when your fingers dropped it, and he shoved you back to sprawl against whomever was behind you, grasping your wrist in against your chest. Reaching in, he grabbed a bar and tossed it at you, snapping out “Get lost before I change my mind.”</p><p>Choosing not to notice any further, you pushed past the group and headed down towards the end. You could see Curtis, Edgar and Tanya trying to bargain with Timmy, the boy had managed to squirrel his way up into the higher bunks, dangling his legs over the edge and grinning down at the three of them. Edgars made useless threats that didn’t scare the boy at all. </p><p>“Timmy you get your ass down here or else your mamas gonna give you a whooping”</p><p>“Come on Timmy, you can have mine too, whaddya say?” Tonya cooed up at him, somewhat amused at the men trying to bargain with her son.</p><p>Coming up beside Curtis you made like you were about to bite your protein bar, and glanced up at Timmy. “Mmmmhhh mine is still nice and warm. The very best there is.” you noticed his interest peak and you turned away from him, still rambling about how much you wanted it. Curtis piped up, pulling himself up some of the bars so he was more level with Timmy. “Listen, I bet Y/n will trade with you, I mean…. she wouldn’t for me, but for YOU she might, she actually likes you. But you ask her nicely, she might even take you to go draw on actual paper.” </p><p>Timmy seemed to contemplate it for a moment, looking down in his hand at the bar he had clutched tightly, now misshapen from his tight grip. Then back at Curtis who gave a nod and encouraging grin. Finally, Timmy's voice called your name. You looked over your shoulder just as you were about to take a bite.</p><p>“Yes Timmy?”</p><p>“Wanna trade? Curtis said if I ask really nice, you would.” His entire face looked hopeful. “Plus I heard you found paper. I will trade if you share.” </p><p>Looking down at your bar, you hand it over to Curtis “Deal, you give him yours, and if its okay with your mom, we will go play with the other kids.” Crisis averted, Tanya nodded and Edgar let out a relieved noise. Curtis made the trade and fist-bumped with Timmy, the two of them making a blowing up motion with there hands. </p><p>“That’s right dude, gotta watch each other's backs, right?” It was clear to see the affection Curtis had for the boy, he had as much a hand in raising him as the boys own mother did.</p><p>“Come on down now” Tanya urged him while Curtis offered the boy his arms to jump into, climbing down him just as easily as he had swung up into the bunks. Timmy took a big bite of his protein bar and reached for your hand. You winced at the accidental grip Timmy gave you, your wrist still sore from being crushed earlier. It hadnt missed Curtis notice, his brows arching in question. You shake your head in a its no big deal motion. Sure he would inquire when you were alone later. </p><p>“Can we go now Y/n? Mama its alright I go with her?” Tanya gave a kiss to the top of his head and shooed you two along. Curtis and Edgar wasting no more time to go to Gilliam's space and open the capsule. Already someone had brought the kids breakfast so you didn’t have to worry about that. Along the way you managed to pick up a few more of the tail ends kids. Considering what you could do with the group to entertain them, you opened up the curtain and plopped down on the edge of the bunk.</p><p>“Let's see your drawings? I brought some friends today, maybe we can all share some paper and charcoal?” </p><p>The one thing about the kids, they were all giving, not like the early days you remember when it was a battle of survival. Almost turning into inhumane beings just trying to protect yourself. You watched as one gave Timmy his own piece of paper, and snapped there charcoal in half, one of the kids who came with you split his protein bar with another who whimpered about still being hungry. For the next few hours, you retell old fairy tales or make up random silliness, waving your hands in the air and putting on voices. You also encouraged them to make up there own bit of fantasy, describing things, animals and the outside world as best as you could. Just as you were caught up in what could be equivalent to a Dr. Suess story, a piercing alarm sounded and the kids jumped just about out of there skins at the intrusion.</p><p>“Quick, go to your parents!” Hurriedly you pulled a few to there feet, scooping up the mess of papers and shoving them in the bunk. Turning to the orphans, you got did your best to cover them up, bundling everything in the bunk to make it appear like junk just piled inside, ”Whatever you do, don’t make a sound, don’t move, don’t come out till we tell you to.” One broke back a sob, covering her mouth to try and hold it in. You cup her face and smile at her as best as you can. “Its going to be okay.” </p><p>Now rushing to get towards the front, you would see Claude standing by the gate, her arms folding over one another and surveying the people. <em>Please no</em>, your mind screamed, but you remained quiet as you joined the back row that was accumulating. Curtis and Edgar were near the front, along with Tanya, but no sight of Timmy…. Good, you breathed out in relief. Now if only all of the other kids in the tail section were hidden away as well. </p><p>“Alright, kids. Come on, let's see them. No one over four feet” She stepped forward, her bright yellow coat not to be missed by anyone, heels clicking sharply. Here she stuck out like a sore thumb, clean and put together. Hair not out of place. As she made her way into the group, parting for her, disdain looks passed from her till she got to the first kid, Andy…. Her measuring tape snapped out and she almost seemed to bypass him, double-checking his measurements, but no. With a snatch, he was grabbed and his father protested, quickly being beaten back. Claude continued her search, pulling back jackets and looking behind people. It was in that moment you saw the bundle behind Tanya, and to your horror, all hell broke loose as Timmy to was snatched. </p><p>They beat the woman down, you could hear her wails and see the flash of people scattering as several armed guards beat her down, ahead of you you could see Curtis jump onto the side of the bunks to see what was happening, calling the boys names. Rushing forward, you bypassed Curtis, and knelt next to Tanya, who started wailing with blood streaming from her face. It was almost impossible to tell where the blood was coming from and had to get her away from the sight of her son being escorted away. You tugged on her arm to get her moving.</p><p>“Move Tanya!”</p><p>Sliding her back till the crowd covered them, she sobbed, blood and tears streaming down her face. You search your pockets for anything, when Curtis appears next to you and pulled a handkerchief from one of his various pockets and started to clean her up. Your breathing picked up as you pushed back the beginnings of a panic attack. <em>Y/n, not now!</em> You knew this wasn’t the end of it, there was always repercussions to such matters. </p><p>Curtis managed to get her to sit up, pressing the handkerchief to her busted eyebrow, glancing over at you. The faraway look in your eyes caught his attention, cause he sharply said y/n, reaching over to grip your chin and make you look at him. Sharp blue eyes bore into yours sternly and you blinked at him a few times before listening, you knew that look. It was steel sharp and warranted that you must pay attention to him. </p><p>“Listen to me y/n, its okay…. we will go for them y/n”</p><p>He stressed your name, made sure you could hear him, make you come back from where you spiraled out into your mind. Trauma would do that. Your head nods and you swipe angrily at your eyes where the tears had pricked the corners, guilt riddling you for this. Tonya and Andrew just lost there babies, and here you were having a meltdown. Taking a deep breath, your attention turned back to Tonya, offering an arm to help her stand. That’s when the gates opened, and SHE came through, a tall spindly woman, with a pinched face. Wilfreds mouthpiece, Mason. And it all just went to hell from there…</p><p>You laid in your bunk hours later, alone and exhaustion trailed along your body, even the notion of getting out of some of the clothes to get comfy just seemed an impossible task. After Mason arrived, punishment was issued to Andrew, what they called a humane task was brutal and they all had to stand by and witness his arm get locked outside of the train, the seven antagonizing minutes seeming to stretch the time much longer, just to be sheered off as if it was a nuisance of a branch. Even now his moans from his bunk could be heard, and you did your best to muffle it under your hands, crying into the bedding so no one could hear you. Claude and Mason, how you hated them, how they could make you fall back to the beginning just seeing them. </p><p>
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    <b>13 year old y/n, waiting to board the train with your parents, your brothers little tiny hand reaching for yours in a moment of uncertainty. Sure he was 7, and a “big boy” as you repeated to him over and over, telling him how brave he was, how they were going to have fun living on the train. There would be all sorts of friends to play with… “Y/n, you think they will let me drive the train some day? Help Wilfred up front.” You can still hear how excited he was, as you pulled him onto the train, following behind your parents. They split people up as boarding, caught up in confusion as to why they would be splitting groups. Some to the front, others to the back. </b>
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    <b>The further back they traveled, the worst it got. Cars went from luxury to practical, and then industrial, and finally at the end, worst then the prison. You could remember stalling at the looming darkness, the number of people packing into it, there was no room to breathe! No no no no no please don't put me into the darkness, your throat would close. Your parents followed up behind you, easing you to go forward. </b>
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    <b>“Y/n, im scared, I want to get off. I cant see”</b>
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    <b>Your mother's voice and hand clasped onto both yours and your brothers, bringing the two of you to a free bunk, unloading the bags she carried. Your father went to see if he could talk to someone about this arrangement, surely there must be some mistake. Wilfred couldn't expect anyone to live this way. Your face was turned, seeking the last bit of light, it called you back to it. Promises of life and warmth, and just like that…. the gate slammed shut and any hope of freedom, snatched away, and they all sunk into the dark and mayhem.</b>
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</p><p>A touch jerked you to look up, Curtis worried face looming over you, again using his method of bringing you back to him, soft assuring words, faded at first but coming into focus. </p><p>“Baby, hey hey, can you hear me?”  </p><p>His hands cupped your face, thumbs sliding over your cheeks to clear them of the tears making tracks down your face. God you all had so many issues, trauma, anger, pain, all of you were just so broken. And right now you were glad Curtis was your broken person, and that you were his. You hiccuped as you worked on controlling yourself, and he scooped you up into his chest, cradling you like a child, rocking slowly. He had been there, the day you finally broke while living in the tail end. The thing you always had a nightmare about, and even before you two were together, he was the one waking you from your nightmare. Still like a boy back then, he would shake you awake “y/n, your screaming again” Broken down so many times into your then friend, now lovers arms. </p><p>Curtis simply hummed softly, kissing your shoulder and side of your head as he rocked back and forth, not pushing you any. You knew he would already guess what it was about. And maybe it was damaging, but you didn't want to discuss it yet, you couldn't. After a few moments, your hiccups grew fewer and fewer into his shoulder, his hands having slipped under your shirt to rub your back and sides deeply to ease you. His hand reached to grasp your wrist that was hurt earlier, turning it in his hand to inspect your wrist. </p><p>“Those fuckers from the front end did this to you this morning didn't they?”</p><p>You sniffled a bit and looked down, flexing your hand. “Yes, I was trying to steal extra bars, and one of them noticed. It doesn’t hurt anymore though, just tender.” His touch was soft, fingers encircling it gently as if he could take away the bruising. “Is Andrew okay Curtis?” You knew he would have stopped to check on him after losing his arm. “And Tonya?” </p><p>“In shock…. Tonya we finally got down and out, at least for a bit. And Andrew, time will tell. We found the cleanest cloth he had and bandaged as best as we could. It needs to be cauterized but no one has any fucken matches anymore to get a fire started. If he doesn’t get any infections, he should be okay. Today has just been a fuck show.” His grasp tightened around her in his anger, your hand moving to the back of his neck and rubbing lightly to soothe him. “and Timmys protein bar…. “ his voice broke mentioning Timmy, scrunching his face and removing his hand from your back, he rubbed his face to relieve the pressure, yanking off his cap in the process. “The cap had a name,  Namgoong Minsoo. From what I understand he's an old security intel they got secured in the prison car. A kronole head…. all that shit we’ve been collecting will come in handy.” Prisons used to have cigarettes as a currency, now it was the little nuggets of waste. Curtis jaw clenched as he said the next words, his resolve final. “Tomorrow… when they bring the protein bars. It's our best chance cause they won't be expecting a charge, and the gates are all open at once for a few seconds.” </p><p>You can't help but feel the fear of what he was saying crawl up your spine, the last revolt had killed so many people.<em> <b>Returning followers of McGregor sporting wounds that bleed all over the place. The smell of dried blood and festering wounds drenched the entire car, after the revolt the men came with the guns, lining them up in rows on their knees. At the “mercy” of Wilfred, this time only 50 percent were killed off. Gunshots echoing off the metal walls and thumps of bodies crumpling to the floor. You huddled underneath a bunk with another girl, having been stuffed under by Curtis while your parents were kneeling, waiting for the end. </b></em></p><p>“If its the right time Curtis, its time. You know me, I might be a hot mess, but I will follow your lead anywhere.”</p><p>Curtis bit back a dark chuckle, looking down at you as you place on your best attempt of a grin, letting his fingers trace along your face, lips lowering over yours as he took what he wanted. Opening for him, his tongue slid over yours, teeth clicking together and pressing bodies against one another. One moan flowed into another, and separating, his forehead leaned onto yours. </p><p>“Your tired, I can see it on you, or else I would continue this.” </p><p>You gave a bit of a sigh, he was right. Today had exhausted you, and now with tomorrow looming over the two of you, you thought <em>fuck it</em>… You pulled back from his hold and started to strip down, his eyes watching you, tracing each soft curve, a jut of the breast as you stretch your arms over your head, pulling at the tie to drop your hair from where you kept it tightly wound. </p><p>“Curtis come here, we don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring. I only know whats going on right now, and right now I want to make a memory. And looks like I beat you again.” You give a shake of your hips as you shimmy your pants off. </p><p>“So demanding my girl…. you don’t have to tell me twice” </p><p>He pushed himself to his knees, losing layer after layer, slower than you. Intentionally making you wait until he yanked off the last shirt, you moving to his belt and unbuckling it for him. Your hands move to span across his chest, letting your nails gently scrape through the hair of his chest and nibbling lightly under his jaw line. The bristles of his beard tickling your lips, heightening your senses. His fingers brushed through your hair, pulling it to sweep around your shoulders. </p><p>“I’ve always loved when you put your hair down y/n”</p><p>You smile, maybe a bit bashful from the compliment. “Why do you think I haven’t cut it back short like everyone else….”</p><p>“Keep it this way, cause it drives me fucken insane” </p><p>He assured you while wrapping his hand into the tresses, tightening until your head tipped back, and this kiss turned harder than the previous one. assaulting your senses until it felt like he had taken over all of them. His masculine taste flooded your mouth, and the tight hold directed you towards the wall of the bunk, the cold metal of the wall made you arch away to escape it, but was trapped against his body where he pined you. Maybe it was the day's tension, the idea that this might be the last time you could be together, or maybe he was just letting himself loose that tightly coiled hold he maintained, but his movements were demanding in nature. Where his lips didn’t roam, his hands did. His knee pressed against the junction of your legs till they spread. rocking your hips on his bent knee. <em>Oh fuck</em> you could feel the pressure building, moisture pooling between your folds, and spreading on his knee, dampening his pants. But he didn’t seem to care. His words whispered against your ear as his knee dropped, and his fingers traced your seam. </p><p>“So wet already my girl” he removed his digits and looked at the slight gleam of your arousal. Sliding them between his lips and sucking them clean, a rumble escaping him. The sight of him appreciating your taste, made you lick your lips in want, wriggling slightly in desire.</p><p>“Ahhh you want to taste?” His mouth lingering near yours as his finger pressed against your clit, causing a surprised gasp where your mouth fell open. Which he promptly claimed, spearing his coated tongue around yours and the taste reeled you, urging you harder. Your hands moved to his pants, yanking on them in need before sliding your hands to find his hard erection, palming him and rubbing. He groaned and bit on your lip. Your hips rocked against his fingers, seeking for him to fill you, which with two fingers he did. Your channel flexed around him, a rush of arousal flooding you the more he pumped in and out of your. </p><p>“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” You chanted as you slid his pants down further, enough so his erection could spring free, your hand sliding up and down the length and fingers brushing along his sack. “Now Curtis, please fuck me.” </p><p>He didn’t even pause when he was sucking the side of your neck, leaving a deep bruise in its place as he slide you slightly up the wall, still on his knees. Legs wrapping around him, one of your hands braced above you to keep you from hitting the roof. Grasping the base of his cock to direct it, the head pressed against your core. Panting in his ear as he opened you, you roll your hips to deepen him, biting at his lobe in a whimper when he bottomed, fluttering around his intrusion. Now this felt right, your body leaned back against the wall, your breasts a sampling feast as they jutted forward.</p><p>Giving one a firm squeeze, and rolling the tip of your nipple between his teeth before sucking the entire nipple and dragging his tongue over it, blowing cool air against the heated skin. </p><p>“Better now my girl?” </p><p>You nodded lightly, grasping the back of his head. He rutted his hips forward and back away from you, every pull away left you clenching needfully, and yet that forward thrust reclaimed you, mouth still leaving marks across your breasts. You braced your arm harder, coming inches away from hitting the roof of the train, and there was no slowing down, </p><p>“Fu-ck CURTIS” you snap out as you arch into him, speeding your own thrusting hips, now sloppy noises overtaking the breathy moans and groans.</p><p>Curtis lifted his head and slid his hand around your throat, tightening just enough to make you whimper. “Cum when I tell you Baby, say my name again, who do you belong to?”</p><p>“Curtis, shit Curtis I’m only yours! Please”</p><p>Dropping his head near your ear, he whispered as his lips traced along the lobe and kissed your neck deeply. “That's all I ever needed to hear. Cum for me baby, drench me.”</p><p>When he urged you to, your release was mind-blowing. Intense sensations ripped through you and your legs locked around him, flushing your body tight to his. Your face buried into his shoulder, but it did little to muffle your scream. Curtis grunted at the sensation of you locking around him, knowing he would have to be quick to pull out. Untangling your legs, he slipped away and jerked off his finish away from you. </p><p>The cold goosebumps your skin as you quivered where Curtis had to leave you, but he was only gone for a few moments. Long enough to finish and clean himself. Moving over to where you were, your limp body easily maneuvered into his arms as he laid back, covering your face in kisses, along your neck, muttering about how good you were to him, for him. You should make the effort to help him prepare you two to sleep. But you simply nuzzled into any hollow and dip you could find against him. Your face in his neck, your arms clinging to him, legs wrapped among his own. The heavyweight fell over your back as he got the coats over the two of you, spreading them as much as possible. He had thought you had already fallen asleep, but you were still humming internally. </p><p>Your voice broke the stillness. “Curtis? I love you, please watch yourself, I can't lose you.” </p><p>He was quiet, his hand smoothing over your hair and along your back. You began to think he wouldn’t answer, but he finally did. </p><p>“You're not going to lose me y/n. Were going to make it to the front, I love you always my girl.”</p><p>Soon the only sound you could hear from there bunk was heavy, finally relaxed breathing. </p><p>The next morning you groan, there was an ache between your thighs. But the memory of it didn’t bother you any and you stretched. Ahhh, yes this was familiar. His spot was still warm, but sure enough, he had already gone now to prepare for the coming day. You clutched what he left as a blanket, pressing your face into the woolen fabric. It was one of his jackets, they were longer and cover your body more thoroughly unlike your own that would just go down to thigh length. Shifting to the edge of the bunk, you poke your head out and look up and down the aisles. There towards the end, you could see him leaning over some of the barrels with Edgar, tying them together with whatever scraps they could find, someone had also found duct tape and was rolling it around at the seams to connect them. His voice boomed over the usual din of the tail end. </p><p>“TIGHTEN THIS END UP, ITS GOTTA HOLD OPEN THE GATES”</p><p>You wave your hand to catch his attention, in which he jotted down the length until he reached the bunk, hiding behind your curtain, you slip his coat out to him. </p><p>“Here, you need this. I will be out in a minute to help.” </p><p>His gaze turned serious when you mentioned helping. Confusion clouded your barely awake mind with his next words. </p><p>“Y/n, you cant come with me, you need to stay behind.” </p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Survial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>- Your mad and hurt, Curtis is leaving you behind to care for the orphan children, he claims. Beginning of battle and part of Y/N survival. Violence and Non Con.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Had you heard him right? No. He definitely didn’t say that you were staying behind.</p><p>“I don't think so.” you said, pulling back inside and started to yank on your clothes he was so graciously helpful in removing from you the night before. Curtis hauled himself up into your bunk to follow you, preparing for your anger and confusion. You were currently stuffing your legs into pant holes and skimming them up to button.</p><p>“Y/N, think about it. Someone needs to stay back with the kids, and I can't be worrying about your safety.” He turned you to face him, his eyes a bright intense blue as they searched to lock gazes. “I need someone I can trust to remain behind. Keep everyone calm.”</p><p>You wrung yourself out of his grasp, unbelievable that he would do this to you. “Have Tonya stay, they respect and listen to her as much as they do me, and worry about me? Your gonna be right in the front Curtis” you hiss at him, reaching down to grab a shirt and tug it on. “What do you think its gonna do to me? How am I supposed to deal with that? Yes Edgar will be there, but he gonna have eyes on your six the whole time?” You shot back, tears biting at your eyes in frustration. You voice raising with each passing question. It hurt that he would want you to stay behind. You two were a team, always have been. How could he expect you to stay while he went headfirst into danger and just expect you to be okay with that? </p><p>Curtis tried to remain calm, attempting to soothe you with gentle touches, but you weren’t having any of it, so he stopped. “Tonya just had her son taken Y/N, I couldn’t ask her to stay behind.” Anger continued to flush your face, your hand to swipe at frustrated tears as you refused to look at him for a moment. </p><p>“And what about when Matt was taken, you didn’t give me no fucken choice in what I wanted back then.” Yes it was low for you to bring that up, but you were hurt and temper was overriding common sense. You finished tugging on your clothes, sparing him a glance. It was all over his face now just how enraged your last shot made him. </p><p>And this time he grabbed you, in a way he only does when you pushed him to far, not even a handful of times. His hand was biting the back of your neck, the other grasping your chin to hold you still. “Now You listen to me Y/N, you were on a GOD DAMN SUICIDE MISSION AND LEFT ME NO CHOICE.” His voice roaring now, everyone in the tail end could hear you two now. His anger simmered in his features. Everything about him cold, hard, and brutal. You got a glimpse of the man prepping to lead the others. Hands wrapped around his wrist, trying to pull away. “Let me go Curtis! Get your Fucken hands off me.” Releasing you, he motioned for you to get your things.</p><p>“I’m taking you back to Gilliams with the kids.”</p><p>“Oh yea…. Lets see how well that turns out for you.” You shot at him in anger, with that you swung out of the bunk, head held high as you marched towards the others to help out, but before you even got a few steps away, there was a echoing thump behind you. Stomping footsteps caught up and you were swept up. Yelping and a whoosh of air escaped you as your stomach bounced off a hard shoulder, Curtis’s arm was clamped behind your knees, and you were looking down his back, feeling the blood rush to ring in your ears. That son of a bitch was carrying you like he owned you.</p><p>“What the hell Curtis! Put me down!” You cried, thumping hands against his back, not hard, but enough for him to know you were not in any way okay with this. His hand squeezed your thigh in warning and he jostled you enough to put you off balance, swinging from his shoulder. Your fellow tail enders watched, but didnt interfere or step in to stop him. “Curtis, god damn it, you cant tell me what to do,! Im not yours to just boss the fuck around”</p><p>“I can when its for your own good Y/N” He growled out while continuing down the length of the train, ripping open a curtain at the very back, inside Gilliam sat on a bundle of blankets, in which Curtis, now far more gently then when he grabbed you, dropped you onto. Glaring up at him, you straighten your shirt back down. Near the entrance, a younger man named Grey stood. Quiet as always, he observed the interaction. “Don’t let her out of your sight. I will be sending the orphans down, shes to remain with them.”</p><p>You move to your knees, preparing to try and reason with him in a less heated attempt, but he snapped out beyond the curtain again. Going to follow, Grey blocked you. “I’m sorry y/n, until he says otherwise, you stay.” Incredulous you whip around towards Gilliam. “You two cant be serious! Gilliam, I’m not a prisoner. I have every right to be out there to fight for our freedom as anyone else.” Gilliam silently sliced apart a protein bar, portioning it out, the orphans morning rations. “Child Curtis has alot to do, little time to do it, and cant be distracted.” He set the dull blade down. “I know you mean well, but if he’s looking back to make sure your not injured or worst dead, then hes not looking forward at the next threat. Now you’ve been a great comfort to him all these years, your parts done.” <em>What the fuck does that even mean?</em> “I wasn’t surprised when he decided to lay with you, but now he cant afford the distraction.” You frowned at his words, feeling unease crawl up your spine at the way Gilliam was talking about him. Grey once in a while shifted behind you, making you glance over your shoulder.</p><p>“Y/N, you do understand he cant afford to mess up. If he doesn’t get to the water car at least, hes a dead man. Wilford will execute him. Then all these years, will be for nothing. Just like McGregors attempt. Now sit down and put a smile on your face. The kids need the assurance.” Your brows come together as you soaked in his words, It sounded like Gilliam was conditioning Curtis specifically for this moment. </p><p> It was then you saw the little faces peek through, Edgar ushering them in. You smile at them as if nothing is wrong, and wade through them to reach the curtain. </p><p>Grey moves to block you, but you hold up your hands in a sign of wait “its just to talk to Edgar, please. I swear Grey I’m not going anywhere.” He seemed to ponder a second before nodding, stepping aside to let you through. Calling for Edgar to wait, you run up to him. His face softened, having heard the bout you and Curtis went through earlier. “Are you okay?” He asked as he went to wrap his arms around you, yours returning the gesture, squeezing him just a bit longer then normal. </p><p>“Yea, I’m okay, I probably shouldn’t have lost my temper like that. Edgar, you got to watch him close…. you know Curtis will focus on one thing, consequences be damned. Don't let him get himself killed.” You stressed, and Edgar nodded in agreement. “You know I will be with him every step of the way Y/N, where are prepared as we can get.” Hearing him talk like this, the thought struck you out of nowhere.<em> When did Edgar grow up…. </em></p><p>“How is he… ?” You ask tentatively, and Edgar shrugged “Focused, he's got them finishing up to finish the ram and picking people to hide inside for a trojan horse attack. But, a bit hesitant. I will see if I can get him to come back, You two need to get on the same page, or else it will eat at him.” </p><p>“He knows where I am, see what you can do.” You reach for his hand and give a squeeze, whispering. “I'm scared Edgar, I'm scared of him being reckless and he won't let me go with him…. “ Your voice drifted off, and he pulled you in for a hug. He might be a little shit, but Edgar was YOUR little shit and you were grateful for the younger man. “Trust Gilliam, trust Curtis. We will get to the engine, and things will change. Remember what steak tastes like? You can have it every night, the front enders can eat those shit protein bars. Your own room, with an actual bed. Be able to look outside and see sunlight. Trust in this Y/N” </p><p>You chuckle and look up at him “Okay, go on now. See if you can get Curtis to come back, and BE CAREFUL. Do you go off getting hurt.” Rubbing your hand against his upper arm before releasing, you keep the calmest face possible. Inside, turmoil rolled around your mind, fear, sadness, doubt. You cant voice these things, people were hanging onto this as a last chance. It sat in your gut like a brick, a fucken lead brick. </p><p>Grey stepped out then, his hand moving to gently touch your back, motioning you to come back in “They are asking for you Y/N, they need you.” And one last hopeful look was aimed towards the front, but it was hustle and bustle of people, you couldn’t hope to catch a glimpse of Curtis. Ducking beyond the curtain, you open your arms to the kids, now comforting them of the rumors and fears they had been hearing during the day. </p><p>Curtis went into the bunk to dig out the kronoles, opening the old coffee tin he used to store it, and the scent made his eyes water. Such a putrid chemical scent, he was loathe to touch it, but he grabbed a fistful, and giving a quick count, he stuffed the nuggets in his out coats pocket, rubbing his hand afterwards against the woolen fabric to get the film of the waste off his hand. In just a few hours they would be bringing there daily rations, and Curtis wanted to go over the plan one more time with everyone. His mind was sharp focused on the task at hand. If he stopped and thought about you, fuck he couldn’t give in to you this time. His sanity depended on it. </p><p>Having almost lost you before, Curtis wasn’t willing to go through that again. When you spiraled out of control after your brother was taken, giving up all desire to even take care of yourself, he panicked. What if he couldn’t see you again? Listen to you sing to yourself or the kids you doted yourself to, what if he couldn’t reach over and feel your softness sink into him, the teasing in the mornings that usually leave both of you breathless, all the times you laughed so hard you cried, burying your face against his chest, or those times you cried for someone elses pain. How could he continue without you at his side? For him, you were the better of the two, why you had to stay. For his own needs, that monster he felt under the surface was kept at bay, cause you kept him human, saved him from his past sins. </p><p>“Curtis! Hey man!” Edgar jogged over to him, and Curtis snapped out of his thoughts, arching a dark brow in question. Edgar reached him at a slow jog. “So were just about all set, the ram is as good as we're gonna get, and whatever we have as weapons, everyone got on hand.” he hands were going a mile a minute as he spoke, nerves getting to him Curtis could tell. He reached out and stilled Edgar for a moment. </p><p>“Alright Edgar, is there anything else?”</p><p>“Errr, yea. Y/N really wants to see you, and you know Grey isnt letting her go anywhere.” Edgar shuffled a bit, obvious his loyalties were split between the two of you. “I mean, I get why you sent her to Gilliams with the kids, but I think you really should to talk to her while you still… “ mid-sentence an alarm went off, Edgar's eyes widening “What the fuck, they are early!” Curtis pushed past Edgar, who spun as well and followed behind. </p><p>“Come on everyone! we have to hide this” </p><p>“Grab a handle, quick” </p><p>“Gather around” </p><p>It was just to big to properly hide, hordes of tail-enders trying to shield it with there bodies, a group amassing and blocking it from sight. People dashed inside the tube as best they could, ready to spill out as soon as it was pushed through the gates. Curtis positioned himself nearby, twisting his hand into a handle. This was it. </p><p>Back in Gilliams, the alarm startled them to, and Gilliam pushed himself to a stand. “Grey, go see whats going on, its to early” Turning to look at you, he gave you a warning look. “Stay here, keep watch with the children.” With more speed than expected he hobbled out. <em>Shit, was everyone even ready?</em> You turn to the kids and return them back to a game you were playing with them, reminding them to be quiet. Several moments pass, and you debate on what to do. Stay, or go out and see whats going on? It was so quiet, the drips of leaking pipes echoing in the background, the shuffle of one of the kids as they get comfy once more on the floor. The tension got to be to much, and you push off the floor.</p><p>“Listen, be quiet, and stay out of sight, if you see anyone other then Gilliam, Grey or I, hide, understand? Go up into the pipes, and stay out of reach.” You pointed above you to the network of pipework, the kids were all small enough to wedge between them. “Don't leave this area, I will be right back.” Once you were sure they wouldn’t try to leave, you slip out. It was eerily still. You know that there were still people in the shadows, older, sickly, once in a while you could hear someone cough in a sputter. Soon you came up to the back end of the crowd, your eyes scanning for Curtis’s beanie. Catching sight of Edgar first, Gilliam right next to him, they were whispering to the man squatting in front of them. Curtis. Just as you knew, he would be right near the front.<em> Maybe they decided to wait it out? <br/></em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Right then Curtis stood, alone among the mass of people. To your horror, he rushed forward. RIGHT AT THE GUNS, he placed the barrel right between his eyes and you could hear the click. But nothing, no spattering of blood and skull like you feared, his body didnt drop, nothing. No bullets, the realization echoed when Edgar cried triumphantly “THEY AINT GOT NO BULLETS!” The mass of people surged forward, and the ram that had been built over the past year lifted off the ground with cries and strained groans. Ahead Curtis planted his foot against the guards chest, pushing him back to sprawl against the wall and continued forward. </p><p>Torn, do you stay, or do you follow. You stumble forward when pushed by the mob, and you push back. No! Curtis wanted you to remain, you had to remain. It was your chance to defy your man, and join the fray, you could hear the screams and cheers between the warring people, but you look back, the kids. You knew then you would honor his “request”, you stay. Soon your standing all alone in the aisle, and you can feel your heart flutter,<em> Im all alone.</em></p><p><em>Dont panic, come on Y/N, your not really alone. </em>So no, you weren’t. But this was the first time there wasn’t someone crowding in the aisle, or could hear any kind of chatter around you, for the first time in 18 years there was some real silence. <em>Fucken hell, STOP</em> you chided yourself, and pressing your hands to your face to relieve some of the overwhelming sense you had, you snap out of it. Panting as your heart started to settle once more, you head back to the kids. When you enter, there isn’t one in sight. Tipping your head back, you hide a smile. They listened, and called to them. “It's okay, you can come down” </p><p>Hours pass, and your running out of ways to entertain the kids. They are hungry, and it hurts you cant take that away. Already they had eaten the protein bars Gilliam had earlier. There was no one returning from the mob, and the gate stood open, yawning bright light into the dark train car. Finally you decide its safe enough to wander out, you check it out at first and they follow along behind, like your ducklings. “Y/N, where is everyone?”</p><p>“They are going to the front Casey. Going to fight for us to have a better life. We deserve that.” </p><p>“Is Mr.Wilford going to be tossed off the train?” Another asked, as they peered into emptied bunks, it was unsettling for them to. </p><p>“I don't know, depends on what Gilliam says” You respond. Going up to the open gate, you motion for them to just stay there, and you travel into the next one, bodies were scattered here, a few of the guards, some of your people. You lean down to inspect one, his head bashed in. Death was nothing new to any of you, but they might have something valuable on them. So you pat him down, dipping fingers into pockets, and turn them inside out. Going body to body, raiding what goods they might have. Finally once your sure there is none left alive, you call the kids “Take anything not covered in blood. Shoes, socks, pants.” This was a way of life, thieving from the dead. Soon others joined you, helping to collect. </p><p>In your search you hear footsteps, heavy marching ones, your head snaps up to see heavily armed people forcing there way over what was left of the ram, and they raise their weapons, barking orders at all of you. Scrambling, you grab one of the fallen weapon, brandishing it like a bat, you were under the assumption there were no bullets, and had never shot a gun before in your life. But you could swing with the best of them. “I said get the fuck on your knees bitch” One roared at you and you shook your head, backing away slowly, the others had already retreated to the darkness of the tail end once more. Most of them, a dart to your left distracted you and a ricochet of <em>BAM BAM</em> pounded in your ears, <em>Oh my god no, </em>one of your kids fell flat, red billowing out of his back, and you screamed, a sound so savagely unhuman you didn’t even know it was you, and then you were out, falling forward and blacking out. The butt of a gun smashed into the back of your skull. </p><p>In and out, your consciousness was fluttering in a spot where you couldn't drag yourself from. But you felt hands all over, grasping, pulling, yanking. Why? Rag Doll limp, your head bouncing in an echoing space, barely registering it was the aisle of the train car. Whispers filling your ear <em>Slut, Whore, Cunt,</em> who was saying that? Soon the pain became blackness again, and you slipped away from being almost conscious, relieved.  </p><p>Pain… so much everywhere, why? Even your eyes moving underneath your lids were shards of glass to your skull. You didn't dare open, but a taunting voice echoed even worst then the sensations you were experiencing.  </p><p>“James, hey she's waking up.” </p><p>“Well let's not keep her waiting.” </p><p>Your eyes shot open and using your heels, you tried forcing yourself back, unsure of even where the hell you were, but just to get away from those voices. Where were they, where were the kids, where were you? A hand snaked out and fisted in your hair, snapping you up to kneel, the sharp pain blossoming all over your skull. A ragged shake disorients you, but hazily you would see the men from before, partially ungeared as none of you were a threat, tearing through everyone's belongings. <em>Fuck why did you hurt?</em> Now that the pain behind your eyes was easing, you could feel yourself sore in other places, and the realization of what happened made you gasp.<em> Please no,</em> shame flooded you and you spat at them, a hand coming heavily across your face, blood squirting violently. The one called James, wiped his hand on what was left of your clothes.</p><p>“If we knew such a pretty little thing was back here, we would have come a long time ago. Filthy sure, but sometimes we like them that way.” Releasing his hold, your body folded and collapsed at there feet. </p><p>“Wilford said 75 percent gotta go this time, Awful kind I think, considering all the trouble your group caused.” Your head lifted, was there some news? James snickered at your face, seeing that maybe you had a shred of hope. “Got yourself a man in that bunch sweetheart? Dont get your hopes up. They will all be dead before they even reach close to the front. But you will have some use yet.” A phone rang in Gilliams quarters, and he went to go answer. “18 you say? Think we can manage that.” </p><p>A click disconnected them “Extra 18 are to live, better keep most the kids. These old fucks can go though.” When you looked around, you could see the others that remained, being lined up on one side or another, you to were dragged and deposited with those to be kept alive. Shock, your body was going in shock. You should do something, anything. Weakness was causing you to start shaking uncontrollably, you could smell the blood seeping from your face, and you suspected between your thighs as any movement hurt enough to bring tears to your eyes. A small hand took yours, cuddling into your side, fearful tears falling on your coat, you tug one of the remaining kids in closer, Trace, rocking her lightly. If they got the orders, they must have obliterated the mob, Curtis was gone. </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Still Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Curtis makes his way through the trains cars and finds a surprise waiting at the end. (Just hints of Reader)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want to read the story that Curtis tells Nam, Read Past Horrors.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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<p class="tmblr-attribution">
  <a href="https://tmblr.co/Z1VJKh2l3fGXm">Originally posted by omega-nicole</a>
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  <b>“OPEN IT, OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!”</b>
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<p>Curtis stood at the final gate, the final mother fucking gate, his palms slapping at it, his boots ramming into it, and his rage, all that rage from the past 17 years, and more recently the two days it took him to fight his way here, so many lives, gone. His revolution had become a blood bath, Gilliam executed, Grey stabbed, Tonya shot, You… well he couldnt even let himself go there, not yet. Edgar, well fuck Edgar he betrayed, having left him laying among the rest, setting out right after the battle of the tunnel, leaving the majority of people behind to care for the dead and wounded. There was no time to stall.  </p>
<p>Hours before in horror he watched the front enders slaughter his people in the television screen, among a car full of children singing praises to the almighty Wilford, the saviour. The armed men entered the gate and were lost from sight. Curtis just felt that all of you were gunned down without a care. <em>No….</em> He almost broke right then and there, he could see them entering the last car, the one where he supposedly had you kept safe. His breathing picked up, his chest tightened and black stars swarmed in his vision. Then the tv crackled the noises of gunshots and flares of white could be seen coming out of the darkest gateway, all of it so grainy on the screen, but it was picture clear for him. No bodies could be seen, but the way his whole being just shattered into a million biting glass edges, slicing unseen wounds through his mind, he lost you, he couldnt keep you safe after all. Tonya smacked his face. “Curtis snap out of it, you have to lead us”</p>
<p><em>How can I? Shes gone, they shot her.</em> His mind pieced together an image of your body crumbled in the middle of the aisle, bright red blossoming around you like a opening flower across your back, your hand outreaching for the darkness that might have hid you. Your eyes, the ones hes seen laughing, crying and loving, glassed over sightless, that part that was a persons soul, the spark that brought them life in there eyes, gone. <em>Gone, could it really be? Curtis, she was doomed the day she chose you, and you kept her anyways. Monster. You killed her.</em></p>
<p>Suddenly Tonya came into his vision again, and beyond her, Minister Mason crumbled on her knees, her rat like face, with those beady eyes and oversized false teeth saying his name “Curtis, I can help you!” The heavyweight of the gun in his palm had a purpose, and it felt FUCKING GOOD just then. Without even a moment in between her words and him registering what the fuck she was pleading for, he marched over and right to her forehead the muzzle settled, her eyes rolling up to look at it in fear, the yellowish whites of her eyes brimming with tears, pupils focused on the muzzle indenting against her forehead. “Curtis pleeease, I beg you!”</p>
<p>His expression was that of a man who no longer gave a shit what happened to him, his finger squeezed and that bullet, with a little satisfaction for him, drilled through her brain, a splatter of red grazing the entire area. A wipe of his hand across his face, he turned back towards the gate, Nam already working on it. Switching to a new cartridge, he told those still remaining. “We go forward” And just as he came to the gate, Nam got it to swing open, and now this man became the darkest part of himself he could possibly be, the compassion he would show his fellow kind was simply gone. There was no hesitation in his actions. If anyone crossed his path, they were met with cold killing rage.</p>
<p>Now at the final gate, that god damn signature W holding him back from Wilford. Nam tried to stall Curtis, refusing to open that final one for reasons Curtis couldnt understand. His daughter Yona, moaned on a pile of coats, drugged and drunk beyond rational thought, the child was a pitiful sight indeed. “Open the gate Nam, now. Is this what you want?” Curtis emptied his pockets of the kronoles, flinging them at the ex-security intel “Take it! Open the fucking gate now!” </p>
<p>In a moment of weariness, Curtis stumbled to the floor, leaning back against the framework staring at the door. Nam took some pity on the man and tossed him a smoke “Fucker better enjoy it, its the last one.” What the hell, Curtis thought, and he lit it, taking a stale drag of nicotine he hadnt experienced since he was 16 at a party. Finally he started talking, telling Nam all about how the beginning of his life on the train went. Inside his mind though, was a totally different conversation, his way of saying goodbye he supposed although numb at this point to everything, he could still sense the pain it was causing, vibrating in waves from him. </p>
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<p class="tmblr-attribution">
  <a href="https://tmblr.co/ZUID2l1gh9h6J">Originally posted by ed-gamble</a>
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  <em>“Hey handsome” Your hands would slide up his chest and circle around his neck. “Almost at the end of the line”<br/></em>
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  <em>“Appears so Baby” Another drag of smoke escaping from him. <br/></em>
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  <em>“I guess were lucky we got this far right? I knew you would Curtis” Plucking his smoke from his lips and taking an inhale, washing the two of you in a billowing nicotine haze. <br/></em>
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<p>
  <em>“Leave it to you babygirl to find the bright side here.” He chuckled, seeing you now rise to the balls of your feet to kiss him, hell even imaginary your kisses could score a fire to settle in him. How he wished it was real. That you were here, fuck he missed you it was an ache in his chest.”I dont think Im going to be returning… “ His voice drifted off softly. <br/></em>
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<p>
  <em>“Oh handsome, you know I will find you again, another lifetime. You dont think this is truly the end of us?” <br/></em>
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<p>
  <em>“No? it seems like it” <br/></em>
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<p>
  <em>“Handsome, this is just one of many. I love you and we will see each other again. Now go do what you came to do.” you winked and returned the camel between his lips. Stepping away and leaving him alone once more.</em>
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<p>Curtis lifted his gaze, asking one last final time. “Open the gate, please” Nam again shook his head, going off in how they MIGHT survive outside of the train, that the snow was melting, there was no need to stay. </p>
<p>“What are you fucking nuts? go out there and freeze. Leave all these people here, no. Open the GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING DOOR” </p>
<p>Then like the gate just knew, it clicked open and a flash of yellow stepped out, Nam shot backwards and in Claudes hand was a pistol. Composed as ever, she looked at Curtis. “Wilford will see you now.” </p>
<p>He simply spared a glance at Nam, whom Yona was wailing and shaking to bring back to her, and he pushed up, and into the room, all cold steel metal and blue glows, along one wall was a kitchen gallery, all dark masculine looking wood work and at the table in the car, sat an older man with intense blue eyes, staring at Curtis while frying his steak, smirking. “Curtis! Lets take a look at you.” Wilford almost sounded joyful, impressed? “You did a mans work coming all the way up here, did you know its been years since anyones walked the entire length of this train. How about you sit down, lets chat.” Claude nudged him towards the seat. With contempt he obliged, sitting down. “Would you believe Ive never been to the tail section?”</p>
<p>Curtis spat out “why the hell not, we to dirty for you in the tail section?”</p>
<p>“You think the engine isnt without its own complications Curtis?” Wilford turned from frying his steak for half a second, fixing Curtis with a look of disappointment. “It gets awful noisy up here, and not many to talk to.” </p>
<p><em>Who the fuck does he think he is? Noisy? Trying living with a thousand people in a iron box. </em>“Right, you got steaks, room, and that whore will bring you whatever you want.”</p>
<p>“Curtis, everyone has there preordained position. And everyone is in there place…” Pointing at him with the greasy spatula, the steak starting to smoke and sizzle on the stove top. “Except you.” Turning back he flipped the steaks on a plate. </p>
<p>“Yea, thats what people with the best place say to those in the worst place. There is not one soul who wouldnt willingly trade places with you.” <em>Damn straight Baby, </em>your voice encouraged him<em>. </em></p>
<p>“Would you?” Wilford questioned, seasoning his steak, <em>how in the hell do seasons still exist?</em> Perhaps you werent always the best voice of reasoning. </p>
<p>“Fuck you” Curtis spat at him with hatred and disgust. </p>
<p>Wilford sighed, as if exasperated with him. “Curtis, were all stuck on this train, and its a enclosed ecosystem with a fragile balance. Med rare?” Breaking his line of thought, Curtis ignored the question entirely, which Wilford paid no heed to. “population must be kept in balance, everything rigidly maintained. Now there are times… we have to take more drastic measures.” Wilford brought the steaks over, setting one perfectly cooked one in front of Curtis. “we simply dont have time to let natural selection take over, we all would be overcrowded on this train, starving. Remember starving Curtis? It took us a while to get the protein blocks going. I am truly sorry about that.” Wilford cut a bite of his steak and chewed between the rest of his words. “So we occasionally stir the pot to speak. Get things moving… The cast out of the seven, The McGregor Riots, and this one… My new favorite. The Great Curtis Revolution. Nice ring to it, right? The kids will love it” He winked one icy blue eye at Curtis as if it was a big joke between them. “I mean who was to expect you to come through with torches through the  Yekaterina tunnel? Pure genius, nothing like Gilliam or I expected” </p>
<p>Curtis snapped his head a bit and confusion clouded his face <em>He didn't just say that.</em> “What?”</p>
<p>“Now come on, dont tell me you didnt know, Gilliam and I?” Giving an amused chuckle at Curtis confusion. “Front end and Tail-end, we work together Curtis, he was more than a partner, he was my friend.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit, I dont believe you” Curtis stated, <em>there was no way Gilliam was friends with Wilford, the hours the two of them had spent together discussing how to get here.</em> </p>
<p>A grin crossed Wilfords face “well our plan was that the rebellion was to end at the tunnel. Kill off most of you, send the rest back. Curtis, why do you think Gilliam conditioned you to be the leader after McGregor? Sadly, it was supposed to be your hurrah. Your going out like in that old movie…. Braveheart? Going out in a fight. Your name was to give the remaining tail-enders hope. So Gilliam gave you everything you could want back there. No one messed with you, got to keep the pretty girl, no one shamed you for keeping both your hands. Wasn't it nice, be able to hold her with both.” <em>Dont you dare listen to him baby, we chose each other, </em>Your voice echoed and stressed. A sickness washed over Curtis as these words, Wilford seemed none the wiser over what his words were doing, or he simply didnt care. “Gilliam said you were smart, but he could control you. Sadly he didn't.” Wilford wiped his mouth and tossed the napkin down, not even eating half the steak. “And why he had to pay the price. Im going to miss my friend, our long nightly chats.”</p>
<p>Still in disbelief over the news, Gilliam had been a mentor to him, a father when he needed advice. All those years, and he just fueled Curtis rage for this moment. No one knew that the traitorous snake was the man they all pledged there allegiance to. </p>
<p>“But your little stunt, well it took out more of the front end then I had hoped, but what fun, right? Its okay, you tail enders throw off brats pretty quickly, we will recover. Theres really just one last thing to do.” Picking up a phone, he pressed a button and waited for an answer. “How many you got left back there?” He listened and looked at Claude “We still at 75 percent?” she gave a nod and he returned to whomever was on the phone “Kill off 75 percent…. actually you know what? In celebration of our 18th year, keep 18 extra alive. Thank you” </p>
<p>Before he hung up, the barely there sound of gunfire blasted from the phone, and Curtis sprang to his feet. “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Claude gave off one warning shot, which ricochet the bullet around the room, causing them all to duck momentarily. “God damn it Claude! Mind the engine.” Turning to Curtis who was straightening himself out and at this point ready to get this fucken over with. “God damn high strung woman, cant do nothing with them when they get to that point.” Wilford muttered to himself, going up the steps to check on the cylinders circling. Curtis followed him up, preparing to end this now. Wilford pulling out his own pistol from his robes, he cocked it at Curtis.”Mind your next move son. I got a proposition for ya, you might want to consider.” </p>
<p>Curtis merely paused cause of the gun pointing at his chest, basic human instinct still riding out his anger. Clenching his jaw, the twitch ticking in tandem, Wilford motioned him forward. “Listen, I like you, you got spunk, You get the job done. I already have a predecessor, but I need someone who can take over Minister Masons place since you disposed of her. About time someone did, I couldnt stand that woman. At the time, she was my finest choice though. You carry out what I need done, I know you have it in you.” Sliding the gun back into his robe when it seemed Curtis was no longer about to attack him. “Once in a while you dispose of some unnecessary lives we no longer have use for, do some intimidation to out of control groups. I will let you stay up front, even bring your girl up here.”</p>
<p>“Shes still alive?” Curtis croaked, the haze of your name clouding his senses, could it be true, was there actually hope?</p>
<p>“What? Of course shes still alive Curtis. First shes a woman, I wouldnt have my men kill off any women her age unless she was unfit to bear children. Even if you werent in the picture I would have her brought up here, resupply the front end. Shes a pretty thing, make someone a good wife. We need to continue the supply after all. Second, shes yours and Gilliam made it clear she was necessary to keep you compliant. Why do you think we allowed you two to play house with those orphans? Her little pet project. Why we never collected those kids, yes I knew all about them all along.” Wilford spoke as if he was doing You and Curtis a major favor. The fucken ass. Curtis could just see you now, the roll of your eyes and arms folding over your chest,<em> Child Bearing Wife? Go Fuck Yourself Wilford.</em></p>
<p>All this information sunk in, Still alive, You were still alive. He could have you back, it was as simple as saying yes at this point. Sinking to his knees, his hands came to his face, relief watering his eyes and a soft sob broke. Wilford circled the man, whispering to him “Imagine it Curtis, life of luxury up here, have your girl back. You wouldnt ever have to live in a cage per say again. Just follow my orders like a good little soldier. Its really that easy. Minister Everett, sounds fitting right? The tail ender who actually made something of himself. Gilliam would want that for you.” Then he walked away, leaving Curtis all alone, choking on another sob, his hand came to his head and brushed his signature beanie off, rubbing his head.  <em>No Curtis, you are here for a reason,</em> echoes of your voice shouted at him.  “And if I say no?” Wilford snorted with disdain at Curtis, rolling his eyes with exasperation. </p>
<p>“Im giving you the deal of a life time and you dont want to take it? Fine, I guess I will have her killed Curtis, marched right up here and you can watch her die, or bring her up here and give her away to someone else? You can watch another man have her. Is that a better option. Its either you do this or you die and shes mine.” He gave a shrug. “The choice of your fates is in your hands.” Wilford was no fool, he knew how to work Curtis, already he could see the mans shoulders sink in a sign of defeat. Claude was perched near the gate entrance when it opened, a glance over her shoulder widened her smile, and she stepped aside. “Ahhh, I was wondering where my predecessor had gone off to, its about time you arrived. I was just telling Curtis all about what we set up for him.”</p>
<p>Curtis looked over his shoulder and the familiarity of the man struck him hard, it was like looking at you, your features in this young man was so prominent, he croaked out in disbelief. </p>
<p>“Matt?!” </p>
<p>Yes, your brother was still alive, healthy and alive. Dressed in a fine suit, well groomed, the young man smirked at Curtis. “Long time Curtis, good to see you again.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. End of the Line</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matts Alive! Curtis is given a choice, learns the truth about the kids, You are attacked, and also still alive! Some non con implied, but all mild.</p>
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</p><p>Curtis just shook his head in disbelief at the man before him, certainly grown up from the eleven year old boy he knew, but somethings never change. His eyes, Your eyes looking back at him, but they held a bit of coldness in them that yours didnt. “H-ow? What is going on. They TOOK you Matt.”Although Curtis always assured you to hold out hope Matt was alive, he knew the likelihood was not good, but he could have hope to keep you from feeling hopeless. Then after you had healed, accepted that it was a possibility, you still had the nightmares, crying in the dark for your brother, Curtis waking to your sobs and cradling you in close to protect you… of course he couldnt let you suffer like that. But here Matt was, alive.</p><p>“Yea, Wilford saved me Curtis from a life of shit. You all did this to yourselves back there. Always plotting and scheming to take control of what isnt fucken yours.” Matt looked his nose down at Curtis, glancing away at Claude and smiling fondly at her. “She knew that I wasnt like that, did you sweetheart?” He caressed the womans face and leaned down to peck her lips. “Nams still alive out there, can you watch over him and his daughter till were finished in here.” She complied with a soft nod, leaving the three men alone.</p><p>Wilford cleared his throat. “Oh trust me Curtis, Matt took a while to understand what the truth was. But he came around, didnt you son?” Smiling almost loving at Matt. “He understands what the train needs from him, and Im an old man now, I wont be here forever. You and Matt working together, well this train is my legacy and will continue on forever. With some help of course.” He moved to open a cupboard and Timmy crawled out, Curtis eyes widening at this next shock. Timmy to was alive! The boy just ignored Curtis though and proceeded to go up the stairs, and enter in a car.</p><p>“Timmy? What are you doing, get back here?!” Curtis called to the boy, but he merely buckled himself in and whoosh, he was gone. Curtis turned to look at Wilford and Matt “Where the fuck did he go?!”</p><p>“Into the engine of course, it builds up crud, and kids like Timmy, they clear it out, also run some of the gears that need help. Reason we need all those kids from the tail end is although the train is self sustaining, the parts wear out. Many have gone extinct, and we have no way to replace them anymore. We ran out of metal for workers to mold. So we need someone who can fit into tight spaces. Gotta be about 4 or 5, you tail enders are always so scrawny. When they outsize, we replace them.”</p><p><em>Jesus fucking christ… how many kids have they taken over the years? At least over 2 dozen. Oh Curtis…. </em>He could hear your sorrow now, it broke your voice, picture the tears streaming down your face as you mourned for all those babies you all lost in the tale end. Curtis growled out “What happens once they age out?”</p><p>Matt rolled his shoulders nonchalant like “Well if someone here wants one, they can just take them as there own, or if no one else can use them in there service, we execute them. Originally we were just gonna bring them back, but hell over crowding has started becoming an issue. You all really need to learn more creative fucking methods. What was the term you used the other day Wilford? ‘Like a bunch of god damn rabbits back there?” He chuckled at his attempt of wit.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck did they do to you Matt?!</em>
</p><p><em>They have no idea,</em> thought Curtis<em>, all the people they broke taking the children. The parents weve found that died because it broke there heart, shattered there will to live. How many women in the tail end lived in FEAR, not at the dangers of child birth, but that they might lose there children and can not stop it. How many times you confessed to him that you just couldnt get pregnant, it was just to dangerous to bring a life into all this, although he knew that you want nothing more then to be a mom one day. They had no idea they caused all that pain.</em></p><p><em>Curtis, they fully know. They just dont care. </em>Your voice flat, the truth.</p><p>Wilford shook his head, chuckling “Now now, we need them more now then ever. As I said before, the front end and tail end work together. We provide them with shelter, food and safety, they provide us with necessary replacement train parts and the occasional entertainment of cleaning up the excess baggage the train carries. Already were running smoother then before thanks to The Great Curtis Revolution.” <em>That fucker is was still trying to make that a thing, </em>Curtis could already see you rolling your eyes.</p><p>Matt cheerfully turned back towards Curtis. “And I heard that Y/N will be coming  up to the front, since you two seem to be an item now. I say Curtis you will have more options now then just her if you want. Im sure after all this time your getting bored of her. Although I cant say Im surprised about you two, she always followed you since she met you like a little whimpering puppy. How is she anyways? I haven’t thought about her in a while till Wilford brought you up. I suspect shes well.”</p><p>Curtis brows came together in anger at the mans words, at everything. That was his sister and he talked about her as if she was just a item Curtis happened to have possession of. “You havent thought about her? Your fucken kidding right? That woman constantly thinks about you, every damn day. Everything she does for others in the tail end is in your memory Matt. Even after all these years she has nightmares about how she couldnt save you, She thinks you will hate her because she cant get to you. And you havent thought about her this whole time?!” Curtis started laughing, shaking his head at all of it. Anger just making him snap at this point. “I cant believe im having this conversation with you of all people Matt. Fuck my life, they brainwashed you man. Everything about this.” Curtis waved his hand around and looked back at Matt, the laughter having died, now it was just cold facts he was raging out. “All this, its maybe more messed up then us starving and eating people, we were just trying to survive. You all think your some kind of gods for supposedly saving us and were a fucking game, you cant see why its so fucked up though, can you?!.”</p><p>Matt looked appalled over the outburst and Wilford spoke up “God Curtis your so over dramatic, cant you loosen up? Your acting like the fate of the world rests on you. Trust me, you have no control over that, and sounds like a good thing. I doubt you could handle that pressure. Look at you, so tightly wound.” Wilford made a motion like he had gone stiff, shaking.</p><p>Matt snorted in anger at the situation. “You act like you all werent happy for me, that it was my fault I earned my place by Wilfords side.” he basically spat out this next line. “That I should even care about what happened to either of you. That I deserved to be in that same shit hole as you? Wilford you really cant be serious about having Curtis be our Minister. He still lives in the old world view, has yet to embrace new world values. We are FUCKING GODS Curtis, make no mistake. Our word is the law on this train. People like my sister, all this for the people bullshit yall preached back there all the time, have no real place here. You both will get it soon enough.”</p><p>This was the final straw, Curtis couldnt, he just couldnt deal with the vile they were spewing, the lives they themselves sacrificed to try to kill him, and it was all a game to them, let alone the friends Curtis dragged into danger to get him here. With a twist, he tackled Wilford first, he had a pistol in his robes, it made sense. His right hand reared back and he caught the man unaware. When Curtis fist impacted, Wilfords head snapped back with a gush of blood exploding from his mouth and nose, those iced blue eyes rolled back and yes, it was that easy to just knock his senses askew.</p><p>Matt on the other hand had the upper hand, and he tried locking Curtis arms to his side, but a quick whip with his head backwards cracked against Mats face, and he howled out in anger and pain, releasing his hold against Curtis and cupping his face. “Your Fucker! You son of a bitch, I will kill you!” he screamed out. Clearly Matt forgot anything he learned in the tail end, cause he didnt even prepare for Curtis kick of his heavy treaded boots, hitting squarely in the chest and threw him back into the kitchenette.</p><p>Reaching wildly, Matt was able to grasp hold of a butcher knife from a black, slashing it so completely out of sync, that as Curtis ascended on him, he ducked backwards quickly when it wildly arched to him and his hand grabbed Mats wrist, twisting and crushing it in his single hand as he drew in close to the man, his hand grabbing his other hand to keep him from hitting him. “I would like to see you try, I came up here expecting alot more then over privileged cum stains like yourselves. Your finished.” He twisted Matts wrist further till he heard a snap, the knife clashing to the metal floor. Matt howled, not one of those cries out of pain, no this was a howl that almost sounded animalistic, he wrung his hand out of Curtis grasp and cradled it to his chest. Wasting no more time, Curtis ended up bashing his head into the overhead cupboards till he felt him go limp, releasing him to the floor. “Y/N, your brothers a fucking dick…” he muttered to himself.</p><p>One last issue to really take care of, Claude, she was out there guarding Yona and Nam. He heard her voice from outside of the gate, and going up behind it, he waited till he could see her yellow arm stretch beyond the gate, gun pointing inwards “Mat? answer me hon” and at that moment, Curtis pushed the door as hard as possible, crushing her into the door frame. She yelped out in pain and Curtis reached around to fist his hand in her hair and drag her into the room, kicking at her hand until it knocked the gun out. “Yona get in here now.” Claude hissed as she twisted and turned to get loose from Curtis and he gave her a vigorous shake to stun her, her hands trying to tug his loose from her scalp. “Your dead buddy, wait till Matt finds out you even touched me with your filthy paws.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I dont think hes doing much for a while sweetheart” Curtis promised her when Yona appeared in the room, wrinkling her nose at the scene before her. “We thought they would have killed you Curtis” She said softly while Nam followed along behind, sluggish. His face was pale and the rag he had pressed in his chest was soaked, still dripping big heavy drops of blood, gravity making a steady drip drip drip echo softly in this metal dungeon. “Not yet, they had other ideas apparently. Yona, can you sense where Timmy is? He went into the engine and we got to pull him out.” She had displayed hints of Clairvoyance throughout there journey, and she nodded, turning away to start searching. Claude chose this moment to start up again, smacking Curtis right in his gut and groin causing him to cuss out and tighten his grip in her hair to keep from releasing her.</p><p>“Fucken bitch” he hissed and having had enough of her, he knocked her upside the head, her screaming the whole time till she to went silent as her partners, she to was simply dropped to the floor with a thump. Still trying to catch his air once again, the ache going dull easy to ignore. <em>Dont underestimate them Curtis </em>a familiar whispered voice came to him, taking quick glances at the other two. He went to check Wilford, collecting his pistol still in his robe, and hobbled over to where Claude lost hers near the door. Handing one off to Nam, he spoke softly to him, to keep Yona from breaking concentration. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yea im fine.” The man grunted in his language, loosely translated by the box hanging off his neck. Just then he coughed and spat a wad of blood. It was clear he wasnt fine, just from the way he was wheezing, Curtis guessed at this point his lungs were filling with fluid. He had heard it before with others in the tail end. No one here was trained to drain it either, sure now that anyone who could was probably dead. He gave Nam a knowing look and the man cast a downwards glance. “Dont tell Yona, not yet.”</p><p>It was then Yona sprawled to the floor, clawing to pry up a tile “Curtis, hes here! Hes right under the tile.” her fingers scrambled against the smooth tile, and Curtis grabbed the abandoned butcher knife, wedging the tip into a crack, pushing till it popped open. What they opened was unlike anything Curtis had seen before. The small boy was squatting among the gears, digging his hands into chunks of oily gunk and digging it out, flinching every now and then when a piece of metal gear would cut shallowly into him, his arms were covered in bloody shallow knicks. Robotic like motions, he plunged his hand into the gunk and scooped out a handful. “Timmy! Timmy look up!” The little boy looked up, but it wasnt like he was seeing Curtis, more like through him. <em>Curtis whats wrong with him? </em>“Timmy you gotta get out of there, can you go back out?” <em>I dont know Baby, I dont know what they done to him.</em></p><p>The boy just ignored him, his sightless gaze going back to the task at hand, and it was then Wilford made his presence known with a heavy groan, pushing himself up to a sit, swiping at his face. “Maybe I made a mistake with you Curtis… “ His gaze bleary as he sought out Curtis and Yona kneeling over the hole. “You just dont get what were doing here, cant see the bigger picture.” He moved to get up and Nam came between them, wheezing worst then before but ready to defend them. They were running out of time and Curtis knew it. A glance at his hand was the resolve he needed. I mean, it was the sacrifice he originally was going to make in a sense anyways. And into the gears his arm shot, stopping everything in its tracks, almost immediantly the gears all locked up, the train shuddered and wobbled unsteady.</p><p>Nam was blocking Wilford from ascending, but was struggling, surprise the gun had no fucking bullets in it, Yona reached in the gaps and stretched to reach for Timmy, who still seemed oblivious to what was going on above them. “Please Timmy, take my hand.” She turned her head to the side and stretched further, facing Matt whom now was starting to groan as well, Yona started to panic “Curtis, fuck hes waking up!” Panting through the pain of his arm getting crushed in the gears, he glanced to see Matt roll to his back, covering his face with a series of curses. <em>Curtis, get my baby out of there, please!</em> This time it was Tonyas voice yelling at him to save her child. Pushing Yona back with his free hand, he shot it into the one slot Timmy might fit through and grasped the boys skinny arm, hauling him up and pushing him to Yona who wrapped him up in her arms and started to pull back.</p><p>Matts foot connected squarely with Cutis jaw, wrenching his arm out of the gears, half skinning it in the process, his whole body flinging backwards. The enraged man landed on Curtis, trying to choke him out with his single hand, his broke wrist still cradling against his chest. Even with both short the use of an arm, Curtis was able to overpower him, pushing him to sprawl backwards. In there scuffle, the gun Curtis had tucked away in his jacket fell out and in both of there lunge to retrieve it, they scuffled it across the floor to land in the open hole. Matts eyes widened a bit “Oh shit!” It took a second for Curtis to understand what the issue was, yes that gun was loaded and it was currently twisting into the gears, making the entire train shudder, then a ping ping ping!</p><p>The pressure had set off the bullets in the weapon, and all around them steam shot out of the pipes. Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking around with fear at the reaction, and there was another mighty shudder. “Its gonna go off the tracks, good job fuckers!” Wilford hissed out in a panicked rage. Another shudder and the nose of the train must have hit something, <em>an ice block on the tracks Baby </em>your voice sounding scared in his confused mind<em>,</em> cause it jerked upwards, loosing traction on the track, without the wheels working in tandem to keep the forward momentum. It scrambled everyone, slamming them to the left side, Curtis skidded on his backside, crashing into Matt, who slammed into the kitchenette cabinets. The kids they went flying backwards towards the half opened gate, falling into the car just behind, Wilford and Nam entangled together smashed into the bolted down kitchen table. Claude, she screamed in fear at just waking up to everyone being whipped around spinning backwards across the floor. The engine started to tip to its side. The side of the Engine suddenly was ripped away with a screech of metal and sparks, having hit cliff side rocks. Wilford and Nam got sucked out of the giant hole, and thats when Curtis went black, something falling and smashing him in the skull.</p><p>During this time, in the tail end, James was dragging you back down the aisle, your body bouncing against random bunks and junk scattered around from where they had torn everything apart. Finally he tossed you to sprawl on the ground and fell on your stomach, bouncing enough to knock the air out of you. “I thought we already talked about this hunny, just be a good girl and spread them. Not that I dont like it when you all fight a bit.” Thinking he had subdued you, he pulled back to hike up your coat and shirts to what he claimed as his prize. .</p><p>Taking a chance you twist and shoot a foot out to hit him in his chest to topple backwards and start to crawl away, but a large hand encircled your ankle and jerk you to fall on your belly with a omph! Panicked, your hands shoot out under a bunk to see if theres anything to hold onto. Your hand closes around a small shard, fitting in the palm. You snatch it as he keeps dragging you back, flipping you to your back with a smirk.</p><p><em>Calm down Y/N, wait for the right opportunity. </em>Of course it was Curtis calm voice, the one he used when he was bringing you back from a panic attack. You take a deep breath, and change tactics on James, stopping trying to fight, you hold up a hand in surrender. “Please, I give! What do you want?” James hand fisted in your mess of hair, tipping your head back till your throat was exposed. Dragging his tongue over you, you fight back a wave of bile burning your throat at the feeling of the man all over you. “well what do you think sweetheart, I want your sweet pussy gripping the best dick you ever had and begging for more.” God how the fuck do you not gag at that.<em> Concentrate Baby. Praise how good he is. </em>you shudder in the mans grip as he starts to palm a bruised breast, twisting it painfully like before<em>. Do I really have to Curtis?</em></p><p>
  <em>Trust me Babygirl</em>
</p><p>“You made me feel so damn good last time, and I was so ungrateful.” trying to make your voice husky with false lust and looking up at him wide eyed. Reaching up you cup James face and bite your lip, giving it your all. “But how about this time you let me make you feel good? A thank you.” Leaning up your brush your lips against his, really putting your all into drawing him into the kiss. Fucker fell for it, and he got caught up in what you were doing with your tongue, where your hands were running all over him, palming his crotch through his pants. “Biggest ive ever had”<em> Cant believe Im saying this. God I hate you bastards</em>. You were fighting everything in you to not start crying in disgust. Finally when he was panting against your lips, you push him hard enough to make him roll, his hands grasping your hips to have you follow, and <em>now…. now you fucking dick head, I have you right where I want you</em>, you think triumphant when you straddle his stomach.</p><p><em>That you do baby, you know what to do next. </em>Curtis hissed in your mind. <em>Dont hesitate, hard and quick.</em></p><p>Arching up, you smile so sweetly at James looking up at you hazily. “God I knew you were a good fuck, but this is even better then I thought it could be.Tell me im the best, better then whatever his name was.” Tracing his chest, and winking at him to respond. “Oh baby, Curtis was nothing like you.” And with a quick twist of your wrist, you shove that shard of metal in his eye, pressing down hard and quick with your palm as you could. You literally felt it pop, and the warmth of blood shoot against your palm. “Hes every fucking thing a man should be!” Smashing your hand against the next vulnerable part of him, his nose, he bucks in pain underneath you, shooting you off. Tumbling, you scramble up and start running towards the back as James is screeching, dodging the unsuspecting hands of other guards reaching out of the bunks they were laying in, some of them following James choices and there captives started to fight back in the confusion you caused. “GET THAT WHORE!” James screeching, his hand covering his eye as he struggled up, red gore oozing between his fingers.</p><p>You were looking for anyplace to hide when thrown off your feet violently.</p><p>It wasnt another person, the train started rattling on its tracks and screeching, fishtailing back and forth. One violent turn and you were flung into the bars of a bunk, screaming out as pain blossomed white hot through your spine, tumbling now. Bottom was above you, crashing onto what should have been the roof of the train, items pelting you, bouncing off and crushing you. Your cries of shock and pain turning ragged when it all rolled once more, going right side up, the kids and other survivors going through a similar experience, whipping around and around as it kept rolling and bouncing. The back end of the train had gone off the side of a cliff and falling into a valley under the tracks. everyone whipped around and around, till it crashed to a stand still.</p><p>Groaning you push up under a bunch of random debris, and try to focus. Leaning over and puking from the dizziness, you push away from the mess and look around at other passengers and guards pushing themselves out of the mess, somewhere bright light was streaming in. <em>Fuck fuck fuck fuck</em>, you have to figure out how to get one of there guns before they take control again. Pushing up, you stumble around people, some of them eerily still, twisted bodies and blank stares. Not all survived. Relief flooded you as you saw more and more kids scrambling to your side. “Quick, find anything we can use as a weapon.” urging them with a hushed voice, they scattered to fulfill your request. Coming across a dead guard, your quick to strip him off anything valuables. Shouldering a rifle over your shoulder, more children and some of the women came back, fight in the adults eyes, most of the kids holding something they could use.</p><p>“Hey, Yall get yer asses back here!” some fucker drawled heavy accented, and a look over your shoulder saw that they had rejoined ranks. “Quick, get out that hole!” You urge your group, scrambling back the opposite way where the light was, bullets whizzed at you, ducking just in time, it clipped a woman next to you, <em>fuck it was the woman who helped you before, Sara. </em>Saracried out grabbing her shoulder. Grabbing her waist, you tug her to follow along and aim the automatic rifle in your hand, just randomly shooting behind you as she climbed up to fall out of the hole with a yelp. No one followed you as you to scrambled out, maybe for once luck was on your side, there seemed to be alot less of them then there was of you survivors.</p><p>Crashing rather ungracefully over the edge of the train car, you land in the snow, and blinded you try looking around, drawing in for the first time in 18 years, fresh air. It burned your lungs,the intense cold and just that it was so god damn clean. Looking around your surrounded by cliffs, and as your eyes go into focus you can see where you all went over the edge, snow still rolling down, and scattered around you was a few more cars, above one hung precariously over the edge. <em>Fuck, how did you all survive that? </em>“Y/N, what do we do?” What do you do? What would Curtis do? You all had never discussed being on the outside. “We have to get away from here, they will be coming out any second after us.” Everyone shivered around you, wrapping arms around themselves. The entire group surrounding you wouldnt make it for long without shelter and heat.  </p><p>
  <em>“Curtis” You voice was soft, he missed that.<br/></em>
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  <em>“Hey baby” He looked over his shoulder and smiled.</em>
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  <em>“Curtis” You looked lost to him, confused.<br/></em>
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  <em>“Im right here Babes” He held out an hand to reach for you.<br/></em>
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  <em>“CURTIS” Why wouldnt you take his hand?<br/></em>
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  <em>”Babygirl, whats wrong?” Striding over to reach for You, his brows coming together in confusion.</em>
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  <em>“CURTIS!” Fear and Panic etched all over you</em>
</p><p>He sat straight up with a gasp, Yona falling back from where she had been leaning over him, her face a look of fear and shock, tears tracking down her face. “What the fuck happened?!” Curtis cussed as he wildly looked around, Timmy was rocking on his heels next to Curtis, and he reached over to touch the boy, make sure he was real. “Yona… wheres Nam?” The girl shook her head, and straightened from where he knocked her over.</p><p>“Wilford and Dad are not here. That guy and girl are, over there.” She pointed among the mess. “But they wont wake up, I checked.” Curtis moved to get up, wincing. There was something broken, just ribs hopefully. He wouldnt be taking deep breaths anytime soon. And then his gaze went to his mangled hand, <em>Okay this is more serious.</em> Wincing as he pulled his sleeve over it to protect it, it had at least clotted enough to stop bleeding but had no idea what the real damage was yet on it. Timmy just stayed rocking nearby, Curtis debating what to do, the boy had obviously been traumatized by what had happened. But at this point, there was more pressing matters. “Yona, grab that butcher knife” Somehow they still had it.</p><p>Going to a panel, Curtis inspected it and with the knife, they managed to pry it off, and tossing the panel to the side. <em>Ahhh, bingo</em>, Curtis tested the wires and finding them not live wires, he started to pull and yank them out. “Cut these, a good three feet at least” He stretched it out, and Yona started slicing back and forth. Right now his first worry was Matt and Claude coming around before they could be tied up. He probably should just kill them after everything, but Curtis was just done with death. At least for now, and if You ever found out he had killed your brother, He simply couldnt. Claude, <em>well we will see what ends up happening with that bitch.</em> You snigger. Curtis had to hide a bit of a laugh, apparently his imagination made you a bit dark.</p><p>Yona, well he would be royally screwed without the girl, she was nimble and quick with her knots, the two of them dragging the still unconscious duo to a wall, tying them tight and far apart so they couldnt help one another, Curtis finally sighed in relief. At least for now he didnt have to worry about them at the moment. Yona again came to the rescue,having found coats in the other car, wrapping her and Timmy up.</p><p>“Theres a way out in the other car Curtis, a few are outside, just… standing around. I think they are high still.” Her own eyes bleary, it occurred to Curtis she to was coming down from the kronoles and alcohol she consumed on the trudge to the front. His voice soft “Are you okay yourself?” She twitched a bit and nodded. “Just after effects, nothing I havent felt before.” Curtis didnt like it, but he had to trust her, completely out of options. Yona took Timmys hand and together the three of them worked there way out of the Engine, and the next car, well it wasnt much better off then theres was, completely flipped over, several dead. Curtis was still questioning how they even made it out. What about the tail end? You? The anxiety of not knowing…. A deep breath was drawn in, and made him instantly regret that, <em>fuck my ribs.</em></p><p>Popping his head out, rubbing at his face, he took it in. Oh God your voice echoes, and before him, stretched across the blinding whiteness of where you all ended up, was just destruction, chaos, and more death. Twisted metal cars, split open to spill out its contents to scatter across the snow, it seemed like the end wasnt to bad off the further he looked down the line, but shouldnt there be more?</p><p>
  <em>Wheres the rest of the train Curtis?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Were going to go find out Y/N, Im not leaving you out there alone.</em>
</p><p>Nearby there was a small group of people, most of them were hiding in heavy fur coats, and watching them for a moment, Curtis pegged Yona to be right. These fuckers are high as a god damn kite. There were a few though, that looked more put together, and Curtis recognized one of them, his eyes narrowing. Right now he didnt have any of the typical gear on, but it was one of the men who would bring there protein bars.<em> Wonder how many you I got to deal with?</em> Curtis sighed, fuck he was so tired suddenly. “TImmy climb on my back” He ordered and squatted enough for the boy to wrap his arms around his neck. Going to the edge, he deemed it safe enough and jumped down, stifling a groan at the jolt in his ribs. His hand, god that was just a steady throb.</p><p>Yona inched to the edge, her feet coming over the edge, and she slid off as much as possible till she landed on Curtis shoulder, his arm wrapping around her thighs to keep her from tipping over and easing down for her to get off. As he straightened the men whom he dared guessed were some of the guards came over, they were scuffed, but not bad off as Curtis nearly was, and he braced himself for the typical aggression he knew from them, but they all held up there hands in a peace sign.</p><p>“Seriously man, were not going to do anything.” Curtis took a step back from them anyways, keeping the kids behind him. Yona peaked around him warily, studying them.</p><p>“Curtis right? weve heard of you. Listen, we have to look for survivors, this group over here is kind of useless right now, and these cars might have people trapped.” One started, another picked up.</p><p>“Front, Back…. it makes no difference now, Theres probably not enough left to make it count.”</p><p>“Right… suddenly im supposed to believe you all have a good conscious?” Curtis sure as hell wasnt going to trust them, 18 years of entrapment will do that to a man. Yona tugged on his jacket, and he spared her a look.</p><p>“Good, they will help us.” He nodded encouragement, and his gut twisted. The girl hadnt been wrong yet, but his mistrust and instinct was still was overriding that. He trusted another and betrayed everything he believed in.</p><p>
  <em>Curtis, she hasn't been wrong yet, she's special.</em>
</p><p><em>Alright Alright</em>, he thought, holding out his uninjured hand, he growled out. “truce for now… we won't give you any trouble. We're making our way towards the back to check on our people.” One of the guards winced.</p><p>“The back? We were coming over a bridge when the train derailed. Honestly, the fact any of this is still here is shocking. Im sure the back end came off the rest of the train and went over the cliffside. A fall like that in a hunk of metal.” The man shrugged in an im sorry motion “The chances are not great anyone in those cars would survive such a fall. The tail end, its gone. Any survivors will be making there way up this way.” He looked over his shoulder and sure enough, people were slowly coming in groups. “Slim, the chances are slim, but… maybe…”</p><p><em>Slim, the chances were slim, but… maybe…</em> it was all Curtis heard after he said those words. </p><p>
  
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Whos Left</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Curtis takes Yona and Timmy towards the back of the train, finding unexpected survivors along the way. You are caught in a situation not so simple to escape from. Violence</p>
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</p><p>The group followed you, but hell if you knew where you were going, more and more people came out of the cars scattered around, equally in as much shock as you. Somewhere someone was wailing uncontrollably, there was still who knows how many guards in the car you all left, and right now the mix of people looking at You, of all people to tell them what to do. It was just overwhelming. Almost to much. You could feel your breathing rush in hurried huffs, and your senses starting to swarm.</p><p>
  <em>Babygirl Breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Curtis Its to much. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Think, you need to get them out of the cold first, Shelter. Pick the best car. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Okay….</em>
</p><p>“Alright everyone were not gonna last out here, and its gonna be dark soon.” Shadows were starting to stretch around you all, and the sky above you all was going from a bright blue hue to purplish and bits of stars were scattering around. When you looked up, it was still like out of a dream. When did you last gaze at stars? “Is there any car anyone knows of that might have food, blankets… anything?” </p><p>Everyone looked among one another, when someone you were least suspecting to see stepped forward, Paul, who had been taken from the tail end years ago cleared his throat. “That one on the end, its full of protein bars, the machinery is all broke, but that one and the one behind are still connected together when I came out, and it was abandoned before Curtis came through. Plenty of room for all of us.” You nod in agreement, and sure everyone stayed together, you all moved as a group. Falling back to where Paul brought up the rear, you walked beside him, silent for a bit. </p><p>“Paul… have you been in that car this whole time?” You did the math, it was five or six cars up if the old maps in Gilliams place were correct. </p><p>“Yea, it wasnt a bad gig” The man shrugged his shoulder. “Lonely, but I still got to see people a few times a day. They came to collect the bars, hand me the red letters.” </p><p>Your brows come together, the ones Curtis depended on. “Red letters, the ones giving us clues on how to break out?” </p><p>“Oh I dont know what they said, I was just told to place them in random bars and make sure they went out to the tail end.” Paul just stated as if it was common knowledge.</p><p><em>Fucking hell, this whole time it was a set up. </em>The thought occurred to you, the weight of it was so heavy in your chest, you held back a sob. All those hours Curtis planned around the information sent<em>. All of it just a set up. Why? </em></p><p>“How was Curtis when he went through?”<em> Was he okay? How long ago was this? Must have been a couple days ago at least. <br/></em></p><p>“He was fine Y/N, shocked to see me, and and pissed about the red letters, but hey, I do what Im told. Okay, this should be the one.” He broke away from you, and climbed up to the door, ducking inside. You glance over your shoulder, and your old car is barely in view, and you could see a few men standing near it, but unable to really tell if it the armed guards. Hopefully they are unable to get there shit together and try anything. Luckily you and the kids had a good amount of weapons collected before you bolted to the outside. </p><p>Paul called from inside “Y’all can come on in.” Sara limped up next to you, pressing a red rag to her shoulder, looking up. “I’m gonna need help this time” You nod and lope an arm around her waist, feeling her weight lean into you. “I got you this time Sara, were in this together.” The woman flashed you a grateful smile, and together you two wait for the crowd to disperse inside. Once it was just the two of you, you climb up first and reach back, taking her good arm, and as quickly as you were able, you help her up into the doorway, and together you two enter. </p><p>It was dim, but nothing like the tail end darkness, so your sight adjusts quickly, already people are huddling together, passing along protein bars, and mostly its quiet except for the occasional hushed whispers. The person wailing endlessly had since stopped in one of the many cars you all passed. Exhaustion and Shock kept you from searching them out. You should, guilt eats at you. But you turn away from the door for now, checking over the people instead. So far all the kids, including a few from the other cars all seemed fine. You knew Sara was bad off, and you found a few others with lacerations, bad bruises and concussions, and at least two who had a shoulder thrown out of joint. But the reports of those that couldn’t be helped was outstanding. </p><p>The one thing you were relieved to find was that no one seemed to be fighting. It was a mix of all sorts of factions, there were at least ten cars that dropped, and it ranged from you tail enders, a few from the prison section from what you could tell by there clothing, and a few “lower class” carts that were still much better off then you all were. But now everyone simply were together, there was no breaking of class. Hopefully it would just stay that way. All in all, there were about 30 of you crammed in as tight as possible to stay warm. </p><p>You moved back to the entrance and set on the edge, with the gun you had brought with you, keeping an eye on the landscape. Watching for any others to follow there trail, friend or foe. You roll up the collar of your coat you were wearing. It wasnt keeping you very warm, but better then nothing. Your eyes half closed hours later, and nodding off.</p><p>
  <em>It was so damn cold… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know it is baby, you should close your eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Liar, thats just my mind playing tricks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All you could hear was his agreeing laughter, yea you couldnt sleep.</em>
</p><p>“Miss?” A warm hand came to your face, the back of it touching your wind burned ruddy cheeks, making you gasp in surprise and jump slightly. </p><p>“Wh-at? Oh sorry… I must have nodded off.” </p><p>The man smiled, settling down in the doorway across from you, his jacket was slightly heavier, but still clouds of breath escaped him to glide into the night. “Its okay, you should let me take over for a while? I know we dont know each other, but its not on just you to watch. I can help any more that might arrive inside.” </p><p>You eye him, and he had warm eyes from what you can tell, god you wish you knew if you could trust him. “Im not just looking for more survivors. Our tail end was being held under guard. When we left, it was escaping them as well. Not many survived, but enough.” </p><p>“Yes, we saw the guards come through after the revolution passed through.” Another sign of Curtis, further up from Pauls car. You couldn’t help but smile hearing about him, fuck you missed him terribly. You hid your smile in your coat, finally it passed and you turned back to the man. “He is a stubborn man when he wants something. And he wanted us out of the tail end.” </p><p>“That he does, we had no cause to stand in there way, he passed us peacefully. Some of out people actually joined his cause. Its not as bad as your car, but we are tired of the imprisonment as well. My name is John by the way.” He held his hand out, and you unfolded yours from your sleeve, shaking his and gave your name as well. You werent going to give up your post, and he relaxed on the opposite side, apparently not willing to leave. You two were quiet for a time, when piercing through the night was the worst sound youve heard in a while. It kareened from the top of the cliff, a scream that echoed around the valley you were all stuck in. </p><p>It made you jump up, leaning out of the doorway to look up. And John did the same, cussing softly “Fuck what was that?” You shook your head. </p><p>“Nothing good…. “</p><p> During the time You were settling the survivors in the car, Curtis paused panting, it had long since grown dark out, following the light of the stars above them, it made the snow glow silver, stretching out in front of them. The train didn’t seem this long when he was fighting his way through the cars. Of course then it was adrenaline fueling him on. This time it was exhaustion. “Timmy, lets take a break buddy.” The boy on his back tightened his arms around Curtis neck, not wanting to let go, muttering sleepily in against his neck. “Okay… just swing around man.” Curtis coached him, and soon he had the boy slid around to his chest, stepping over to stand next to Yona, who was already curled up against the side of the train to get out of the wind. She needed more clothes, better clothes, fuck. </p><p>“Yona, take Timmy… “ Curtis pried the boys arms from around his neck, and she sleepily reached up to take the kid, drawing him into her. Curtis shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over them. Looking into the dark car they were huddling against, maybe there was some blankets in there. He heard rustling inside, but nothing more. Grabbing an outside bar, he pulled himself into the entrance to look inside He couldn’t make out anyone in the shadows, but that meant nothing. “I’m coming in, I don’t want any trouble.” </p><p>Hearing nothing more, he slid inside, it didnt look like he was going to have much luck. Nothing but bodies scattered around, and axes, the smell of blood, dried blood prominent. Shit, this was the car from the bridge. Thats when he saw that the tied prisoners he had left behind were killed to, deep ax cuts to there neck, squatting near one, he studied the man, drawing his own conclusions. They must have finished off the rest after he left. Breathing in deeply and rubbing a hand against his face. They had the right to after all the torture they had endured over the years, but part of him was still disappointed in the death. So much fucken death.</p><p><em>At least it was quicker then starving and shit, </em>he thought. </p><p>
  <em>Its still wrong Curtis, they were unarmed at this point. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yea I know, but can you blame them. We were unarmed and starving in the tail end and they never gave a shit. </em>
</p><p><em>A touch of your hand and sigh, you just were so damn tired in his mind</em>. </p><p>“Curtis?” a voice from the other end mentioned, and he pushed to a stand, brows furrowed at the noise, he swore he heard his name. “Hello?” </p><p>“Curtis! back here!” It was louder, more urgent. He recognized that voice, Tam from the back, she had come up behind them once the fighting was done, helping the injured. Curtis made his way over the scattered bodies and debris scattered around, and what did he find, fuck he found a small group of his people, helping one another up, and others laying out side by side, ones that had injuries, preventing them from moving to much. Tam moved to grasp Curtis pulling him into an affectionate hug “Damn are we glad to see you! We lost most everyone Curtis, were all thats left. They came back through and pinned us down, claimed 74 percent of us were to be killed.” The tears streamed down her face freely, as she released him and pulled back. “they were about to march us back when the train, I’m guessing went off the track? It caught them unaware enough we were able to fight back. There wasn’t many…. but we just didn’t know what to do, what was ahead, if you, Tonya, Nam… the rest were still alive?” </p><p>Curtis shook his head, swallowing down the sorrow. “No, they didn’t make it. Its just me, Yona, and I was able to get Timmy back. Not Andy, I never saw him.” </p><p>Tams head hung for the loss of there friends, and Curtis turned his attention back to the door. “I got to go get Yona and Timmy, now that I know its you all, we we will stay here. Tomorrow those that can, we are going to see about whats left of the tail end. I was told they went over a cliff… but I have to know.” </p><p>Tam nodded, as well as a few others that came to join in the conversation, Curtis questioned. “No ones seen Y/N, have they?” Maybe you didn’t listen, he could hope.</p><p>“No, she stayed in the back with the kids…. just like you told her she had to.” They had all seen you drag her back into Gilliams quarters just before it all started. Curtis sighed to himself, not his finest moment thinking back on it. It tore him to think now how you two left things. How you might not be…. </p><p>
  <em>STOP IT! You cant think that way. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I shouldn’t have done that babygirl, left you in anger. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No WE shouldn’t, we will fix this, go get the kids now. </em>
</p><p>Turning away from the group, he made his way back, and looking out the door, he saw his two charges still under his jacket, hiding away. “Timmy, Yona, lets get inside, its safe.” Yona first poked her head out from there little hideaway, and pushed Timmy into a stand, the two of them making there way to the entrance. Reaching down, Curtis grasped Timmys arm and hauled him up the side, pulling him in “Go all the way to the back, Tam and them are up there.” The boy nodded and started to head towards the back, Curtis leaned down and took a wrapped Yoda by the arm, and she was slightly heavier, grunting with the effort and pain lacing his ribs as she scrambled best she could up the side, landing with a oof when she fell in. “Sorry Yona” He apologized while she brushed herself off and made to take off his coat to return it. “ no you hang onto it for now. I will take it back tomorrow morning. Maybe they have something back there you can use before we head out.”</p><p>“But your gonna freeze Curtis” Her head tilted, studying him. He dismissed it with a shake of his head and together they headed back to the group. Tam was kneeling next to Timmy, cupping his face and studying some of the bruises on his face. The boy was starting to come out of the trance state Curtis first found him in, talking more. He had yet to ask about his mother, and Curtis figured right now it would be to much to have that discussion, Not yet anyways. If he wasn’t asking, Curtis was content to let it just stay silent till they were all in a better place. </p><p>“Our wounded, how bad are they?” Curtis asked another as he headed over to see whom was over there, it wasn’t <em>your</em>, or <em>the </em>it was Our, they were a group again, looking out for one another best they could. There looked like five or six, some perfectly silent, another one was groaning in his sleep. Tam came over, her arms folded around her “Bad, I don’t know if they will all make it. What I wouldn’t give for Y/N to be here, at least we would have some direction in what to do” Curtis clenched his jaw hearing this. </p><p><em>Fuck I wish you were here to baby.</em> He sighed inwardly, what he wouldn’t give to hear you tell him it would be okay. </p><p>“The one i’m most worried about is Edgar, the wound is deep, and it took a while for the wound to clot. I mean hes conscious…” </p><p>“Wait! Edgars alive?!” Curtis scanned over the covered people again, looking for anyone familiar. </p><p>“Yea, hes that one up at the end, wait… you didn’t know Curtis?” Tam followed along behind and Curtis made his way over, and sure enough, Edgar was fast asleep, pale as hell, but damn it the kid was alive. “No, we left in such a hurry after the bridge…” He rushed his words to Tam, just in shock. Curtis collapsed to his knees next to him, relief just washing over him. “Fuck man its good to see you” He whispered, and beside him Edgar groaned and opened his eyes. </p><p>“Yea man, its good to see you to.”</p><p>What happened hung in the air, but left unsaid for now, Curtis knew he had yet another apology to make, another mistake. Edgar went to sit up and Tam immediately put a stop to that. </p><p>“You lay your ass back down Edgar. You lost to much blood to be moving around any, and that wound reopens, no telling if we can get it to stop.” With a roll of his eyes he fell back to lay still. Curtis looked questioning up at Tam.</p><p>“The knife missed the spine and vitals, but its deep enough to leave a gaping hole. It needs to be sewed up, or cauterized. But we just don’t have the materials.” Edgar raised enough to lean on his elbow. </p><p>“Well someone should go looking for that shite, right?” Curtis was relieved to hear that accent of his once more, never thought he would hear it again. “I cant be laying up here the whole damn time.” </p><p>It occurred to Curtis that maybe they could do one. “Yona… Yona, has my jacket. Nam gave me a smoke just before, theres some matches in the pocket.” Tam hurried over to where Yona was sleeping, searching in the pockets of his jacket. Rewarded when she pulled out the old half disintegrated book of matches, and miraculously they were still dry. Curtis started looking around for things to burn, searching the deads pockets for anything flammable. Finally having an plan in place, meant he could at least fix part of something. </p><p>Having enough materials gathered, Curtis collected one of the Axes, cleaning off the dried blood caking the edge. He hoped the fire would burn off any other debris to keep from infecting Edgar. Tam worked on getting the fire hot, and Edgar laid on his stomach, watching the flames. Curtis eyes would glance up once in a while to catch his expression. Clouded, unsure if it was from pain, or remembering how Curtis how turned away when Masons men had the knife to his throat. Curtis couldn’t forget it, He shouldn’t have left him. </p><p>“Edgar I—” </p><p>“Stop man, were not doing this. Not now, not ever.” Edgar glared at him to shut him up, and Curtis closed his mouth, running the rag once more over the blades edge, there was a tiny spot, he swore he could see it although the axe gleamed spotless. </p><p>Moments later, Tam blew lightly on the fire, and it went from hot reddish orange to white hot laces of blue. “I think this is as hot as were gonna get it Curtis, put the blade in.” She sat back, and rested her hands on her knee. “Edgar, your ready for this?”</p><p>“As ready as I’m gonna be” He winced a bit and settled in. Giving the axe time to heat, the trio remained silent, all till there was a slight smolder rising from the head pushed in the coals. “Bite on this” Tam informed, holding out a cloth. Reluctantly, cause damn this was gonna hurt like a bitch, Edgar wedged it in his mouth, nodding. </p><p>Curtis moved to hes shoulders, his uninjured arm pressing on either side of his shoulder blades. Putting his weight behind it, he was sure Edgar would thrash, and it was vital to keep him as still as possible. He felt the man drawing in deep breaths and surprisingly he seemed relaxed under his hold, calm. Tam moved in close to Edgars side, lifting the handle of the ax and drawing it out of the fire. They had seconds to sear it shut, having the metal hot enough to scar him closed. Curtis gave a curt, ‘Im ready’ nod, and Tam laid the broad side of the axe right over the wound. </p><p>It was a hiss at first, the scent of burning flesh rising almost immediately, and Edgar tensed rigidly, trying to push away and the noise. The noise was probably the hardest part to deal with. Not the smell, not feeling Edgar try to escape pain. It rose so sharply, that Edgar lost what he was biting on, and it just seemed magnified from where they were in the hollowed car. Curtis almost lost his hold on him, having to dig in his heel and lean fully into him. “Come on Edgar, its gonna be okay, were almost done” </p><p>His words had no meaning, and finally after a bit, Edgar just collapsed under him, Tam yanked the axe away, and Curtis broke into a sob, dropping his forehead to lean against the passed out Edgars head. “Fuck, I’m so sorry… “ his voice dragged out. Edgar was like his brother, this on top of everything else just fuck was tearing him. After a few moments to calm himself down, Curtis leaned over to check that he was breathing fine. <em>Thank fuck he passed out</em>, Curtis could hear your worry edging your voice.<em> The wound, make sure its sealed Curtis…. </em></p><p>His hand slid down Edgars back, and deep redness had settled in, around the cut it was black, a few shallow boils forming, but all in all, the hole was shut. “I think we got it Tam” He said as released his hold on Edgar and Tam as careful as could be dragged the blanket up to where the wound was still red hot, not daring to put anything on it. </p><p>“What do you wanna do next Curtis?” Tam moved over to sit next to him, drawing her legs up and staring into the fire that was loosing its drive to burn, having scored most of the material into ash at this point. Curtis nudged some of it with his boot, shifting the coals. Already he was falling into that leader roll, he could sense others were listening into there conversation, waiting to see what he would say. </p><p>
  <em>I wonder how they would feel if they knew I caused the train to derail. <br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>No different babes, now were not prisoners anymore, were actually free to make our own choices for our future. </em>
</p><p>“Going to check on the end cars like my original plan was. There is probably survivors and we have to check on our people, if they survived, there might be some that need help with injuries. Then back towards the front, theres food up there, the cars up there are in better shape.”</p><p>“What about the front enders?” Tam questioned, and Curtis looked at her with a shrug.</p><p>“They either accept us, or we will push them out. Thats been the goal this whole time, and I’m not stopping now.” So matter of fact, Tam went silent, and together they waited till morning to come seeping in, a new day, a new way of life. </p><p>You were watching the beginning of your first sunrise, and you couldn’t help the tears that yet again got caught in your lashes. There are different kinds, and in the past few days you shed them all. Grief, pain, fear… but these felt different, rewarding. There salty drops fell on your lips and a flick of the tongue collected them before you brushed them away. John stretched and with a pop of his arms over his head, he moved to a stand. “I’ve seen many of these over the years… “ You look up in surprise, then consider, well maybe his section had windows. “… But this is the best damn sunset i’ve seen.” </p><p>“Its the first one I’ve seen in seventeen years” You remarked, blinking against the light bouncing off the ice and snow. “And I have to say its more beautiful then I remember it being.” </p><p><em>I wish you could see this Handsome,</em> a wistful tone in your thoughts. </p><p>
  <em>I am baby, almost the best thing I’ve ever seen…. almost. </em>
</p><p><em>Love you to Curtis.</em> </p><p>While you were admiring the arrival of light, a flash out of the corner of your eye catches your attention, and you tilt your head to the side to see what it was. Mistake…. as you found out when a sharp whizz blew over your head and bounced off the metal with a loud ping and sparks flew, both you and John tumbling back with wide eyed gasps. “What the fuck!” he exclaimed and you scramble low to rest the weapon you stole from them the day before out the entrance of the car. </p><p>“Remember how I told you we were being held under guard? Well… I might have stabbed one in the eye just before the train derailed. They want us back for other things as well.” </p><p>“Do you even know how to use that Y/N?” John asked as he to ducked out of line of sight, staying further hidden then you. </p><p>“No, but I can give an educated guess. How about you see if there is someone back there who does?” You use the scope to look, they were still a distance off, and with luck John would be back sooner with someone who knew how to use one of these thing. So far nothing more has been fired, since you no longer made yourself a target, but you tried to study them, count how many there were. So far give made up the line, but who knows, some might be on the other side of the train, holding back… You scanned away from the edge, across the landscape, but that didn’t hold anything worth noticing. Maybe, just maybe there were only five left. Five fully trained to use there weapons men. FUCK. </p><p>“Hey, found someone!” John exclaimed and a petite woman slid up beside you, glancing over the edge. “These bastards wanna play fire with fire? Lets give them some back.” Well damn, you hand it over immediately as she made herself comfortable. “Johanna by the way, nice to meet you Y/N” she caught you by surprise knowing your name, and she smirked. “Hey I was a few car up from John, weve all heard of you tail enders and your revolution. About fucken time.” She peered into the scope and flipped off the safety. Seeming to take measure of where she was aiming, Johnana proved patient. John had long sense disappeared back among the group to gather more bullets, hopefully they had enough to keep this new threat back.</p><p>It was so sudden, her finger was resting on the trigger, and then a couple shots went off, she barely flinched at the moment, but you cringed with them both. A curse muttered from her lips as she pulled back “They are sticking pretty close to the train, hard to get a shot off at this side angle, but they are now at least aware were not defenseless.” </p><p>Curtis shook his head at Yona, who stood defiant before him, her arms crossed over her chest and head tilted to the side. “Your not going, thats that. Stay here and help look after the others.” </p><p>“That is foolish, I can help.” She pushed, trying her hardest to convince him. “My dad… he might be out there.” A softer tone making her look down, trying to also convince herself that maybe, just maybe he survived. Curtis squatted down closer to her level, his hands cupping her face to make her look at him. </p><p>“Yona, I swear if hes alive, I will bring him back, okay? After everything he did for us, you have my word. I really need you here, Timmy trusts you more then these others, and Edgar needs to be taken cared of. Please, can you do this for me?” </p><p>This seemed ot appease the young woman, who gave a nod relenting and once they both agreed to these terms, she went to Edgars side, kneeling beside him and touching his forehead. The man was still asleep, and Curtis hoped it wasnt a sign of any kind of fever, although Tam remained nearby constantly hovering. His back was still an angry red, but it wasn’t as intense feeling of heat rolling from the wound, so that was something. </p><p>Gathering others to join him, they all worked there way out of the train. Mostly they had axes shared among them, there were a few discarded rifles from the earlier battle at the bridge, in which Curtis himself collected one, slinging it around to hang off his back. They went in a single file, the few of them that joined, and every car they came to, they checked for survivors. After the brutal cold night, they weren’t successful in find any stragglers. Before they even got to the cliffs edge, a noise was brought to them. <em>Sounds like… gunshots. </em>The whole group looked at one another and sped up, pushing through the snow as fast as they could break through it. Once they reached the cliff, they looked down to see what the hell was going on. </p><p>The cars below were scattered around, some on there sides, some had still somehow remained upright, but it was a mess, there old car, the tail end was on its side, dented and half split at the seam. It must have hit the hardest the way it was bounced away from the others, sure its momentum had dragged the rest down with it.. From what Curtis could see, the survivors were pinned in one car, the one that seemed to still be upright, by the cliff face. Those outside of the car, Wilfords men, the ones Wilford issued the kill orders to. Shots were exchanged with from a group of men pressing along another car for coverage. But a scan of showed others coming up the backside. Shit… He was sure none of them had any idea there was more then what those that was shooting at them. </p><p>Curtis swung the weapon he carried around, and took aim best he could. There was no telling at this distance and his general inexperience if he was close to any of the targets, the couple others that also had the same advantage took up sentry on each side of him. Picking a target, Curtis took a breath and steadied himself till his sight wasn’t shaking. A breath out, and he pulled that trigger. The resounding BOOM flooded the valley, snow spitting up feet from the man. He missed but the guy stumbled back and raced around the corner of the car. Curtis other companions also fired at around the same time. And one aimed just so, the guard falling back with a burst of red scattering across the snow. Direct kill shot. </p><p>Surprised at now being shot above, the rest scrambled away, heading away from the cliff face and using the demolished cars for cover, they soon were out of sight for the time being. Curtis swung the rifle in a sweeping motion, checking before going to the pinned car, and studying it for movement. </p><p>Thats when he caught a glimpse. It was not even a second, and Curtis could only guess that it was actually You, but it was enough for his chest to tighten painfully, and all those other things just narrow into one single thought. </p><p>YOU WERE ALIVE. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. One Problem At A Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You and Curtis reunite, deal with some issues in the valley and reconnect 2 of the groups. Tension between you and Curtis. Violence</p>
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</p><p class="tmblr-attribution">
  <a href="https://tmblr.co/ZQUH3n1cYjL2E">Originally posted by uncensoredsideblog</a>
</p><p>The firing from above was surprising, You and Johanna witnessed Wilfords old guard squad shout out in alarm and close ranks retreating. Johanna lowered the rifle, and breathed out hard enough to flip the hair that fell in her eyes back. “I dont know who it is… but they are pushing them back.” You sneak a peek out to see if you can catch sight of anyone, but thats when you hear the cry of alarm behind you, and you pull back, disappearing inside. Following your name being cried out, you see where someone got a ricochet. It had luckily lost some of its momentum, but still embedded enough to cause blood to blossom all over there shoulder and clutch at it to stop the bleeding. </p><p>“Shit” You try to drag the man into the nearest light without making yourselves possible targets. “Shirt off… Whats your name?” You ask as you maneuver him, grabbing the hem of his shirt and start to pull it over his head. </p><p>He grunted as you lifted the shirt over his head. “Mickey… we was trying to get the kids into the back once we heard the firing started, but not fast enough apparently.” His eyes watered a bit, but other then that, he stayed perfectly still. </p><p>“Yea it got pretty dicey there for a bit. Does anyone have a knife?” You start hold out your hand till someone shoves a military grade blade into it and you start cutting off pieces of clothing off one of his shirts, and directing him to sit down, so you at least didnt have to go to your tip toes to dig out the shard. “Okay Mickey, Im gonna be as quick as I can, promise. Just please dont move.” </p><p>“No worries Miss, I can handle it.” He took a deep breath and nodded in affirmation that he was ready. <em>Lets get this done</em>, you coached yourself, never actually having removed anything like this. Your head tilted and the tip of your tongue stuck out as you started to use the tip to wedge along one side. Mickey was true to his word and stayed still, allowing you to dig further into his flesh till THERE, the tip slid underneath and you could pop it out “Got it!” </p><p>Wadding the piece of cloth against the seeping wound, you are careful not to touch anything as his blood was all over your hands. “Be right back, keep the pressure on it.” John stepped in to monitor him as you make your way back to Johanna who was looking through the scope up at the cliff. “Son of a bitch, hes gonna do it….” </p><p>“Safe to go out and scrub my hands you think, and do what?” You question as you look over her shoulder, and Johanna drops the scope to look without the assistance to the top of the cliff. “This bastard, hes gonna jump down., OH HELL THERE HE GOES!” This is when you lean out and your jaw drops. </p><p>Curtis pulled back the rifle when he thought he saw you, holding his breath, hoping for another glance, anything to confirm it was you he saw. Rolling away from the edge, and up to his feet, he paced the edge for a moment. “I gotta get down there now, do we have any rope?” He asked the person closest to him, the man shaking his head and asking another nearby. Resounding negatives sounded, and Curtis just didnt have the time to search the train cars for any. Looking over the edge, he studied the way down, noticing small juts of ice build up on what he guessed were ledges, he formed an idea. Was it crazy? Most likely, but what the fuck. Sliding the rifle strap over his shoulder, he held it out to anyone close by. “Give me an axe, Im gonna need you all to cover me while I make my way to the train car.” </p><p>The man whom he had asked for rope earlier looked down the side as if studying what Curtis had been looking at, frowning for a moment in thought, then his eyes widened. “Man you cant.” </p><p>Curtis didnt even pause as he hefted the axe, checking it was one with the sharper blades, and swung it around in a loop once, twice, three times to loosen his good arm. “Man I am.” </p><p>“Thats could be a damn suicide jump. Your gonna break your legs, even with the deeper snow at the bottom, you have no clue whats down there!.” </p><p>Curtis shifted to the edge, turning his body so that his good side holding the axe would be close to the cliff wall. “Yea well, I might not know what, but I know who is down there, and who knows when those fuckers will be back.” </p><p>
  <em>CURTIS EVERETT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DIE, YOU AND ME BUDDY, WERE THROUGH. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No were not, and I will be fine, trust me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Trust you? Fucken hell Curtis your lucky I do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thats my girl. </em>
</p><p>And it seemed like he just stepped off the edge, plunging the axe into the snow and ice on the side, it slowed him down slightly in his descent, and he was able to steer himself enough to land on the ledge he was aiming for. For all of five seconds. </p><p>It gave out from under him “Oh shit” he exclaimed as he dropped down, trying to smash the axe head back into the side, it finally went in, but he just sped up more, bouncing off the wall once in a while, fuck his ribs. Well they are definitely broken now if they werent before, and all around him white rolls of snow started shifting, and racing down with him. Soon it was enough to be considered an avalanche, and he landed heavily at the bottom, a dumping of snow landing on top of him. </p><p>You jumped out of the train, with Johanna leaning out trying to catch you and stop you from taking off. But you rolled out of her grip. “Y/N! Come back, its not safe!” But damn it, you werent paying attention to anything but Curtis falling down the side of the cliff. <em>HE JUMPED! THAT BASTARD JUMPED, GOD DAMN IT CURTIS!</em> you screamed internally as you plowed your way through snow almost to your knees, falling every now and then, and struggling to get up, the whole time your panicked mutters of “nonononono” filled a bit of the silence after the snow crashed on top of itself at the bottom. By the time you reached the cliff face, all around you was just white swirls where the snow had yet to properly settle. “Curtis! Where are you?” You yelled out, looking all around you, but nothing, just white. Unsettled wisps blowing in your face. </p><p>“Come on baby, answer me” your voice is starting to panic as you start searching under you, for anything Curtis shaped. If hes trapped under the snow, hes going to suffocate, sobs of fear escaping, and tears brimming your vision. You plunge your arms into what looks like the deepest snowbank and dig like your life depended on it. <em>It did, it did depend on it. Why was he so fucken stupid? Jumping off a cliff, god damn you Curtis, if you leave me alone here… </em>Your wheezing, completely unaware he had come up behind you, and in true Curtis fashion, he grasped your hips and swung you around. Shocked, your looking up at those familiar blue eyes, adrenaline had blown his pupils wide with the rush, and he to is panting, clumps of ice and snow in his beard and his whole face is red where it had been covered in snow. For seconds your just staring at him, but then, you let him have it. </p><p>Your fist comes against his chest in a rage, bouncing off his pecks, and your just raging at this point. “what the fucken hell Curtis, you could have DIED! You idiot! Died, dead, gone, no more, do you hear me?!” He allowed it for a bit, but then he caught your hands and drew you in as the sobs of fear broke from you, struggling in his hold and grabbing his face, that damn face you love so damn much it hurt, one you were so scared for and mad at and just beyond relieved to have back because you were hurting all over and wanted to sink into his arms and be told that it was gonna be okay, that damn face. You crashed your lips against his, kissing him fiercly and possessively, only breaking apart when the loss of air burned your lungs and your head swam with dizziness. </p><p>“Dont you ever do something like that again! God your such an Idiot, I love you” your forehead leaning against his, and his eyes looked in yours and you could see that he would again without question, and before he could say that, you nip his lip softly to keep him quiet and roam your hands over his chest and pull back. You werent allowed to go to far, as he yanked you back  in, his own hands searching you for anything out of the norm, cupping your face and placing a softer, but no less desired kiss on your lips “I wasnt going to leave you down here baby, I thought Ive lost you endless times over the past few days. I knew I saw you. I had to get down here. Especially with those fuckers coming for you.” </p><p>Your hands slide into his coat, and that familiar warmth starts to seep into your burning cold fingertips and his oversized hands wipe your face dry, kissing across the cheeks and your nose to calm you down, leaning his forehead once more against yours. “You couldnt ask me to leave my girl here and not to to get to you, right?” And with that, your anger dissipates much like the remaining snow crystals in the air that swirl near you, your combined heat melting them away. Relief floods you and you sigh, leaning into him,<em> God I need you so damn much</em>. His arms enclose you and for the first time in days your okay. </p><p>“All of it, they said they were just toying with you the entire time.” You breath out and pull back enough to look at him. “Did you get all the way there? I assumed so once the train derailed.” </p><p>Curtis was going to have to tell her all that happened, and that was the big news about her brother, in that he was dreading. Not that her brother was alive, but what they twisted the man into. He nodded, and decided it would have to be later, once they were safely settled, could he break the news to her then. “Yes, we lost good people…. but they got me to the front, got me to Wilford. Come on, we have to get out of sight. I have a few people up top to cover us.” You didnt inquire anymore at the moment, following along in his footsteps as best as possible, your hand still fisted in his, loathe to let it go. You could easily see he was hurting, the way he took jagged steps. But you woudnt know more till he would really let you look him over No guns had to be fired, and maybe there luck was turning around. </p><p>Johanna had the gun trained on Curtis till You stepped around him and waved your hand that it was okay, and she pulled back. As you two approached, Curtis climbed inside and held out his hand, greeting her with a thanks. “Damn glad Y/N had you with her Johanna.” She nodded her your welcome and turned to you. </p><p>“If your planning on moving anyone, theres a couple who are beat up pretty bad. Your friend Sara is definitely suffering from blood loss, and we got to relocate a few shoulders.” Hearing the women discuss the injuries, Curtis was relieved it wasnt anything worst. But as he caught sight of the survivors, he knew why. There must be more casualties then survivors. They were a weary bunch, the kids all huddled together, sleeping or whispering to themselves, adults wandering back and forth unable to relax, some leaning back against the wall, holding there arm or shoulder from where it came out of joint in the fall. “Has anyone been able to go through the cars?” Curtis asked as you came up beside him. </p><p>“No, once we landed, I got the kids to gather supplies, and then the guards tried to collect us. We bolted right out and headed to the cliff face. Others followed us. Paul told me that his cart had usable food in it and thats as far as we’ve been able to plan ahead.“ John came up to join them, listening in and introducing himself to Curtis.</p><p>"Probably would have either went into the other cars today, see if anyone survived the night or tried to find a way up. These are all the back end cars…. Short of the protein blocks, no other usable supplies. Old threadbare blankets, maybe some clothing.” John mentioned, leaving Curtis nodding in agreement. He was right, all the usable supplies were in the front, they went through several freezer carts of beef and chicken, a garden cart, a bit of live stock in another, even an oversized tank that might still have usable food in it, he was sure once the train derailed any heating system went off, and it might all be frozen solid. And then not even mentioning supplies such as medicine and other goods. As Wilford mentioned before, it was an entire enclosed ecosystem. One that Curtis ripped wide open now.</p><p>“There's a group up there waiting for us… The last of the tail-enders and a few others, the simple fact is we gotta move everyone up. Safer for us to be in a group then spread out, especially with Wilford's old buddies.” Curtis said that last part sarcastically, and you glanced at Curtis. </p><p>“Well, we cant climb up the way you came down, especially with people like Sara. Someones got to find a trail if there are any” </p><p>So it was decided a couple would go look along the cliff face, see if there was a reasonable way up, John volunteered along with another man. They bundled up as best they could, blankets draped over there shoulders and they warily started along the trail you and Curtis made earlier. Now onto the next issue, You knew you should have taken care of the out of joint patients, more things like clothing was needed, some of these people were shivering with blue lips and fingertips. Fuck what a disaster. All of it. A hand came to your back and Curtis slipped up behind you as you watched the two men continue down your trail. You leaned back into his chest and closed your eyes for a minute. Letting everything just go still inside you, just having him back eased you a bit. </p><p>“We will be okay babygirl, get them all up and continue on our way.” His fingers brushed aside your hair laying against your neck and he dipped his head to kiss the curve, his lips soft brushes along the length. You enjoyed the sensation for a few moments, familiar and warming. But then enclosed when his hand moved to settle on your stomach and hold you in close, your breathing hitches. <em>Why? What's wrong? </em>And you fight out of the haze clouding your mind, and pushing his hand back and away, turning to face Curtis. “We probably better get to those patients. Help me with them?” You brush past him and head into the back, frowning at yourself for how you just reacted, knowing exactly what it was, but admitting it was an entirely different story.</p><p>Curtis was surprised when you pulled away, about to stop you and ask what that was, but it had been hell for the past few days, so it would be understandable if you weren't yourself. Following along with you, you were talking to Sara, who Curtis vaguely recognized from the back end. Lifting the rag she had used to keep pressed against her shoulder. “I'm sorry I didn't get this out sooner Sara, but I got to now.” <em>Another mistake</em>, you think to yourself. There is a bit of redness and streaks blooming around it. <em>Fuck why didn't you take care of this last night</em>? With the way she was shot, you were sure there might be more than just a slug embedded in there. “Come on, lets go in the light.” You two go forward and as you pass Curtis, you encourage her to continue where Johanna was perched in the doorway, watching. </p><p>“Curtis we definitely need more clothing, something for at least the kids to wrap up in. They will freeze with what they have now out there.” You almost reach out to touch him, then pull back, stuffing your hands in your sleeves instead. </p><p>“Yup, we will get it. Work on Sara and the others, we will be back soon.” He didn't push to touch you or share affection, but you tugged him back and placed a speedily kiss on his lips last minute. An ‘im sorry’ for earlier for yourself, he flashed you look that spoke volumes, then spun away and his voice boomed “Listen up, you… you… and you were gonna be hitting up some of these cars… you….” Walking away, you felt more in control now, hearing him take control and having a plan in place. Sara was sitting with Johanna, looking exhausted, but holding a conversation. </p><p>Withdrawing the knife you used earlier, you have Sara sit in the light, Johanna lowers back to her earlier spot, the rifle hanging out the door to keep watch. Bringing her shirt down enough to take a look at the wound, you sigh. “Like with Mickey, this is gonna hurt like a bitch. And I gotta make sure nothing is left in there.” Sara nodded and once more you dug for the bullet. Sara hunched a bit and did her best to stay still, a gasp escaping once in a while, but overall when she slouched forward into Johanna, you knew she passed out. <em>Good, make this easier. </em></p><p>“Sorry, let me just finish this and we can move her” You state and Johanna nods, moving to cradle the woman while you hear a plink! to the bullet falling out, and a few more pokes and prods, the blood seeping down, hesitant but hopeful that will finish cleaning the wound. “Okay, think shes good.” You use the rag she was earlier to put pressure on it and once it seemed to stop bleeding so much, you two move her, already Sara was stirring much to your satisfaction. “Just hang out here a bit, m’kay?” A nod and wince as she puts the rag back to be sure it wouldnt start bleeding. </p><p>Then you went through the rest, relocating joints, checking nicks and cuts. A few people you found out had busted ribs, one had a arm that should be put in a splint, but there simply was no way to do so. “Just… keep it close to your body and dont move it. It will heal, in time.” Putting together a make shift sling with a shirt someone volunteered. Just as you were finishing up, Curtis and a few others returned, arms bundled in clothing, and as you two dispersed them among people, and bundling the kids up, you quietly ask him. </p><p>“Was there alot…. of people… ?” </p><p>“Yea baby, more then I thought there would be. Some of them, its hard to tell if it was before or after the crash.” He passed off a jacket to someone and looked at you. “Then there were others that just…. Its a lot.” </p><p>You didnt push him, ask where he was going with that sentence, you had an idea of what it meant, and you didnt even want to have him have to explain his choice. People dont always survive. </p><p>He continued, handing off the last item, and turning to you. “We only went through a few, but we cant wait any longer. And I found where those guards were hanging out, They have been collecting supplies in the further cars, as much as could be had” </p><p>You swallow a bit, and keep yourself busy with the thought of them. “Where are they now?” </p><p>“I dont know, they wandered away from the cars at some point. Im assuming they didnt have a aim on them up above and they werent coming back around to us.” Curtis shook his head as they started getting people up, moving them forward. “But if they do… “ Curtis rumbled softly under his breath. You pause and rest your hand against his back, inside dreading the coming conversation. He was already so on edge to them being out there. Johanna called then to you two, and John ducked back inside. “Well we found what looks like an animal trail. Goes right up along the side, and looks like its well used. Do you think… theres really something alive out there?” </p><p>A shrug and nod from you “Were still alive, right? We can only guess as to what survived after the freeze.” </p><p>It was painfully slow, John and Adam, as you come to find out what the other mans name was, led the group, you stayed with the kids, and helped Sara as much as she was able to stand, behind you were more of the adults, including Curtis and Johanna who were making sure no one fell behind. When you finally crested the top, you stepped off to the side, huffing with exertion, the people who had remained at the top cars were helping others inside or near some fires they all were able to start, clearly they had been busy while you all were coming up out of the valley. Curtis came up beside you, a groan of his own as his hand pressed against his left side. “Lets get inside babes, then we can take a break. We all need one.” </p><p>Sara was collected and helped to where the other people were recovering, and Tam rushed up to the two of you once you entered the car “Hey, I got the kids, Edgar is sitting up already, and his back is looking much better.” You look confused for a moment, and Curtis shakes his head at you. “I will explain later. Thanks Tam, if everyones set, were going to go settle in somewhere for the night.” Assured that everything would be handled, Curtis led you away, these were similar to the tail end car, just with windows. Curtis was quick to find you two a empty bottom bunk. You crawled in first, and leaned against the wall, your head tipping back. <em>Fuck you were so tired,</em> and he semi collapsed next to you in a similar fashion. </p><p>You turn just your head to look at him, and smile when you see hes doing the same thing. There hadnt been any chance to really just be with one another since reuniting and you reach your hand out, weaving your fingers with his. “Hey…. Thank you for keeping your promise and coming back to me.” </p><p>He sat up a bit more and let go of your hand, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in close, placing a kiss to your forehead, whispering. “Im sorry for leaving you like that babygirl. All I could think of was keeping you safe.” You put your hand against his mouth. </p><p>“Handsome its fine, I know why you did it. Tell me what happened.” You inquired, and Curtis fell into how he pushed the group through each car, the ones they found that was possible to find supplies and food in for them, how the bridge claimed so many of them, one of whom he thought was Edgar, but that wasnt the case. How Nam wanted to blow open the side, jump from the train when he wouldnt open that final door, and this is where he stalled. He had to tell her. All of it. Her brother, his arm… he managed to keep it hidden this whole time, the pain a background noise at this point. </p><p>“Babygirl come here, I just… need to hold you. I really thought I lost you.” He hauled you into his lap, and you tensed up momentarily when his arm circled around you, rubbing your lower back and side. But this was Curtis, you were safe. Under his hand you finally relaxed, and your head rested on his shoulder, he started in on the next part of his story. The rumble of his chest lulled you, while you listened. Wilford offered a deal, and Curtis admitted that he considered it. You lifted your head and looked at him. “You wouldnt have been able to live with yourself” He nodded, and leaned forward to kiss your lips softly. “Your right, I would have become everything I hated. Baby, this next part, you got to listen to me. Okay? the whole part before any questions.” </p><p>“Curtis what is it?” Your brow furrows with concern at his words. </p><p>“Matt, your brother… Hes alive, and he still is. I left him back at the front.” </p><p>Your silent for a moment, and he could see your mind racing, processing his words. </p><p>“Hes still alive… Matts still here.” And the joy that crossed your face broke Curtis heart because fuck he was going to have to tell you just how far gone he was, that there wasnt the compassionate little boy anymore. But a man with cold resolve and placed himself above the others, for he was the prodigy.  </p><p>“Baby, he isnt who you think he is, not anymore.” Curtis hands captured your face to make you pay attention to him. “Wilford trained him to be his successor, brainwashed. He has no compassion for any of the people, were something to control.”</p><p>“What? No Curtis, he loved us, He wouldnt forget, unless he thinks I let him go.” Your thoughts are spinning out of control, just what Curtis didnt want. You pull back from him then “He cant be that bad, I mean, Once I explain all that was going on, he will see.” A saddened look crossed Curtis face, reaching out to draw you back to him. </p><p>“Baby we can try… but they were using our kids to run the train, put them right into the engine, and afterwards… Executed if they served no more purpose. Under his order, he was set on killing Yona, Nam and I if I didnt agree to there terms.” He couldnt even bring up the way your brother talked about you, the callousness of his words in discussing you, whom loved him more then yourself. </p><p>“No… he wouldnt have been okay with it.” Your breathing grows more rapid and Curtis rubs your arms to comfort you. </p><p>“I know baby, Im sorry… “ He was doing everything he could to calm you, but it was only setting you off worst. Again you pulled away from him, drawing your legs up and hugging around your knees, <em>what are you not telling him? The only time you pulled away was the weeks after Matt was taken and you withdrew into yourself.</em> “Y/N? Talk to me please?” He wants to reach for you, but you’ve just drawn yourself off, quiet as you stare ahead. </p><p><em>Matt wouldnt, Curtis must have misunderstood what happened. He did what he had to to survive</em>, the conclusions you drew. “You said hes still alive? You had to leave him behind, is he safe?” </p><p>His hand dropped to his lap, studying you even as you waited for an answer. “He was safe when I left him and Claude. I was told you went over a damn cliff, I honestly had no other concerns.” His tone slightly clipped, and you can see where hes holding it together under a great strain. You unfold yourself, and return into his hold, feeling him once more relax being able to rest his hand on you. </p><p>“They had Timmy, in the engine. Whatever they did to him, he was so unhuman acting. Robotic, he wouldnt come out once Nam and I secured the room.” He shifted you and this is the first time you see the tangled mess of his arm when he slid his sleeve up, deep laceration that have scabbed over criss crossing where the gears tore in, but they were still great tears, all of it swollen, and throbbing looking. “Fucken hell Curtis” You cuss as you finish rolling his sleeve up to look at it. “Youve been like this the whole time? Baby you need medicine in case of infection.” So tenderly you inspected it, you seemed more like yourself now, your mind distracted. </p><p>Curtis remained still as you went to roll the sleeve back down, and was gnawing on your bottom lip. “God damn handsome, im so sorry.” Your hands went to his face, feeling for any kind of fever, and giving a small smile when he turned into your palm and nipped the center, kissing your fingertips before letting his head once more fall back against the wall. “You seem to not be fighting off an infection though. But I will feel better once we can secure some stuff from the medic car.” You shift to his other side so you dont risk touching his arm, rubbing your hand along the back of his neck. For now you both go quiet, just being together. This time his hand slides along the inside of your thigh, just resting warmly there. You can feel yourself drifting off, and finally he says softly. </p><p>“We should get some sleep” He shifted off the wall, and laid down for the first time in days, waiting with a lifted arm for you to do as you always do, curl in against his chest. Which you did, you always did, and stretching out, scooting over till his arm rested over your hip, he tugged you in the rest of the way. His body is hard against your back, and his beard scratches lightly behind your neck as he placed kisses there. Nothing sexual, just a bit of intimacy after such a long time apart. You cant help but tense up, which he notices when you dont sink into him, how your breathing doesnt soften after a few minutes, and he wants to ask you, make you spill whatever it is your holding inside. But he doesnt, he just stays by your side, his hand moving to slide under your shirts and gently let it rest against the softness of your stomach. Wide awake until finally he hears you release a soft snore, a true testament to your exhaustion. </p><p>You laid there, your fingers curled into the ticking of the blanket your laying on, your heart a quick flash patter, <em>escape escape escap</em>e<em>, this was fucking CURTIS.</em> How could you feel that hot heat of panic flushing your body or that your throat was squeezing air through a straw. You waited, waited for him to tighten his arm around you as he usually did or sprawl you across his chest when he rolled to his back, but he stayed still behind you, and the tension between you two just built.<em> I should tell him, but how can I?</em> For whatever reason, it shamed you that you couldnt fight them off. Finally his fingers just splayed against your stomach where he worked his hand under your shirts and loosely held you. After a while, you couldnt help it anymore, falling asleep. Fuck those men for doing this to you. </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Tell Me, Please?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tensions are still there between you two, but Curtis demands an answer. Your group collects the last bit of supplies and makes it towards the front, only to be confronted at the end. Trauma, Some Violence.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Curtis watched you sleep, in sleep you relaxed yourself from whatever plagued you, during the night having pulled in half sprawled across his very sore ribs, and laid your head in the center. The rise and fall of your shoulders so slight that he would have to really be studying them to see that yes, you were still asleep. You faced away from him, but you sighed softly and shifted yourself, tilting yourself closer, his eyes able to rove over the curve of your nose, and how your lips have chapped slightly. The dark bruises under your eye, at first it would see to have been tiredness, but much to the anger he was feeling coil in his gut, someone must have hit you hard at some point the past few days. His eyes continued to rove, noticing other scrapes, and bruises along your scalp line.  <em>Would you tell him though?</em> Further he noticed that there was a cut in the corner of your mouth and without a thought, his fingers brushed along the mark, hissing to himself when your eyes shot open, unfocused and a touch of fear clouding them. In all the years you two have known each other, you never looked at him like that, and it phased him more then you could know. </p><p>You were fallen in one of those dreamless deep sleeps, the kind where your cocooned in darkness and nothing is drawing you forward into images. Blackness, soothing blackness. There was no visual moments where you had to think and rationalize. It was peaceful. Things merely ceased to exist. </p><p>A touch brought you back, so light but the sting it left near your lips brought it back and you tensed, ready to yank away when your eyes opened, prepared for the worst, that sneering grin reaching for you in your safe place, ready to drag you out and put vile pain all over your body. <em>No, we escaped, we got out.</em></p><p>Curtis face sharpened second later in your view, and you softened, loosening your grasp in his jacket where you had fisted your hands to keep from being pulled away.<em> See Y/N, your safe. This is home.</em> Curtis hand slid from your mouth to brush aside the soft hairs curling over your cheek, and you dragged in a deep breath, and released it, feeling your chest expand and his steady heart beating underneath your cheek kept you grounded. “Bad dream?” Curtis asked after a few seconds of the two of you just staying silent. You quirk the corner of your mouth a bit “Nothing serious Curtis.” Your hand smoothed over his chest and you realzined where you were laying. “Shit sorry baby, your ribs.” Going to move his hand clasped on the back of your neck to keep you from moving. </p><p>“Dont, they are fine. Tell me about what you were dreaming about?” Hoping she would relax enough just the two of them to talk about what you were thinking about. His grasp turned lighter now that you werent moving, sliding his thumb over the column, and you slightly relaxed once more, biting your already chapped lips and wincing slightly at the sting. </p><p>“Yea, I saw you favoring your side Curtis” You informed him, but you didnt move. Honestly after the past few days, you were just fucking thankful you got to do this again. “And nothing, hell I think I was so damn tired, it wasnt sleep. Somewhere just before a coma.” You rub your face lightly against his chest and sigh. “I could slip back into it right now if we didnt have to prepare to move to the front.” His thumb continued to feather along your neck, circling over the bruises of fingertips that had pressed down to hard. Faint, but Curtis saw them better now that your hair wasnt covering them. </p><p>“What happened Y/N?” his brows coming together and lifting the heaviness of your hair back from your neck. You then pulled away and straightened your hair back over your neck. He shifted to half sit up on his elbows. “Y/N, you gotta tell me who put hands on you?-” His inquiry got interrupted when your name got called, and you took the moment to avoid Curtis questions, calling back out. “In here!” Tugging on your jacket and looking at Curtis “We will talk about it later baby, promise.” His hand moved against your arm to keep you with him, but you slipped out of his hold. Leaving him there with more questions and no answers. His lips thinned tightly and his jaw clenched, a dark suspicion inkling its way into his thoughts. </p><p><em>All of those fuckers are dead.</em> His thoughts snapped as he snatched his jacket, trying to keep from blowing over.<em> Im going to hunt every single on of them down. </em>  It was the last thing you needed was him loosing his temper, but that didnt stop the rage building in his chest, or the guilt. <em>Why didnt I leave them with protection? Gone back, brought them weapons…</em> Hearing your footsteps descend away, Curtis knew that you were heading towards the wounded. Grasping his beanie, and leaving the warmth and comfort of the momentary home, and slipped it on. Now that it was day, he could see just how far the group had been able to do. They had gone through several cars and hauled out anything decent. Catching a glimpse of you leaning down to check Saras shoulder, you also caught sight of Edgar sitting up, and a box next to him, stuffing something into his mouth. </p><p>“Is that… crackers?” Curtis asked as Edgar held his arm out to grasp and get up. With some effort, Edgar managed to get to a stand, hauling the beat up cracker box with him. “Yea, they found a bit of this kind of stuff a few cars up. Dried goods, flour, sugar, cans.” He held out the box for Curtis to reach his hand into and withdrew a few crackers that he took a bite of. It was stale as fuck, salty, and just about one of the best things he can remember ever having. </p><p>“Yes, I remember passing through right after the water, supplies Im assuming for the rest of the train. There was a few more similar closer to thre front as well” Curtis mentioned, and Edgar nodded over to where a pile of food had been made, along with clothing and blankets. “Im sure the front survivors have already raided some of those others.” Maybe they will be okay until were able to figure out a more permanent solution. “Hows your back?” Curtis turned his attention away from the supplies, and Edgar turned, lifting his shirt enough so Curtis could see. The length of the actual stab looked to be a good three inches long, red all around. Although burned from where the ax blade had laid across it, it was sealed. You came on over just then and ducked around Curtis, getting in for a closer look. </p><p>“Thank God they got it sealed” You breathed out and tugged on Edgars shirt to have him put it back down, when he turned to face you, you drew in close and hugged around his neck. “You punk, I told you to be careful” Curtis cast a downward glance, regret and guilt passing and Edgar shook his head lightly <em>Dont…</em> You never saw the exchange pass between the two men. “Yea well, when I ever bloody listen anyways?” Edgar withdrew and smirked at you, causing you to scowl at him. </p><p>“Well Im back now, so your gonna.” You point a finger at him, and then smooth your hand against his arm in a loving gesture. </p><p>“Are the people able to travel? Or do they still need some recovery time?” Curtis changing the subject from Edgar, his hand rested against your waist, and it felt heavy to you, like he wasnt ready to let you go, that you were actually with him. <em>He must have really believed he wouldnt see me again. </em></p><p>“If we go slow, Im sure we can. Everyones so exhausted though, another day might not hurt anyone.” You tip your head towards Edgar and he immediately rebutes it although you ignore him. “Sara, shes bad off. Its inflamed and im worried I might not have gotten everything out. It was hard to tell…” You drifted off as Curtis took a glance at the woman you were talking about. Seeing her huddled against the wall, head tipped forward. “She says she can travel, but she will need to stop alot.”</p><p> That confirmed it for Curtis, he shook his head. “Then we stay, one more day.” </p><p>The rest of the time was spent sorting through supplies, packing it in a way it could be carried. Outside fires were kept stroked and burning, using debris off the train, and someone found large hollowed metal bins that with some scrubbing could work to melt snow in. The idea of being able to wash up appealed to you, and once you were sure the others waters needs were met hours later, you worked on warming up a pot for yourself. One of the cars towards the back had side rooms available for actual privacy, and you planned on taking full advantage. </p><p>You didnt need much and using a blanket to handle the hot container, you hauled your bit of hot water through the car to the end, slipping inside. Of course Curtis noticed from where he had been helping to pack up the dried goods in blankets to easier carry them, and he turned to Edgar “Get as much packed as possible, if we have to we will come back for the rest.”  </p><p>“Yea, sure… where you going?” He asked as Curtis moved away from the group, calling over his shoulder. </p><p>“Got someone to take care of” Edgar just shrugged and went back to what he was doing. </p><p>You were in the process of undressing, when a soft knock happened on the door. Squeaking in alarm, you say loudly so there was no denying that whomever heard you. “Occupied!” </p><p>“I know, I'm coming in.” Curtis said as he opened the door and you withdrew from sight, looking to grab your shirt and cover yourself. </p><p>“Curtis! I'm busy” In which he just arched a brow and shut the door behind him, okay lame on your part, not much was kept hidden in the tail end and you've never been super shy before with him. Your fingers played in the shirt, looking down and away from where he stood. It was thankfully darkish in the room, you felt better being somewhat hidden, not wanting that question you know was coming. </p><p>Just seeing you react, he knew. He could see it all over your face that you were dealing with a heavy mix of emotions, but the one he saw the most was shame, and he couldn't for the life of him understand why. How he wanted to go and wrap you in against him, take away all of those memories and protect you better, <em>I should have… fuck why didn't I leave people behind?</em> “Y/N, Baby, I know something happened. Please tell me. You were scared this morning, and you've been avoiding me. I-” he sighed and took a cautionary step closer, and could see the glimmer of tears streaking down your face. “- just got you back. I can't lose you again, especially like this.” His voice lowered, gruffer, you could tell he was trying to keep himself in check. </p><p>Standing there, trying not to let him see you, how you wish you could shrink away into the wall. You tried so hard to fight back and just weren't strong enough, <em>spit it out </em>you scolded yourself, but you stayed silent, lifting your face to look at him and dropped your shirt. Curtis took an audible gasp at the bruising that littered your body, your pale skin dark and yellowed with discernible finger and handprints. Covering your face in your shame. “Oh god, I'm sorry Curtis, I tried to stop them.” </p><p><em>What?!</em> <em> Oh babygirl, no…</em>.He stepped forward and wrapped his hands gently around your wrists and pulled them away. “Babygirl sshhh…. I'm not mad at you.” You blinked up at him with that wide-eyed stare of yours and then pushed in against him, sobbing into his chest and he lowered the two of you to the floor, careful to keep you in his lap, and rocking you softly. The pain blossomed in his chest at what you were saying, the way your whole body sobbed into his, and he let you. Nothing but the soft swaying motion, like one would do for a child, and his chin rested atop your head as it was buried in against him. There were no words he could say at this moment to make it better, you had to be able to simply cry it out until you were ready to tell him what happened. But even now, he could see the bruises down your back.<em> When I get my hands on them, all those fuckers are going to pay. </em>Oh it wasnt an If, Curtis was all about When. He wouldnt stop till he had his hands on their throats, squeezing the last breath from there lungs.</p><p>You finally fell silent in his arms, an occasional body rocking hiccup stirring from you, but that was all you had. His hand came up to your face and gently brushed aside the hair that had gotten stuck to your face from the tears, looking down at you with a soft expression. “sorry” you hiccup out and it seems to be the only thing you can think to say. </p><p>“Babygirl, they are the ones who will be sorry.” he shifted you a bit so you werent so folded up, letting his hand rest against your knee and his thumb sweeping over it gently. “The fact they touched you will make them regret everything they have done in life. Im going to see to it personally.” You gulped a bit listening to him, the promise in his face, the rage simmering in his eyes, it was all there. You were just thankful it wasnt directed at you, cause even now it was scaring you. And in the same breath, it blossomed a warm raging happiness in your chest, spiraling in a way that made you shake slightly. They would hurt to, not just for what they did to you, but you were sure that others suffered a similar fate that day.</p><p>He leaned forward and dipped his fingers into the water, finding it still warm. “How about we clean you up Babygirl? and then go get you something to eat. I know you havent had anything today.” You slowly unfold yourself from around him and Curtis takes the rag, dipping it in the water and wringing it out. He holds his hand out for you to take it, but you turn instead your back to him, reaching behind you to gather your hair and lift it off your neck. You trusted him, you knew his touch would be gentle and caring along your bruises, and it was an intimacy you desired to share with him. Dipping your head when you felt the cloth brush over your shoulder, sure enough he was gentle as it went down your back and over your hip, continuing downwards, he squatted down to do the back of her thighs and calves. “Face me Y/N” he said, giving the softest brush of a kiss against a tender looking spot on your hip. You twisted to face him as he rose up to start from your shoulders and down again. </p><p>The riddled marks on your body, now fully seeing what you had been through destroyed a sane part of Curtis, he never wanted to kill anyone more then these men, not even Wilford for all the evilness he had done. There was just a few on your back, careful as he traced over them.<em> You must have fallen from up high, or they took a boot to you. </em>Having you turn for him, he make his way down in a similar fashion. The worst bruises seemed to be on your hips and inside of your thighs, and to see them in such an intimate spot. It was his spot to rest his hands whenever he held you, not anyone elses, and it hurt him that you had to bare such marks. They actually made him growl softly and he was caught by surprise when you cupped his face, running your fingers through his beard. <em>Focus Curtis…</em> He chided himself as he continued with your legs and then swept up the inside of your calves and thighs, this time placing a soft kiss on your belly button and back up to a stand. </p><p>This time when he offered you the rag you took it, to finish up, and you thought about what had transpired. Now Curtis had seen all of what they had done, and getting dressed again, you thought about what he had seen and his reaction.<em> It was foolish for me to think he would be mad at me.</em> Sometimes there's no rational reason for your reactions. He remained silent as he handed you clothing, slipping them on a piece at a time. Grasping your coat, he held it up for you and you backed into it, sliding your arms in one at a time. Before you could start to button it up, he turned you back to face him, doing the buttons himself, smiling softly. “You always have a hard time with this babygirl” </p><p>“I know, you would think after all this time I wouldn't need  your help doing them up.” You chuckled softly at them, all different mismatched sizes, not quite placed right. You could patch a person up, but damned if you could sew decently. </p><p>“Well, let me tell you babygirl, I'm glad you still need me to do this.” He finished up the last one, and lifted his hand up to cup your face, cradling it in both hands, his thumbs brushing along the softness of your cheeks, the soft downy hairs brushing under the pad of his thumb. Your hands folded over his wrists while looking up at him. “Y/N, nothing, certainly not this changes anything between us. So whatever you think would drive me away, its not going to happen.” He wouldn't break his eyes from yours, needing you to know just how serious he was. </p><p>“I know… I- I panicked. I felt that what happened, I should have stopped it.” You admitted, and took a deep breath, ragged from earlier, but no tears sprang forth talking about it. Curtis had been correct in you needing that release, a cleanse. Maybe now this was the beginning of coming to terms with it. Keeping his darker thoughts to himself that throbbed in his temples, as you gave a brief description of what happened, this would be a trial and error for you two, Curtis not wanting to push you in a way you weren't ready, and you craving the exact same vibe you two had before. It would take time, to heal. <em>Curtis isn't going anywhere…. </em></p><p>Leading you out of the room, he carried the water, and you followed along behind, your hand fisting in the loose part of his jacket. You lighten considerably he noticed once you joined the group, immediately falling back into old habits of stopping and chatting with groups, looking over those you considered your patients, and falling right back into playing with the kids for the rest of the evening, you even made an effort to eat a can of beans that Curtis pried open for you, sharing with the kids you went to hang out with. There wasn't much difference in how you were as from before, and he gave you your freedom, sticking nearby with Edgar, first finishing there earlier project, then Curtis finished his tale of what had happened. </p><p>“You mean Matt is actually still alive?!” Edgar remembered the boy well, back then. Looked up to him, almost like a brother. Curtis nodded. </p><p>“Yes, and dumbass me left them tied up in the engine. Im sure they have been released now. I tried telling Y/N what hes like… hes dangerous. If he comes around her, I dont know… watch him extra close. She wouldn’t forgive me if I hurt him.” A glance over to you showed you laughing while playing itsy bitsy spider with one of the smaller children, cuddling them in your lap while you twisted your fingers to go up the pole, and then sprinkle your fingers down to tickle the youngin’ on the neck. </p><p>“Curtis, maybe it wont come to something like that, Y/N is a pretty good judge of people… I'm sure she will see how twisted he is.” </p><p>Curtis shrugged, he hoped so. But this was her brother, she loved this kid more than anyone else on the train, and he almost lost her then. If she gets her heart broken again, forcing her to give a damn might not be so easy. Making her choose between Matt and Himself, he didn't want to put her in that spot, maybe a bit of fear stabbing at the back of his unconscious, <em>would she pick him if she was forced between them?</em>  “We will see probably tomorrow afternoon. I want to get us out of here and back to the front before they decide they don't need us, and have basically the majority of the supplies once more. They were not equipped enough to survive out there and eventually were going to have to move away from the train for food. Most of the cars up there are still upright and can be used for shelter.” </p><p>You looked up to see Curtis and Edgar deep in a discussion, and you untangle yourself from the kids. “Bedtime for all of us. Tomorrow we're going to the front.” </p><p>“The front?!”</p><p>“For reals this time” </p><p>“wonder what it's like?”</p><p>“I don't know” You shrug “We just gotta wait and see tomorrow, now off to bed.” You shooed them away to a nest of blankets they made for themselves, and wandered over to Curtis. “I'm heading off to sleep, see you all in the morning.” You waved off to the group. Curtis gave you a few minutes to get yourself ready and then excused himself as well. </p><p>When he got there you were already curled under the blankets, just a soft pile of your hair showing above the blankets. He shredded out of the majority of his clothing and slipped in beside you, thinking you were already asleep, but surprising him as you flipped to her other side, staring at him in the dark. </p><p>“I love you, thank you for coming back for me.” </p><p>“I will always come back for you, I love you too babygirl.” Curtis declared, and you moved over closer and lifted his arm to go around you, your head resting on his shoulder, and your hand slid under his shirt and rubbed your hands across the all familiar soft hairs and broad muscles of his chest, settling over where you could feel that familiar thump of life. This was familiar, comforting, and relaxed into this. The past 36 hours was your hell, and this was your salvation. You actually fell asleep and this time you dreamed, not of what happened, but what was to come. </p><p>The next morning proved to be busy chaos. After taking a few moments to wake up, Curtis was never one to just roll up and go unless necessary, usually proving him to be rougher around the edges, well more so than usual with the upcoming unknown going back to the front now with the tail-enders. “Get up, time to get a move on.” he rumbled, the toe of his boot nudging people as he passed through the group, Edgar grumbling and flipping him off as he too got a toe to the leg and a “Get the fuck up, we don't got all day.” </p><p>You rubbed your eyes and snorted in laughter at the grumblings you heard through the crowd, although they complied. You helped handoff sacks of food that they all packed in blankets the day before and you went to your patients, checking them over right quick. The only person you were really concerned about was Sara. If anything she looked paler then the day before. But her wound was still firey red. Biting the inside of your cheek, you smiled, and helped her up. “Don't hesitate to ask for help, I won't be far off” You stress to her till Sara gives a nod and Johanna wraps an arm around her. “Don't worry, we got her.” </p><p>
  <em>Maybe it will all be okay. </em>
</p><p>The group filed out, Curtis again taking up the rear, watching for any sign of the aggressors from the day before, he had skimmed over the cliff edge, and checked out the path back up, but found no signs. <em>Maybe the fuckers are gone….</em> He wistfully considered, as he trudged along behind, holding a rifle over his shoulder and in his hands, a heavy ax was kept close. In any hand to hand fight, he would rather have the axe on hand instead of the rifle. You made your way back through the crowd and fell in step with him, looking over your shoulder, it seemed like the train was an endless line of cars. You all must be getting close.</p><p>“There's so many to sort through still.” Talking about the cars, Curtis grunted in agreement, glancing down at you. “Well I wouldn't bother with any holding people, all the stuff we need is in those storage ones. Im just hoping the front end had the sense to get into the livestock cars and save anything that survived.” You blinked a bit in surprise, you never actually thought there would be any kind of livestock on the train, the front end having stopped giving the boiled eggs a few years ago. </p><p>“Like… chickens and such?”</p><p>“Chickens, pigs, some beef cows, couple of those your supposed to milk and all. Yes, had them all. Plus at least 2 cars filled with frozen butchered meat, a large greenhouse cart. The front end didn't have our struggles, that is for damn sure.” </p><p><em>Fuck when was the last time you had a roasted chicken? Steak? </em>Your mouth literally watered at the idea of it. </p><p>“No, they certainly didn't.”</p><p>A few moments of silence between them, the occasional brush of shoulders as Curtis shortened his stride matching your, the change in it made you hide a smile, looking down. You were sure he didn't intend on you to notice and it just resolved in you what you already knew about him. <em>He would always look out for you.</em> Your shared silence was interrupted by a shout as the group started to bunch up and come to a halt. “Curtis Everett to the front, I know you're leading this mess.”</p><p> Curtis then picked up his pace, you following behind him closely as he weaved through the people milling into a group and coming out in the front. You were about to follow alongside him but Edgar caught the back of your coat, keeping you back slightly and that's when you saw what was before you. </p><p>Heavily armed group of people, waiting and they parted as a man and Claude came through. The smirk on the mans face shined right into his eyes, so fucking cold, and you felt your heart sink in your stomach. It really was Matt, just as Curtis described it. </p><p>“Well we knew you would come back Curtis.” His arms folded over his chest, as he surveyed the people behind Curtis. “And brought your little ragtag mess of people.” Matt turned his attention to those that started to line up around Curtis, assessing the threat before them. “You might as well just join us everyone, there really is no better answer. You may have the numbers, but we have the supplies, and that includes the rifles.” Matt looked up and down his line of people, smug, satisfied, he won. “So you might as well give up, well before this has to turn ugly Curtis, I mean… We are in this mess cause of you after all.” Claude hung on Matts's arm, but he pulled it away and took a step forward till he was standing before Curtis, who glared down at him. “So what do you say tail ender? I clearly won.” </p><p>“Matt!” You yanked your arm from Edgar and snapped up right in his face, inches away, anger rolling off you in steams. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Curtis arm shot out and grabbed you by the arm, pulling you back to him, not trusting Matt to not hurt you physically. You pulled on your arm, but Curtis grasp was iron and unrelenting. “You are our family, how DARE you even speak like that, after all we been through to get up here.” </p><p>“Yea Sister,” He said with such venom in his tone, your mouth snapped shut, jaw clenching in your anger and confusion. “All we been through, you had if just fine in the tail end, but not good enough, sending your man up here to wreck it all, correct?” </p><p>That was the last line when Curtis fist connected with Matt's face, his head snapping back sharply. </p><p>Curtis could tolerate a lot of things, your brother disrespecting you clearly wasn't one of them. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck it all<b>. </b></em>
  
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Finally Free</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matt is finally contained and you have a moment. Curtis taking control of the situation and starting to step into his role as the leader of this new group with the help of Edgar. Maybe some trauma warnings? violence.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
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  <em>Oh Fuck</em>
</p><p>Matt stumbled back and behind Matt the front end lifted there rifles, the audible sound of clicks sounding down the line, but Matt held up his hand to stop them, Claude rushing to his side and he spat out a mouthful of blood, smirking as it smeared across his lips and around his nose. “Enjoy that Curtis, only one your getting.” </p><p>“Well fucker you should watch your mouth. Its your god damn sister your talking to like that.” Curtis spat out, and Matt rolled his eyes at him. Claude handed Matt a cloth, him wiping his face clear and tossing it back to Claude instead of handing it to her. Your eyes narrow at the dick move he just did. <em>That little shit!</em> It was hard for you to accept what your brother had become in the years hes been gone. </p><p>“Fucking hell Curtis, you are so. FUCKING. STUPID.” Matt stressed, shaking his head. “I told Wilford you were a waste of resources when he got it in his head to make you the next Minister of the train. You still think its all about working together, family, friends, blah blah blah. I told you before you can have so much more. We all can have so much more. People had it good on the train.” He looked over his shoulder at the group supporting him. “Wanna know why? Cause they fucking listen and know whos in charge. Took care of them. Now… enough of this shit.” He looked past Curtis at the large group standing behind him, the last of the end of the train. They took the worst of it, but there was still more then the people supporting Matt. Ultimately they were survivors. </p><p>“So heres my deal, join me or die.” Matt grinned, rolling a shoulder up in a sorry. “Those we dont kill will be banished to go out onto the snow and ice alone. So who wants to stand a chance at least?” He looked so cocky standing there that if infuriated you, after all of it, all the years of pain and guilt you felt, it all bubbled up to escape in a ear shattering scream. The sound piercing like a siren, jarring Curtis next to you in shock and Matt took a step back towards Claude. The only one who had frame of mind to take advantage of the momentairy confusion was Edgar, giving off a war cry of his own and it just surged them all forward. Curtis himself was pushed forward and loosing his hold on you. There was a clash of metal on metal, those that carried axes smashing against rifles,people screaming, guns firing. </p><p>Curtis pushed through the people but couldnt see a sign of you, feeling himself being tackled, he swung the axe he carried behind him and felt the thud of it sinking in a body, jerking it loose, he swung the gun he did have off his shoulder, and looked to find Johanna. She had the sniper skills to use this thing that he simply didnt. Quickly looking around, he spotted her not to far away. Currently Johanna was unarmed, using some trained skills she possessed, <em>fuck she fights like Grey,</em> slamming her hand against the mans nose to whip his head back, covering her in blood. In another barely to be seen move, her hand slams against the windpipe and he goes down, gasping, trying to drag air through what Curtis now assumes is crushed. “Jo! Heads up!” </p><p>Giving a toss, Johanna reached up and grabbed it, checking to see if there was ammo in it. She glanced at Curtis who pointed to the top of the train car. She gave a understanding nod and scrambled for the train, dodging people and launching herself up a ladder. <em>Higher ground, good girl.</em> Curtis thought as he hefted his ax and went into the mess of it, still looking for you as he repeatedly hacked at those around him. “Y/N!” He roared while pushing through, <em>where the hell were you, Y/N?</em> Edgar came up beside him, both men panting from the exertion, Edgar still healing from his last ax fight, and Curtis had busted ribs and a half mangled arm. “You seen Y/N?” Curtis focus at this point is locating you, and he gave a shake of his head. “No man, I thought she was with you!” </p><p>How you got seperated from Curtis you didnt know, one moment your senses were swarming as you couldnt stay focused, the building up screaming from your lungs to dodging clashing axes and firing rifles. You scrambling to find a way out, not having any way to defend yourself when you feel a set of hands grabbing you by the collar of your coat, strands of your hair getting caught and ripping out. “Stop!” you scream as you get slammed against a chest, snarling in your ear “There you are sister dear, his prized bitch.” </p><p>“Matt stop! fucking hell let me go” You try twisting out of his hold, but hes got you tight, Claude following along behind as he drags you with him. “Curtis! CURTIS! COME AND GET HER!” Claude has a rifle pointed right at you, snickering at the sight of you in her crosshairs. “Everybody fucking STOP!” Matt yelled right near your ear, leaving your head throbbing and your hearing buzzing. You try to twist out of his hold again, reaching behind you to try and claw at his hand in the collar of your jacket, but he gave you a whiplashing shake to stop you, kicking the back of your thighs till you went to your knees, “Come get your little cunt whore before Claude decides to get trigger happy again.” </p><p>Curtis and Edgar were scanning the crowd when Edgar saw Matt kick you down, grabbing Curtis coat to get his attention and he whipped around to see where you were, your fighting against it, but Matts got you twisted around, yanking you back and forth, and Edgar grabs Curtis coat to keep him from lunging in someones line of fire. “Fucking let her go!” Curtis rages out. Matts voice screamed over the din, and people pulled away from each other when they saw what was going on, The casulties scattered in the pink red snow all around them, but that wasnt what Curtis was seeing. No, he saw Claude looking right down the barrel at your head. And that alone spurred Curtis into action, covering the distance with long gaited steps, the bloodied ax at his side rolling in a complete circle with a twist of his wrist to test his maneuverability to put force behind his swing, Matt smirked coldly at Curtis, thinking he had gotten the better of him. How wrong he was. </p><p>“Better stop right there, or else I blow her pretty little head off” Matt snickered, and wavered a bit when Curtis didnt slow down. “Shit Claude!, shoot him!” The man suddenly coward, yanked you back to your bottom, dragging you backwards, making you yelp at the sudden sting. Claude swung towards Curtis, who was close enough now to see the promising smirk on his face, that cold steel blue glint of his eyes. Claudes finger started to squeeze the trigger on the man who promised her death in a single look. You started screaming, kicking your heels into the snow and twisting to wrench Matts hold loose. “Curtis! CURTISSS! You fucker, lemmego!” your words are spat out run together, and your shoulder hits your brother in the stomach, making him drop you. And all you can do is see your lover in the aim of fire, and for the second time in days you swear your going to see his head get blown apart. </p><p>Claude never gets the chance to squeeze, a POP and shes jerked backwards into a heap, and your looking around wildly, now sobs escaping you as all your fears are dashed again, looking up, you see Johanna sit up from the top of the train, giving a thumbs up to Curtis, who nods in anowledgment, and turns towards the two of you, your trying to ungtangle yourself to a stand, and Matt is looking over at Claude, in horror. The woman stared up wide eyed, but unseeing. She was dead before she even hit the ground. Matt steps a few steps back, and then bolts as if he had somewhere to go. Curtis doesnt even care anymore, rolling his shoulder and throwing his ax after the fleeing man, your hands come to your mouth in shock, wide eyed following the way its spinning.</p><p>It does nothing more then trip him up, tangling in his legs, and he landed hard on the ice. Two tail enders had bolted after him, jerking him to a stand, and those remaining front enders set down any weapons, and backing away with hands up. Curtis rushes towards you and falls to his knees in front of your, grasping your face in his hands searching you. “God your okay, right? Y/N, tell me your okay.” Your nodding in his hold, shaking. It was all to much, so much, and his arms fold you in close so you can press your face in his chest, sobbing. “Curtis I cant, I cant keep doing this…” he knows, your eyes we’re pleading for it to stop and this was what Curtis had feared, you seeing Matt after all this time. It was just like all those years ago, where you shut down on him..“hey I got you, I got you” He drew you in, whispering it in your ear. No one said a thing, all of the survivors, prisoners remained silent at the couple. Not all of them could understand what was happening, but none would dare defy Curtis in this moment. His hands rubbed you deeply and when you quieted, he lifted you away from his chest to look down, checking you over. “Just a little more, okay babygirl? I really need you with me right now.” </p><p>Your listening, sniffling to yourself, and under his hands you started to calm from your panic attack, his voice was deep and soothing, and selfishly you didnt want it to stop, but you nodded, and he kissed your neck, his voice soft as he spoke against your ear. “Good girl, come on.” And he pulled away, holding his hand out to help you to a stand. A bit shaky, you brush the snow off your pants, and his arm is around you, till hes sure your steady. “Wait here” he rumbles out and heads over to where Claude is laying, his hand reaching to close her eyes and collecting the rifle she had aimed at him, he shouldered it. <em>Let her stay here, the snow and ice could claim her now,</em> his strides long and ground eating the return to you, and tucked you against his side, leading you towards the train. </p><p>The group of remaining tail enders gathered the discarded weapons, and Edgar pulled up alongside Curtis “What do you want us to do with these people?” </p><p>Matt was being trussed up with chains someone had found on the train, he hissed at Curtis and you, fear, anger, hatred all aimed at the two of you. “I swear it, you will pay for what you did to Clau-” a rag firmly stuffed in his mouth, cutting off his words.</p><p>Hard blue eyes stared Matt down till the man glanced away, weakly jerking his shoulders as if to try and escape. Curtis resisted the urge to kick him while he was down, having no sympathy for Matt’s loss. Claude threatened you, she got lucky her death was that quick. His hold tightened slightly around you as the two of you stepped away.</p><p>Curtis looked over the group they just disarmed, most of them looked lost, and unsure of what to really do as they were herded together. Silent You watch them willingly gather together, ready to accept whatever they are told. Your hand tugs on Curtis shirt to get his attention as he to is seeing what you were. “They were only following Matt cause they needed a leader, look at them. They need help.” Your face was still red from earlier, your eyes puffy.<em> Before we take care of them, I need to take care of you. </em>Curtis nodded and pressed his lips against the top of your head. “We will, but not till were sure about them.” </p><p>“Pick a car, and put someone to guard entrances and exits, and him…. “ he gestures towards Matt, whos been dragged along behind them, feeling you tense up next to his side at what his next words would be. “Secure him in one of these rooms alone, I will deal with him later. Everyone else, get them inside, settled in. Kids need to be fed, the sick need a place to recover. I will come find you in a bit.” Edgar nodded, and turned away, rallying everyone up. Curtis continued to lead you up the stairs to one of the cars, hoping it was one that had the small apartment rooms in it. </p><p>“Curtis wait, what do you mean deal with him?” You try to get him to stop as he led you down the narrow hall with a gentle tug of your hand, Curtis wouldnt be deterred even though you tried to get him to answer you. He shoved open doors to various different rooms till he found one that seemed to fit what he wanted. Leading you inside, he loosened his hold and searched while you stood there, shaking slightly, your nerves, shot. Seeing Matt and the long hike here had exhausted you to almost breaking. </p><p>“Just as I said Y/N, I was going to deal with him.” He stepped out of the small bathroom the room had and pulled the rifle off his shoulder and set it near the door, turning back towards you to rub your arms. “and right now, youve had enough.” He drew you to sit on the edge of the seating area and you looked up at him with a look he was familiar with. One that was ready to challenge him. </p><p>“You cant kill him Curtis.” Your eyes narrow at him as he shakes his head at you. Seeing that shake of the head, you grab his coat to keep him from pulling away. So tired, you were just entirely drained and you couldnt bare the thought of him going to take another life, any life. Youve had enough of worrying and trying to hold everyone together, finding out some hard truths, not to mention the abuse you were still sore from. You felt like all youve done was cry and breakdown. Enough was enough. You just wanted him to stay with you,<em> Please dont go.</em> </p><p>Curtis moved to a kneel in front of you and unbuttoned your coat, swift fingers taking you apart in a intimate caring way that he needed to take care of you. Letting him, cause he was trying to ease you, and it kept him busy so you could study his next answer. “Promise me Curtis.” </p><p>“No, Y/N, I cant and you know that. If he is a danger to you, or anyone else on this fucking train, im not going to hesitate to end him.” his eyes avoided yours for a moment, until his hands drew into your coat to ease it away, looking up at you finally. He could see the tears still brimming softly and his hand lifted to use the pad of his thumb to wipe it away. “Baby, you know Im not gonna do anything unless there was a real danger, Okay, trust me.” He huffed that last part out, his thumbs sliding along your cheeks as he cupped your face to look at him, </p><p>Giving a small nod, you had to trust him. Youve trusted him with your life all these years, and now it was Matts you trusted him with. “I do Curtis… and I know hes not okay. What happened to him?” Curtis hands moved to rest on your thighs, rubbing lightly back and forth as he listened to you, his eyes showing his own weariness. </p><p>“Manipulation on Wilfords part… But I need you to stay here and just chill for a bit, okay?” he said and your brows furrowed at that, his hands tightening a bit on your thighs. “Your shaking, look at your hands.” You take a glance down, and without even knowing they were shaking, fists twisted in the sleeves of his jacket, white knuckled, and shaking uncontrolled. Loosening your hold, you pull them back and his hands encase yours. “Please, I will be back to check on you in a little bit. Just stay here till I make sure everything is settled.” You give a nod, it was easier to give him what he asks and Curtis gives a gentle smile, a silent<em> thank you Babygirl. </em>As he stands, he kisses your forehead. “I promise it wont be long” and he left you sitting there, in probably the nicest room you have seen in seventeen years, and you didnt know what to do in it besides sit there looking around. </p><p>Curtis closed the door firmly behind him, taking a breath to steady himself. <em>She will stay, cause I asked her to</em>. Trusting that you would, he straightened out and strode down the train car to see others taking advantage of the rooms, exploring and shedding clothes, as it was still warm in here somehow, was that running water? A rushing sound above him made him look up, and a stretch of his good arm braced against one of the pipes running, and sure enough it hummed enough to tell him that there was running water. <em>How in the hell?</em> he wondered as he moved to leave that car and search out where the prisoners were taken, where Matt was placed. </p><p>He didnt have to look far, as Edgar was talking to Johanna, who nodded at Edgars request. “Yea, that shouldnt be a problem, we can take some shifts on and off, there are others from my car who are just as sharp.” Before Curtis could even inquire, she took off, calling out a few names searching these people out. </p><p>“What was that about?” Curtis asked and Edgar looked over his shoulder, turning towards his friend, and beckoning him to follow, well aware of what he needed to be filled in on. “People who can actually use these damn rifles. The front enders said that they are all here, but we dont know whos out there, who might be coming.” Curtis nodded, listening to Edgar, he was right, they really didnt know, not to mention the ex guards that tried shooting them all out earlier. “Where they stationed?” </p><p>“Johanna will take care of all that, shes ex- military, and trained for this kind of shit. She was the one to actually bring it up to me first.” Edgar shrugged as he led them a few cars back and swung up. “I put the front enders in the car ahead, and Matt, well hes in this one. I figured you wouldnt want him near his group again and start some shit. So separated for now. Might be easier to bring him up to the luxury cars were gonna be staying in. Keep him under better surveillance.” </p><p>There was a reason Edgar was Curtis right hand man in all this. The kid was smart, he was always thinking ahead, and Curtis was thanking all that was holy the kid survived. Darkening a bit remembering the circumstance, he pushed it away and gestured Edgar to bring him to Matt. There was the business of how big a threat was your brother going to be. Going back to a steel door, Edgar pushed it open, and inside was Matt along with a tail ender guarding him, bound and gagged, the man knelt in the center of the room. Curtis stepped towards him alone, The other two men holding back. Curtis didnt even bother to bring himself down to his level, his hand just fisted in the mans hair and tipped his head back. </p><p>“Im gonna be real honest with you Matt, and only going to say this once. If I think your in any way a threat to these people, to your sister, I will slice your throat.” Matts eyes darkened and he gave a muffled response. Curtis jerked down the cloth enough so his mouth wasnt stuffed with it. “You wouldnt dare kill me, Y/N wouldnt let you. She would detest and hate you for the rest of her life.” Curtis gave a cold smile, and nodded. </p><p>“I know, and yet I can live with her hating me if it meant you wouldnt hurt her, or any of us again. Its a life Im willing to live with.” Matts eyes looked doubtful at Curtis, but he stayed silent. “There is no situation here Matt where you win. So were going to do this my way. Lock and key, maybe in time you will get some freedoms. Maybe. Your ass has a long way to go if ever, and the only reason your still alive is because of Y/N. So better not piss her the fuck off, cause like I promised earlier, I have no problem killing you.”</p><p>“You going to end me like you did Claude? Shoot me without being able to defend myself.” He spat a bit. “You know Claude wasnt going to shoot Y/N, you think Im that heartless. Are you entirely sure that rifle wasnt loaded and just for show?” Matt smirked at Curtis in the smug way of his. “As you keep pointing out, she is my sister after all. I have some obligations to her safety after all.” </p><p>“Claude was Wilford whore, and had Y/N in her sights. Im not fucking playing anymore of the games, yall had 17 years of it. Things are changing. You still have to prove you have any loyalties to her. So untill we decide if your even worth keeping around.” Curtis brought the rag back up to stuff it back into Matts mouth, his protests going muffled. “This is your life now.” Ripping his hand back to release the man, he fell back and Curtis turned away. Done with his shit for now. Leaving with Edgar, the door slammed shut, closing Matt in the dark once more to simply wait. </p><p>“You think he is ever gonna come around?” Edgar asked as they left the car, Curtis feeling better knowing Matt was secure till he knew what the fuck to do with him. </p><p>“Maybe? He was once one of us after all. Although hes spent more time in Wilfords care. Show me what else has been started.” </p><p>The next hour Edgar showed him what they set up, people were setting themselves and family up in the luxury cars, beds, clothing. It was even found that they had things such as electricity and hot running water. “But how is this possible” Curtis asked, flicking the lights on and off in a empty room, Edgar shrugging next to him. “I have no idea, maybe someone in the front end knows how its running still now that the train has stopped.” </p><p>“Start asking them, im not gonna look a gift like this in the mouth, but I would like to know how long it will last.” Curtis flicked off the lights again and they continued on. There was an extensive medical unit, that a few people occupied, including Sara who seemed even worst. Y/N is going to need to see to her soon, Curtis left her to her rest, the woman shaking endlessly. The kids all came tumbling down the aisle, laughing and seeming to play a game. Timmy, why he actually seemed normal once more. They half collided with Edgar and Curtis, weaving around the men. </p><p>“Git on outta here you pains in the asses! I already told ya once this wasnt for running around in” Edgar yelled, Curtis drew away to where he saw Yona sitting near a window in one of the rooms. </p><p>“Hey, you okay?” He asked the young woman. She broke out of her trance and smiled looking at Curtis. </p><p>“Oh yes… just thinking. He didnt make it you know.” </p><p>Curtis’s hand rested on her knee. “I know Yona, Im sorry. But I promise you always have a place here with us.” </p><p>“He would have liked this, going outside. No more tail end, front end.”Tears of mourning formed in her eyes for her father, and Curtis to shared in her sorrow. The man was a pain in the ass, but he got them to the front, saved his life as well as his daughters. She turned to look at Curtis, a guarded expression on her face. “Its not over though, we have to be ready.” </p><p>“Ready for what.?” </p><p>“I dont know yet…” she drifted off and turned back to the window seeming to get lost in her thoughts. Edgar raised a brow at Curtis in question. Although Edgar thought she might have a few screws loose, Curtis had started to trust her instincts, to the point he took them to heart. She had been right several times, forewarning Curtis at various points. It sunk in what she was saying. “When you know more, let me know. And anything else Yona, if you need something ask for me. Okay?” She gave him a nod, and a reassuring smile, pushing against his good arm gently. “Go, she waits for you.” </p><p>That made him smile, maybe you were feeling better. </p><p>While Curtis was gone, you did everything you could to relax, but it just amped you up worst, tugging at your clothes as the room felt warm. Real warmth you werent used to. Piling most of your clothes in a chair, your mind just keeps going through the days events, and the one that was making you choke up, try not to cry was your baby brother. How could he be such a monster… You couldnt understand what happened, how he could ever become that. All those years of guilt bubbled in your chest, and it hurt. Fucking hurt that you werent able to protect him, and now if given the chance you were sure Matt would just kill you all. Or worst. The coldness in his eyes, glee filled when you had looked at him in fear. Whatever Wilford done, he killed the boy you knew. </p><p>Sitting on the edge of the seating area, you drew your legs up and hid your face in your knees, waiting for Curtis to return. There was nothing else, no way to escape the thoughts swarming, there was no way to let yourself sink off into oblivion, which sounded like the greatest relief, although impossible, There was nothing more to do then wait for the next metaphorical axe to bury itself into you and your people, you lifted your head when you heard the door click to see Curtis return. </p><p>A glance at your face showed that you hadnt truly calmed down since he left you in here, and shrugging off his coat and hat, he approached you and taking your hands, he brought you to a stand. Unfolding yourself, he waited until you were right in front of him and he wrapped his arms around you gentle to not make you pull back in fear like you have been doing and kissed your shoulder. “Theres hot water still, I want you to go take a shower, and tonight we will stay here.” </p><p>“Hot water? How…. “ He shushed you and eased you into the bathroom. “Do as I say Baby” And he slipped the door half closed to give you privacy, and while you were undressing and testing the water, once it was full blast hot, you sunk into the stream of burning water with a sigh of relief. In the room, Curtis searched out the cupboards and found stuff of luxury they never had. Plush robes, more toiletries, some clothing, even a half full bottle of brandy that he took a swig off, and pocketed. <em>Fuck that burned in all the best ways.</em> He took the robe and set it on the bathroom counter, the room was full of steam, and he could see your silhouette swaying back and forth in the water. <em>Fuck he wished he could join you, but not today. </em></p><p>There was a knock on the door leading out of the room, and Curtis slipped the bathroom door shut further for your privacy before opening. It was Tam, and she had a bundle in her arms. “Whats all this Tam?” Curtis asked while stepping back to let her step inside, which she set it down, he could see food that they had packed up from there journey. She flipped open the blanket she carried it in so he could see properly. It was things like more crackers, and peanut butter. God damn peanut butter, now that was a sight for sore eyes. “I figured you were busy and needed to be fed.” </p><p>“Thanks for this Tam, It was something I was going to go for next.” Curtis confessed and Tam smiled and patted his arm. </p><p>“I know, figured I would save you two the hassle.” In the bathroom you cut the water and listened to the exchange before deciding it was safe to step out of the stall, on the counter you found a robe Curtis must have found, and wrapped yourself in it, waiting till you heard his “thank yous and I will come find you later” When you opened the door, he tilted his head, smiling at you. Consciously you tried to run your fingers through your hair. “Feeling a bit better?” He asked you and you nodded. Drawing you into his hold when he sat down, folding into his lap, he dragged the blanket over. </p><p>“Look what Tam brought us… whens the last time we had something like Peanut Butter?” Your eyes widened as you picked up the plastic jar, rolling it in your hand. “Did you like it before the train?” Curtis asked as you pried off the top, a excited nod made him chuckle, and he took it from you to peel off the paper seal, and tipped it to you. “Go ahead, try some.”</p><p>“This used to be my favorite before, could eat it right off the spoon.” Your finger tip dragged through the smooth butter, and brought it to your lips, closing your eyes to savor it. Curtis wedged the jar in your lap and also pulled the sleeve of saltines over, using his teeth to split it open, and drag a cracker through the top and popped it in his mouth. It was fucking better then he remembered, and you did the same as he did. It was probably the best meal either of you shared, and before the end you two were laughing softly and feeding each other, until you shook your head. “I cant anymore… but thank you.” </p><p>Cupping his face in your hands, you kissed him with a soft sigh passing between the two of you, soft kisses with peanut butter taste, you leaned your forehead against his for a minute. “Stay long enough till I fall asleep?” You ask when you pull back and screw on the top. You know that he wont be staying for a few nights all night until he was sure that you all were established safe. You wouldnt ask him to cause you know he would be torn between wanting to remain with you and going to be sure the rest were safe. </p><p>“Of course, tomorrow I will find us a more suitable room. I dont think we could make this couch work, our bunk had a bit more room.” He confirms as you moved out of his lap and set the stuff Tam brought on the counter running along the opposite wall. This time you curl into his side so when you drifted off he could slip out, his hand trailing along your side while you settled in, your gaze looking out the windows the snow glowing from the incredibly bright stars overhead in the inky blackness. Letting yourself think about the day, relaxing from his touch, it was firm through the robes fabric. “How was it… your talk with Matt?”</p><p>Curtis had expected you to ask him, and he was silent a moment, not really wanting to break this first real at ease moment you two shared. But finally he spoke when you to remained silent, waiting for him. “I told him the way it was Y/N, that I cant tolerate danger to any of our people, and that until we all decide what we want to do with him, he will remain in his current predicament. Tied and gagged.” He felt you wince, but didnt protest to any of it.</p><p>“Do you think he will talk to me?” You ask next, tipping your head back to look up at Curtis. </p><p>He swallowed and his face became guarded, it was no real secret he didnt want you going around Matt. His eyes fell down to you, and he knew he really couldnt keep you from your brother. “How about we take that one day at a time? Youve been through alot baby within these past few days.”</p><p>“Speaking of that… “ You shift enough to sit up next to him, rubbing your arm. “Curtis, there could be the very real possibility that im… “ Your hand moves to rest against your stomach. “I have no idea, and its not just me, there might be others.” Curtis jaw tensed thinking about what you were saying that your personal hell might have resulted in making a life. His hand moved over yours and he made eye contact, his words a promise. </p><p>“Listen Y/N whatever you want to do, thats what we will do. You decide to have a baby should you be pregnant, then that will be my child to. If you decide that its not the right thing to do, we will figure that out to. They have an extensive hospital wing here, and possibly still a doctor. Im going to find out later if anyone is medically trained. As for the others, they will of course have the same choices. They are free to do what they need to.” </p><p>You breathed out, one hand it was a relief that Curtis confirmed what you already suspected. “Even if its another mans baby?” </p><p>“Of course, I dont care who the bastard biological father is, I cant say I would be a good dad by any means. But fuck if Im letting you do that alone. Especially since you should have never had that happen in the first place.” His face clouded, and you frowned, nudging his shoulder. “Hey! It isnt your fault, youve protected me more times then I can count in the tail end, and I made it out. We made it out. We will with this to, right?” </p><p>You needed him to believe it, that it wasnt on him. He could lie to you about it, but not himself. He messed up, with you, Edgar, hell the train. Now they were stuck in who the fuck knows. But for now it all just simmered below the surface. “Get some sleep babygirl. We will take all this one day at a time.” </p><p>You would have kept up the conversation till you heard the words, but it was hard to resist his request, but not to you placed a soft loving kiss on his lips, and rubbed your nose against his. “And Mr.Everett, you would make a perfectly fine Daddy, when the time comes.” He gave a doubtful grin and roll of his eyes. You can think that all you want, Curtis knew the truth. You would make a wonderful mother, regardless of all the times you claimed it wasnt for you, that the trains orphans were enough. Him though… he would just mess up any kid of his and this life, it was day to day survival. You settled down at his side, and his hand rested protectively against your hip, rubbing gently. </p><p>When you finally drifted off, a few more regular nights, and Curtis suspected you would feel like yourself again. He eased gently away and shook out the blanket Tam brought, settling it over you. When he left, he collected the rifle he had left behind when they first settled in the room, and checked the rifle while walking down towards the exit. Just as Matt said, empty. Sighing to himself, he clicked it back together, and shrugged it off. <em>Oh well, Claude had it coming.</em> </p><p>Edgar appeared at his side, and followed along once he saw Curtis. “Whats the next move?” </p><p>“Were going to sort out our prisoner situation. First, this…” He motioned to the rifle he carried. “Lets store it away with the rest, we need to be careful with them, take inventory. See if they have some kind of bullet maker.” Curtis was thinking out loud while Edgar led him off the train and walked around small fires people built, Curtis suspected people couldnt stand the enclosed space anymore, and standing under the wide open sky, he inhaled the cold air deeply, counting his blessings. For the first time it really sunk in. </p><p>
  <em>They were free. Actually free from the tail end and Wilford. </em>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. First Order Of Buisness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dealing with the captured front enders, it’s time for Curtis to make a choice in how to combine the people. You begin helping the Doctor, and discuss what options are available to you. Warnings- Mentions of death, assault, rape, abortion.</p>
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</p><p>“Okay, explain it to me.” Curtis had his arms folded over his chest and a brow raised, trying to make sense with what the trains engineer was saying. The engineer opened his mouth to start again. “There is a battery that’s been charging on the train, as the train moved it built up a charge and was stored. It’s been going… what 17 years now?” The engineer shrugged his answer. “I can’t begin to tell you how long it will last, but Im gonna guess a damn long while.” </p><p>“Why? Why would Wilford have a back up plan built on the train?” John asked from nearby, Curtis waiting on an answer. The engineer turned his gaze away from the imposing man in front of him to the other. </p><p>“Cause if the train ever had to stop Wilford needed a way to keep things going. There was emergency switches to turn off certain sections from receiving power and water, make it last longer. So you get to that box, and you can still control that.” </p><p>“Where is that?” Curtis questioned, thinking of all the times Wilford could have just cut the power on them. In fact he probably had a few times, recalling the blackouts in the tail end. If the train ever stopped, they would have been dead in days, frozen and starvation, dehydration. They would have just cut the tail end off and continued. “Your going to show John and cut off any cars still attached that were not currently using.” He instructed, and as they left, Curtis turned to the rest of the front enders waiting for his next move. </p><p>So far going through the surviving front enders was a bit tedious and Curtis could feel a headache coming on, a press of his fingers to the bridge of his nose did little to help his headache behind his eyes. He had been interviewing them all night, with questions like “What did you do before the crash, what skills can you provide.” General questions to how they could help the survivors, gauge where their loyalties lay. John and Johanna joined him in this, a sharp nod or shake no as to what they thought of the individual. </p><p>So far most seemed generally harmless. Scared, wide eyed, just looking for someone to tell them what to do. Curtis was pleased to find that it wasn’t just the ‘high class’ front enders he had here for the most part. No, he actually got lucky enough to find some that had skills. People who knew how to work the plants in the greenhouse, some that cared for the animals that had actually survived, that in itself was a blessing Curtis never even suspected would have actually survived the derail.</p><p>A Doctor was next, a medical professional in the train that survived, and once he stepped forward for his questioning and revealed what he did, Curtis sighed internally with relief. “Doctor you say… good, we have immediate need for you right now.” He stated, turning to Edgar instructing him to bring the doctor to the injured when Dr.Price pulled up short. “Im not going anywhere with you.” </p><p>This set Curtis off, quick to cross the small space between him and the doctor, his eyes snapping at the man. “You will do as we say. We have a people in the medical rooms all needing attention now. We never had a doctor to care for us. The Nurses we did have no equipment to try and keep us alive. Wilford shot them both.” Curtis all but snarled out, his hand coming out to fist in the doctors shirt pulling him close, face to face. “Leaving behind there untrained daughter to keep us alive. So when I say go help the people in the medical car… I wasn’t asking you, I was telling you Dr. to go treat the remaining people.” </p><p>Dr.Pierce’s eyes widened and he shook his head, not fighting Curtis, but still not willing to make the effort to follow through with his commands. “Listen, we have plenty of wounded as well, who Im currently helping.” Curtis looked over his shoulder at the frightened people cowering, just as they used to do in the tail end. Yes, these people weren’t filthy in the way they were, but the same fear rolled through the crowd, the same defiant eyes hating him just as he had hated Wilford. He loosened his grip and stepped back from the Doctor. <em>Was he being no better then WIlford right now?</em></p><p>It wasn’t easy to trust any of them with the remaining people, but they were now in his charge as well, this wasn’t what he was supposed to be, another Wilford. Curtis set out to set the tail end free, not cage the front end. “How many are wounded?” </p><p>The Doctor was quick with his response. “There’s two with some serious injuries and minor stuff. I’m okay with helping those in the medical car, it’s an oath I took before we lived like this. But I’m not abandoning them either.” Curtis looked over his shoulder, motioning for Johanna to join him. </p><p>“Get some people to move the injured into the medical area, along with anyone else Dr…?” Curtis arched a brow and Pierce filled in the question. “Pierce says need to go with him. Then ask everyone to meet me outside where camps set up.” They nodded and Johanna went to get a couple more people to help with the severely injured, another splitting off to help Dr.Pierce prepare the patients. Curtis turned away from the rest of the group, stepping out of the cart, leaving the rest behind for now. The sun just started to come up, and stretch it’s light in haze’s of pink and oranges across the sky, lighting up the sky. Would he ever get tired of this sight? No. </p><p>“What are you thinking Curtis?” Edgar came up next to him, the younger man was surveying the camps set up around the train, a bit anxious at what Curtis was possibly considering. </p><p>“We can’t just keep them locked up Edgar… I’m going to talk to everyone at once, we have to give them a chance right? Fucking hell if I know, but you saw them. There’s hardly any fight there at all. They are just as blindsided as the rest of us.” </p><p>Edgar didn’t seem to fully support what Curtis was saying, his hand coming up to the back of his neck and rubbing at it, wincing from the pain in his back, it was hard to forget it was the front enders that had tried to kill him, another part of his mind that it was Curtis who turned away to continue forward. “They are from the front end, you saw what happened when Matt put some rifles in their hands Curtis. They were ready to kill us.” </p><p>“Its not like we came up with fucking picnic baskets wanting to be friends Edgar. They were just as scared we were going to attack as we were. Go let people know.” Curtis shut down the conversation for now, nodding to the man guarding the door as he swung down the train. Edgar did as he was asked, going to gather people up from the camp. Curtis went to go see where you were, and then meet up with everyone. Things we’re going to be changing again. He prayed for the better. </p><p>You woke with a start, shooting straight up in bed to the barely there light streaming through the window behind your head. A glance around the small room let you know you were alone, and you twisted yourself to sit up. Already you felt better then you had yesterday, and curious as to where Curtis was, you started pulling clothes on, the last was his beanie he must have forgotten. Stuffing that on your head as well, planning on bringing it to him. Making your way out, you caught sight of Yona up ahead, the teenager picking her way towards you with a smile. “Curtis is coming up to get us.” </p><p>You hadn’t really gotten to know the girl yet, but her eyes and smile were warm, and from the bit Curtis told you, he highly valued her opinion. Smiling at her in greeting “well then, let’s go see what he wants, shall we?” the two of you heading off together, and once out of the sleeping section the train hollowed out for more people to be gathered. You found Curtis talking to individuals in passing. A wave of your hand caught his attention, and he finished up a conversation he was having and met you halfway. “I was just coming to find you.” </p><p>“Oh Yona said you already were… ?” You questioned with a look to the girl, who just smiled knowingly and gave a shrug. </p><p>“I’m gathering people outside… “ Hearing that Yona took her leave to go with the others. And Curtis led you away from prying ears. “The prisoners, you were right.They are just looking for someone to tell them what to do. I’m not going to hold them hostage, would make us no better then Wilford. I will make the consequences clear and any will be free to try there luck out on the ice.” You nodded slightly, looking up at him. You could see the worry in his eyes, the way it lined his features. Hard set in stone resolve, that stiffened his back. You pressed your hand against his clenched tension filled fist, and worked your fingers to weave with his. His hand finally released and relaxed in yours. </p><p>“Were not like Wilford, and we won’t ever be that way.” Your hand squeezed in support and he visibly relaxed, some of the tension easing from his features. He had your support, it was all he needed. Reaching up to yank off his beanie from your head, you let his hand go with your other and leaned up to tip toes to put it on his head, giving him a peck on his lips. “Your a better man then Wilford ever was, we will get through this.” </p><p>Curtis gaze softened as he reached up to readjust his beanie, and dropping to run his fingers along your cheek. “You seem pretty sure of me Babygirl.” </p><p>“Of course I am Handsome, come on.” </p><p>Together you two went out to where everyone was gathered now, waiting to see what was next. Was it good news? Bad? It had them all on edge, unsure of what to expect anymore. Your hand rest against his back, and Curtis looked over familiar faces and unfamiliar ones. </p><p>“So you all know we have a car full of people, from the front end. Workers mostly, they tended to the people in the front, maintenance and such. We can’t just keep them locked up, and forgotten. So those that want to stay with us can, they will help rebuild.” Even as Curtis got the words out, there was resistance, protests being thrown out. “What they ever do for us?” “Left us in the tail end to rot.” “say we just get rid of them.” Curtis’s brow furrowed and he shouted out “Enough! Does anyone have anything beneficial to say or is it how they were just from the front end and we should kill them?” </p><p>There was a sort of hush, then someone did step forward, a man you didn’t recognize and suspected he was from another car. “Say we let them disperse amongst us back end people. Who’s to say were not in danger from them? You going to excuse them or let us actually defend ourselves? They did just try to kill us yesterday.” You resisted the urge to roll your eyes but Curtis remained calm. </p><p>“They were following Matts orders and were afraid for there lives. Would any of you had reacted any different if roles were reversed?” He pointedly stopped and waited before continuing. “Were not going to tolerate any danger to ourselves… Or them, should anyone of us survivors kill one another, they are done. We’re all that’s left. There’s no tolerance for murders, rapists or thieves.” </p><p>“And who decides? You? Are you taking over as 'Leader’?” </p><p>Curtis shook his head. “No, Im not labeling myself as leader, in fact I have given some thought, and a Leader just is like when Wilford ran the train.” You were curious, having not heard anything further on how they would proceed forward. “And if you all agree, along with the others, we will make a council. Someone from all the sections left.” Your hand rubbed assuring against his back, and there was a visual shift in the crowd, some who agreed, and some who didn’t. The rise in vocal yays and nays started to pick up, and somewhere in the back a argument broke out. </p><p>Edgar cussed out loud as he pushed through the group to reach where people started getting a bit physical, and Curtis hopped down to help break it up. You shared a look with Johanna who was next to you, and you decided enough was enough. “HEY!” you shouted in a sharp demand, and everyone stopped, looking up at you in surprise. “Cut the crap, alright? None of you can see the benefits of what Curtis is saying. Those people, y'all hate so much can keep us the fuck alive.” They looked doubtful, arms crossing over chests in defiance. “Can any of you properly grow food in a enclosed ecosystem, understand how this train works. Any of you know why the train is still running electricity or water? Fix up our people with actual medicine? Cause I sure as hell don’t. Hmm? Who knows what else. We’re guessing here people, all of it. We’ve been stuck for the past 17 years scraping to just survive. How about we expand from that and start fucking living.” Johanna and John both came up side you for show of support.</p><p>“Curtis already explained the council, so everyone has fair representation, were not going to make them into anything less then equals, cause fuck they are just trying to survive as well. No, they didn’t struggle like we did, they might have been given better accommodations from Wilford, can we blame them for what they have had to do to survive? Any one of us might have done the same thing given the chance back then if we knew.” Your eyes searched over the faces to see if anyone would disagree with you. </p><p>“And what about Matt? You just letting him go?” Someone asked. Your head shook out a no. “Right now, probably not. Not for a damn long time at least. Not till we’re all sure he can be trusted. That would be a matter something like a council would weigh together and decide after discussing it with the group, that means all of us.” you breathed out, feeling the tightness in your chest just discussing your brother. “Curtis… I will be in the medical car if you need me.” Ending with having your say, Curtis nodded at you, his eyes flashing with worry for a moment, before turning back to the crowd. “Any more questions?” </p><p>You made your way through the cars, passing kids playing, older couples settling into new accommodations that didn’t feel the need to attend the meeting, they would accept whatever at this point. And you finally came into what looked almost like a waiting room from your childhood, at the far end a curtain was pulled shut, just the shadows of people stretched in it’s fabric. Working through the crowd, you poked your head around with a “hey to see a Doctor working on Sara. Sara whom you tried hard to help, but now she was laid out, not in pain, she looked almost in bliss as the doctor looked up, his brows coming together. “If you have something urgent…you got to wait.” </p><p>“I was just coming to see if you needed help Dr. I have some training and I know a lot of the patients out there, my name is Y/N by the way.” </p><p>“Dr.Price, and I’m certainly not gonna turn you down on the offer. Go scrub up, and we will get started.” His eyes warmed when he smiled, and you immediately started to do as he asked, relieved to be of use again. </p><p>Curtis went to talk with the front enders, which it went a lot smoother then his previous chat went, all of them agreeing with the terms, and conditions. The people who ran the industrious food giving cars immediately went to there posts, along with handfuls of tail enders to help them clean up the mess the derailing caused, Curtis, John and Edgar organized teams to do some of the harder work. They had to get the dead removed, at least as quickly as possible from the liveable cars. It was something they had all avoided discussing, going car thru car to find the dead. </p><p>“What are we uh… going to do with them?” Edgar asked as the opened another door and looked in, looking at little green. Curtis was having a hard time with it, the heaviness of knowing these people would still be alive if he hadn’t shoved his hand into the gears. <em>The ache in his arm he figured was the least he deserved</em>, his tone was clipped when he spoke. “Were going to have to burn them, it’s the only way to get through this many people. If we just bury them under the snow, and it ever melts, they will just rot.” Having a plan in place, they got to work, dragging bodies wrapped in blankets away, someone finding gasoline and matches to light them on fire. It made for a long day. As it turned dark, the fire glowed bright as a beacon should there be any other people out there. </p><p>The lights flickered on in the doctors office as Price hit the switch, and looked in the waiting area. “Think were done for the night.” It was just the two of you left, and you perched against the examination table. “Not quite, Curtis should be by soon, and I really need you to look at his arm. Then there’s me.” You admitted, your arm going around your midsection in a defensive way, and the doctor arched a brow. “Okay, what’s going on with you?” He asked kindly, his voice made you relax a little. </p><p>“I might be pregnant, and I’m not sure if you happen to  have anything for me, and some other women who might be in the same situation I am.” Your nose wrinkled to keep from letting yourself get to worked up, doing your best to keep this from turning into you crying in frustration, fear and trauma. </p><p>“Unfortunately Child, Tests went extinct a few years ago. But the best way to tell now is waiting for your cycle to happen. Do you have a estimate of when you start?” </p><p>You gave a shake of your head, time had been impossible to follow in the tail end. “No no… but I haven’t ever missed before that I know of .” </p><p>“It’s the best way now, although not entirely reliable. If you don’t, then in the future I can do an exam for a fetus. Does the potential father know?” </p><p>Here is where your tears spilled and you covered your face in your shame, shaking your head. “There isn’t a father, it wasn’t consensual…” And suddenly Curtis came around the curtain, having heard part of the conversation, his arms immediately coming around you, rubbing along your back as you went from crying in your hands to his chest. His hand moved along the back of your head, holding you close as he spoke to Dr.Price, who just observed the interaction. “If she’s pregnant and she decides to continue, then I would be the father.” </p><p>“Okay, if you happen to be Y/N, we are equipped to handle it in the way you should so choose.” Dr.Price started once you had calmed down, still tucked up against Curtis, but able to stay calm. “There are risks with either choice, so that’s something you two will have to discuss. You should have any others come see me to, so I can talk to them.” Both you and Curtis nodded at him, and he reached down taking your hand in the very same way you had take his earlier, giving a light squeeze. “And for those interested… “ He looked directly at Curtis. “If you don’t mind spreading the word that I can do vasectomies to any that don’t want to risk it.” </p><p>“Yea, I will be sure to start letting people know. “ Curtis assured Dr.Price, rubbing the small of your back and on your hand you could feel him feathering his thumb back and forth over your knuckles. Dr.Price gave a reassuring smile to the both of them. He turned to a closet, and opened the door, stepping inside, and came back out with box of condoms, handing it over. “Use these for now. We do have limited amount of birth control supplies.” Your eyes widened as you took the box. “Like… actual prevention.” stunned as you turned the box over in your hands.</p><p>“Yes, I will only be giving it out to dedicated couples for now. There just isn’t enough otherwise to go around unfortunately. Wilford had extreme rules for the front end. Every family was only allowed to have one child.” He said with some regret as he closed the door behind him, not offering more of an explanation as to what would happen should an unexpected pregnancy happen. “And they are damn old, so it’s a risk, m'kay? Use with extreme caution.” You gave them to Curtis, nodding with understanding what he was saying. “So Y/N, just wait to see when your cycle comes, okay? We will know soon and you can decide where you would like to do from there. Try not to stress yourself sick over it. Now, I have an arm to look at?” </p><p>You tilted your head to look at Curtis. “It really needs to be looked at and cleaned up Curtis.” You move away while he went to shrug off his coat, and you took it from him. You bit your lip with a bit of anxiety while Curtis also reached over his shoulder and tugged off his shirt. “Just easier than trying to roll a sleeve up over it.” He remarked as he held his arm out. Standing behind Curtis, this had to be the first time you’ve seen him in bright light like this. And all over his back were little marks like scars. Nothing serious, but pale pink marks scattered across the spanse of his shoulders, and down. It tighten your chest seeing the struggles of their survival, how many times had Curtis been in pain and never said a word. </p><p>You really couldn’t help in, your hand braced against his back and he stiffined a moment while the doctor looked over his arm. He glanced over his shoulder to see you sliding your hand, across his upper back, the tip of your finger tracing some of the bigger ones. He couldn’t help the ripple of muscle that followed your touch and you pulled away, mouthing sorry. Curtis gave a light shake of his head<em>. I missed your touch Babygirl,</em> flashing you a smile before he turned back to the doctor finishing up.  </p><p>“Let me tell you, your damn lucky. The scabs are keeping everything sealed up from infection. If any of them come off and it’s an open wound, you haul ass here to me. You got it? No waiting. If any kind of infection settles in, you can easily loose your arm.” He twisted it a bit, and frowned at a few bright red spots that had some heat lining around the jagged cuts. “But just to be safe, Im giving you a shot to deal with any infection. I’m sure your white blood count is off right now dealing with this.” He prepped a shot for Curtis and you came around to see what his arm looked like. It looked so angry to you, all of it even hid his old scar from years ago. Dr.Pierce swabbed at Curtis upper arm and promptly gave the shot, without Curtis even paying attention. “well that finished that up, unless you two got more to fill me in on tonight?”  </p><p>“No… I think that’s everything I can think of.” You say and Curtis agrees with a subtle 'all good’ while putting his shirt back on, and taking his jacket from you, to drap over his arm. Dr.Price held out his hand, giving a firm shake to each of you. “Then I’m bidding you two good night, I’m exhausted and will be back in the morning. Y/N, if you got no other plans, I could use your help again. Curtis, I respect what your trying to do here. Good night.” </p><p>“Good Night Dr. Pierce, I will stop by tomorrow.” You assured him and all together you left, he turned one way, you two turned another. Curtis kept his arm around your shoulder, checking in on Yona. You leaned against the doorframe while Curtis made sure the girl was all set up, she had found a book somewhere and was struggling to read it to herself. It occurred to you she might only know the basics, making a mental note about seeing if she could help you with the orphans once you started to get in a routine. She would benefit from the lessons. “Night Yona” you waved your fingers at her and the girl did the same in a friendly manner.  </p><p>Once you two reached the room, Curtis growled going in, rubbing at his face. “tomorrow I’m really switching our room for one with a bed.” You chuckle as you shuck off the outer clothing, and sitting on the edge of the couch to remove your boots. “Did everything else go okay?” You ask while toeing your boots off and leaned back against your hands, watching Curtis dig out his pockets. Apparently he brought a few cans with him. Dinner for the night to pair off with the jar of peanut butter Tam brought the night before. “It was… long. But everyone seemed on board after what you said, and let’s just cross our fingers nothing happens tonight with anyone.” Using a knife, he started to pry off the top of a jar of fruit, and peeled off the top to set it aside. “We also started taking care of the dead, burning them several miles away.” His jaw tensed as he glanced out the window to see the red glow a ways in the distance, of it dying down. </p><p>Flicking his knife closed, he put it back in his pocket, and fingers closed around the box the doctor had given them. Taking it out and flipping it in his fingers looking at it. You had dipped your finger into the peanut butter jar when you saw it, unfolding off the couch and approaching him, biting your lip. “Did you ever use one before Curtis?” His brows arched at your question and gave a bit of a chuckle and quirk of a grin. “Yes, before the train I had, not a lot, I was just 17, but enough. They are not hard to use.” Curtis studied your face, the look of curiosity as well as tension and hints of fear. Giving a shake of his head, Curtis opened a drawer and tossing them in to shut them out of sight. “And you don’t have to fret about them Babygirl, your not ready.” </p><p>You dropped your face to look down, picking at your fingers, Curtis slid his fingers underneath your chin to lift it to have you look at him, cupping your face in between his hands. “There’s no rush Babygirl, whenever it happens for us again, it’s because you want to and were ready to.” </p><p>You couldn’t help the irrational thoughts swirling through your mind, and even though Curtis has already assured you that it wasn’t the case, there was always that dark part saying you were ruined for him. “Its not because you don’t-“ Curtis cut you off right there dropping a kiss on your lips, and leaning his forehead against yours. </p><p>“Not at all Babygirl, it wasn’t your fault. I wouldn’t ever look at you any differently. Your still as beautiful to me as when we first got to know each other. Come on, get ready for bed Sweetness.” He said softly, and the two of you got comfortable for the night, Curtis turning you two to easier converstaions. </p><p>Weeks passed and just a few mishaps had happened, but nothing serious. There was still some tension between the tail end people and the front end, but much to Curtis pleasure, there were more people actually trying than not. A council did get made after some time, a fair representation of all the people. Curtis was chosen to represent the tail end, even though he encouraged others, you had found it quite amusing how shocked he was about the whole ordeal. John was the second tail enders choice, Dr.Price and a woman named Madison was chosen to represent the front end. So far the first order of business was what to do about Matt. And it was unanimous that he was kept locked up. </p><p>You became a permanent resident working with Dr.Price, seeing how the tail enders were still nervous about the doctor, and there health issues were various. You had convinced the other women who were in the end car during the revolt to see the doctor and talk about the attacks. Like you, it was all a waiting game, and it was a heavy knot in your stomach most days. Curtis would check in several times a day, pulling you aside as his eyes searched yours, and you would smile, tilting up to kiss him and assure him you were fine. That day you were cleaning up a scraped knee, the little boy sniffling as you rolled up his pants leg. “my name is Y/N” You tell him as you set your stool in front of him and pour some cleaner on a cloth. You didn’t know him, so you figured he must be one of the other car residents. “Whats your name?” </p><p>A couple sniffles as he looks at his knee and a little miserable voice finally answered. “Tommy… but you can call me Tom. I’m getting to old for Tommy.”  He said, trying to sound a bit tougher, and you were very gentle, dabbing at his knee to clean up the blood. It was certainly not as worse as it seemed, but you praised Tommy up. “Well Tom, this was a nasty fall. Your really tough.” You put on some antiseptic cream, remembering not to long ago you couldn’t do this much, and here you were getting ready to put a bandage on a scrape, if only to make a little boy feel better. Tommy wiped at his eyes to get rid of the tears. “Really? I tripped when playing tag with the other kids.” </p><p>“Oh certainly Kiddo.” You heard Curtis voice behind you and a glance over your shoulder showed him coming around the curtain. “You heard Curtis.” You agree turning back to Tommy while un peeling a band-aid from the wrapper. Curtis heavy hands came to rest on your shoulders, massaging them while you attended to your patient. “In fact, tougher than Curtis.” You whispered to him, and Tommy’s eyes widened as they looked from you to the tall man standing behind you, in which Curtis was nodding in agreement. </p><p>“Yup, and you have the best nurse there is. She fixes me up all the time, and everything is all better afterwards.” You couldn’t help but smile to yourself hearing him, sticking the bandage on his knee and rolling down his pants leg. “Okay Tom. You are all set to go.” You moved to a stand, to feel Curtis hand slide down your back to curve around your waist as Tommy said a quick thank you, and raced off, all fixed and ready to play again. Curtis chuckled watching the boy duck out of the car into the next. “Good job Nurse Y/N.” and you winked up at him, rubbing his chest as you leaned in his side. “I had a little help, what are you doing here though? I thought you were helping out with clean up.” </p><p>“Ahhh, I was, but I have a surprise for you. I came down to see if you were busy.” </p><p>“No, Dr.Price is doing some rounds on the train doing check ups, I was about to head into the kitchen to help out. But for you, I can spare… 3 minutes.” You teased as Curtis led you out. “Where we going?” </p><p>“Well Babygirl… A surprise means I can’t tell you.” He smirked at you, his arms circled your waist from behind and he tipped his head to place a soft kiss just below your ear. You whined a bit to play back, reaching for his hands and taking them in your own, palms pressed to the tops of his hands, and weaving your fingers with his own. </p><p>“You can give me a hint Curtis.” you ask hopefully, just maybe he would give some clue as to what he had. </p><p>“Okay… Your going to really like it.” He teased as the two of you went down another walkway, and he pulled you two to a stop. </p><p>“You know, that isn’t much of a clue Handsome.” You look up at him while turning to face him, your hands releasing his to cross over your chest, He looked so damn excited, that you couldn’t help but bite your lip at the anticipation. </p><p>“Well close your eyes and I can get you ready.” He grasps your shoulders and turns you to face a closed door, making you snap your eyes shut and a hand went over your eyes. The click of the door sounded and his breath was warm when he whispered in your ear. “Okay take five steps forward and stop.” </p><p>You took five tentative steps like he asked, and the click sounded again. He removed his hand and said from behind you. “Okay… Open them.” When you did, you were greeted with a new live in room, so much larger then the last one, it was still all one room, but this had a large bed, with a window that stretched the length of the room giving a wall length view outside, and you spun on your heels to continue looking around. An easy chair that was for relaxing next to a table, nearby a door going into what you assumed was the bathroom, which you stepped into, your jaw dropping just a bit. “That’s an actual tub… not a shower.” You stepped back out, Curtis tilting his head with arched brows. </p><p>“You like this room? If you don’t I can switch us back, we just finished going through this car and I thought that this would be a better-” he was rambling and you caught him by surprise, tugging on his shirt to drag him down, and your lips met his with excitement and happiness. You pressed him to back up to the easy chair which he fell back into and you straddled his lap, to cup his face and feather soft kisses across his face. “Its perfect, really. More than I could have asked for Curtis.” His hands rested on your thighs on either side of him, sliding his hands along the tops and over to your waist, holding you while his blue eyes for the first time in weeks seemed content and relaxed.</p><p>Your arms slid around his neck, and you leaned into his chest with your head tilting to rest on his shoulder. Curtis slid his hands just under your shirt, rubbing small circles along your hips and lower back. He was content, the best hes felt since that day of the Revolt. Besides sleeping at night, this was the most intimate you’ve been with him, and he wouldn’t look a gift in the mouth. These moments Curtis had long ago learned to appreciate. His head dropped and kissed the hollow between your shoulder and neck. “I love you Babygirl.”</p><p>Your arms tightened around his neck a bit more when he said that. “I love you to Handsome.” </p><p>Cars away Edgar made his way towards where they were keeping the prisoner. His memories of Matt were few and far between. A boy who would play with him, doing races or climbing the bunks in a hide and seek with Y/N. It upset Edgar deep down that Matt no longer seemed to be his friend that he remembered. Now, he was just a tyrannical man, bent on bringing his friends to an end. He held up the bag of food to show the guard, and by passed the man standing at the entrance, flicking on a light to show Mat laying on his side, situated in a pallet Curtis had made for him. Heavy chain with a cuff circling his foot. They had come across the equipment in the livestock car, if it was good enough to keep an animal in it’s place, it was good enough for a prisoner. </p><p>“Got yer food…” Edgar approached cautiously, and set it down, nudging it closer with his foot. Matt looked over his shoulder and pushed to sit up, pulling the bag closer and looking in. “Is there gonna come a day you all give me something real?” He pulled out some heels of bread, and chewed on it while Edgar sat away from him, working on opening a can. </p><p>“Until we are better situated, this is what we got for you. If you look there is some chicken in there to.” Edgar pried off the lid and was sure to set it further away, knowing it could easily cut someone should Matt get ahold of it. “Be fucking thankful, would ya? We don’t have to give you anything. Let you starve.” </p><p>“My sister would never allow that.” Matt said with confidence, digging out the chicken leg and peeling the flesh off to pop it into his mouth. “Curtis though… Given the chance, he would. Y'all think I’m cold hearted. Well…” He shrugged, and Edgar frowned as he harshly pushed the can of vegetable over to him. </p><p>“Shut your fucking mouth, ya don’t know what your talking about.” </p><p>“Oh don’t I Edgar?” He quickly snatched the can before it could be taken away, Scooping out mixed veggies and shoving them in his mouth like he was starving. “How much do you really know about your precious 'leader of the tail end’ ?” </p><p>Edgar snarled in anger, using the knife to press against Matt’s throat and took back the can that was mostly gone and the bag that was almost empty now. “You don’t even deserve to talk about him, after what you did. Helping Wilford, all those innocent kids y'all took.” Pulling away, Matt leaned back against the metal wall. </p><p>“What… just trying to survive? Cause none of us done that.” Watching closely, he could see he got Edgar flustered, the way he was picking up the stuff he brought and shoving it into the bag, his actions were more like jerks in agitation. Matt hid a smirk, having just laid his foundation in the young man’s mind. As Edgar went to stomp out, Matt said calmly. “See you around Edgar… Tell Curtis and Y/N I said 'Hi’. “ Edgar shot a look at him, and the steel door slammed shut, leaving Matt whistling a child hood uplifted tune in the dark, waiting for his moment.   </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Adjusting To The Everyday Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The new way of life is becoming routine, and your starting to adjust. Curtis does his best to help you along. Warnings- swearing, hints of smut, talk of pregnancy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Slowly the new room was becoming ‘Home’, it had been a couple weeks since Curtis brought you to the room, and together you two cleaned it out of the personal stuff that couldn’t be used, and you took the time to bring down yours and his few belongings. Since settling in, he brought you two a couple changes of clothing, and for the first time in years, you were able to give both of your clothes a proper wash. A few things were just unable to be saved, one of his jackets, you just couldn’t salvage, but the other couple you could. Part of you wished you were able to clean out your bunk in the tail-end. But it was a days travel through the deep snow to get back to the car, and you couldn’t bring yourself to mention it to Curtis, not when there was so much going on.</p><p>Maybe someday. </p><p>But there was one thing you knew made it from the tail-end, cause Curtis carried it with him everywhere, and that was the slightly smudged charcoal drawing you commissioned back when you knew it was close to Curtis’s birthday before the riot, and you had seen him tuck it away when you two first moved in. So when you opened the drawer and it wasn’t safely tucked in the folds of your few clothes, you felt your heart catch. “No, where is it?!”</p><p>Starting to pull out the items from the drawer, and shaking them out, your panic got the best of you, and you were searching among the bedding stored there when Curtis walked into the room to find you on your knees, looking under the bed, among all the stuff on the floor. “Baby, what is going on?” And he was shocked further to see you come out from under the bed with tears brimming your eyes. “Curtis I can’t find it, and I saw you put it away.”</p><p>Confused, he used his boots to gently push stuff aside and squatted down next to you, gripping your chin to have you look at him. “Put what away Babygirl?” His brows are raised well above his beanie in concern and you sniffle in his hold. “The drawing of us, the picture. I could have sworn you put it in the dresser before your shower the other night, and now…” your hands pick up one of his shirts as if the picture will just fall out from underneath it. Curtis’s blue eyes snap in understanding and he lets you go, opening his jacket and pulling out a slightly bent out of shape paper.</p><p>“I got it right here, sorry Babygirl. I just usually carry it on me for safekeeping. I put it away the other day cause we were going to be working on the water, and didn’t want it to get ruined.” He handed it over and your teary face turns into an uplifted one, careful when you took it. “Of course! Curtis, I don’t know where my head’s at these days. Everything is just… “ You sigh, and looked at him apologetically. You’ve been terribly emotional the past few days, and you’ve either been mad at Curtis or crying over nothing. Shaking his head, he grunted to move to a stand, taking your hands and drawing you up.</p><p>“It’s okay, I don’t need to carry it anymore.” He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe at your cheeks. “What did you want to do with it?” You look at the picture and smile again, it simply made you happy and you pointed to a spot above the door. “Can you hang it up? Then this place can be officially home.” You held it back out and he took it, there was a lip of steel running along the wall just above the door, and Curtis arched to his toes to get high enough and set it on the beam, stepping back. “How’s it look Babygirl?” His arm moving around your waist and pulling you in front of him. Letting yourself lean back against his chest while studying the picture sitting above your doorway, you tilted your head up to look at him. “Perfect, Welcome Home.”</p><p>It was so easy to make you happy, Curtis let his hands slide around to your midsection and just hold you there, kissing your tilted back forehead. “It is perfect.” He really couldn’t remember when he had been happier, everything was going okay, the people were settling in and accepting this new way of living, the greenhouse was thriving, as well as the remaining animals that survived the crash. People were eating actual food, for the first time in 17 years, at least for the tail-enders. You actually we’re coming around to more affection, although he would wake up to find you worrying yourself in the dark now and then, you were far easier to coax into his arms and fall back asleep. Assuring you that whatever happened, you two would deal with it together.</p><p>That was the last part, waiting to see if you were actually pregnant or not. I could see it worrying you, making you fret when you thought no one was paying attention. And Matt. Matt, Curtis was at a loss of what to do with that fucker. He was still locked in the Car they stuffed him in weeks ago. But you insisted on once a day walks with him, and Curtis to. There was no way in hell he was leaving you alone with Matt. Brother or Not. Speaking of which, Curtis knew what was coming and you turned to look up at him, the question in your eyes.</p><p>“Can we go see Matt now Curtis?” you worried your bottom lip, always seeming to be nervous to ask, although he never told you no. Today was no different, kissing your forehead.</p><p>“Only if your up for it Babygirl.” He said with a bit of hesitancy, simply cause not even 20 minutes ago you had been in a full panic. But you nodded with affirmation, and grabbed at your jacket, and stuffed a hat on your head since usually you all went outside for the fresh air and sunshine, although still bitterly cold. So many years in the dark, you especially couldn’t get enough of the sun. Curtis would find you often standing outside, lips blue with your eyes tilted into the sun, seeming to soak it in. The man pictured you soaking it in, light was drawn to light. Why you were drawn to him, he didn’t know. Leading you down the aisle, his hand resting in the small of your back.</p><p>Snapping open the heavy door between cars, you leaped over the gap, and worked Matt’s car open, and light spilled into the darkness to show Matt leaning against a wall. One arm hooked over his knee, lifting his head to scowl at the two of them, you went in wringing your hands and smiling hopefully. Curtis right behind you, a dark imposing figure scowling. The complete opposite of your hopefulness. “Hey Matt, how you feeling today?”</p><p>Matt snorted and tugged on the heavy livestock chains around his ankle. “Fucking fantastic Dear Sister. Living the fucking dream.” Curtis snarled out while digging for the locks keys in his pocket and handing you off a knife for protection in case Matt happened to overpower him. “Cut the shit, Matt. She didn’t come here for you to be a little bitch.” Cutis squatted down and yanked his leg into the light enough so he could see the lock. Matt seemed to somber a bit. “Been better Y/N, thanks for asking.” His hand moved to his now bare ankle rubbing at the red ring. Curtis stood and reached to grasp Matts forearm, bringing him up to a stand.</p><p>This was ritual by now, You and Matt walking ahead just a little, Curtis not far behind. Close enough that should Matt try to put a hand on you, Curtis would snap your brother’s neck. It was a promise he made to Matt when you first started this. Otherwise, Curtis didn’t interfere with your conversation. Most of the time. Your hands were stuffed in your sleeves as you trudged along, your voice optimistic, hopeful that Matt would engage back. “The greenhouses are really thriving Matt, they survived the crash intact for the most past. A bit of the pipework bringing the water in got damaged, but we’ve been regularly melting snow to compensate.”</p><p>“You think You all will be able to keep up with that? Eventually, the water is going to run out. Without the train moving anymore, it’s not gathering any to store in the tanks.” Matt smirked as if he was dropping some devastating news, looking between you and Curtis.</p><p>“Were keeping a close eye on the tanks, and only using that for stuff absolutely necessary. Everything else… well we’re covered in snow.” You kicked at the Frozen snow covering the ground. But he was right, eventually the water would become an issue, just like the power. The whole train was temporary. Eventually they will have to move, see if they can find something more suitable for the group on the outside of one of the cities. Of course, they were estimating where they were on the tracks. Curtis, Edgar, and John having dug through Wilford’s main car a few weeks ago and came across maps. If their estimations are right, they were somewhere in what was once Russia.</p><p>A massive landscape staring at the map. But dotted with cities. All Curtis had to do was convince the council that packing up a small scouting party and seeing if they were near any of the major cities, it would mean more supplies available to them. They had to get off the train, all its resources were going to run out eventually. Wilford never prepared for the Snowpiercer to ever be at a standstill. These worries were settled at the back of Curtis mind, but these walks with Matt, he was sure to remind them of it. Even you sobered a bit after Matts little jibe.</p><p>“We will deal with it when it comes up Matt.” You wanted to reach out, staring at Matt. <em>God, he looked so much like your father, just not the coldness. Your father always so welcoming and open</em>, Matt though sniffed either from the cold or distaste to your answer. “Well, we were able to deal with it till your man insisted on crashing the train. We would certainly not be stranded in the middle of fucking Russia. Couldn’t have planned that a little better Curtis. Crashed us somewhere with resources at least? But you never think ahead, do you Everett. Always just brute Force and no couth, is there anything between those ears?” Matt hissed at him, his rage crossing his face once more.</p><p>Once more he got the best of your temper as he was bad-mouthing Curtis for those few seconds before Curtis could put a stop to Matts ranting, you pushed against your brother’s chest, sending him sprawling in surprise. Curtis actually had to hide a chuckle of surprise himself, but you were furious and snarling at your brother. “Jesus Christ, your just… Cruel all the time, aren’t you. Fuck you, Matt. Curtis, I’m done.” You turned away and brushed past Curtis, in which he shook his head, and went to collect Matt, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pushing him forward. “Ya know, you would think you would learn to at least treat her decent since shes the only one who gives a shit about you and why you’re still alive.”</p><p>Matt snorted as he trudged back through the snow, following your quicker paced form as you reached the outskirts of the camp once more.</p><p>“Maybe it’s time she grew up Curtis, quite thinking that any of us are out for more than ourselves.”</p><p>“Well your certainly proving that to her aren’t you,” Curtis growled as they to reached the outskirts of the camp, the snow here all pounded down from people walking on it all day long. “When that day comes and she gives up on you entirely, what do you think is going to happen to you?” Curtis said darkly, and Matt eerily grinned. “Be the day I end up going free.”</p><p>“We will see about that.” Curtis pushed him back up the stairs and into the darkness of his car once more. Matt plopped on the mattress while Curtis went to lock him back up, Matt watching him closely, and to the open door, debating. Curtis even though he wasn’t looking at him knew his thoughts. “Try it and it won’t end good for you Matt.” <em>Wait, we got to wait… </em>The younger man thought, instead getting himself comfortable. <em>Their guard won’t be up forever.</em></p><p>You just had to get away, even managing friendly conversations was out of your wheelhouse right now, and you stomped back to your room, and slammed the door behind you as if you were a child all over again, grabbing a pillow off the perfectly made bed this morning and sitting on the edge of it, you screamed into it. <em>What was it going to take to get the meanness out of Matt?! </em>You have done nothing but be good to him short of letting him go free, had even managed to get Curtis to reluctantly agreed that if there was any change, they would see about giving him a bit more freedom. But nothing you tried softened him. Nothing. Ripping off your jacket and hat, you shoved them away into the chair when you sat down, and you just suddenly felt drained. All over, like it all just seeped from you.</p><p>Sighing, you lift your hands and rub at your face, glancing up at the picture hanging above the door. That made you smile, thinking back on earlier when Curtis hung it up for you. Maybe it’s not all bad, and you shrug off the negativity being around your brother brings on you. Changing into something not as warm, you decide the best way to spend the rest of the day was helping in the greenhouse, and maybe the kitchen. Things would be okay, you were doing more than surviving, you all were actually living.</p><p>When you left the car and headed towards the greenhouse, you didn’t even glance at the car that held Matt, giving it a wide berth, entering the greenhouse, immediately the earthy smell the plants gave off was as good to you as feeling the sun on your face. A musty heaviness of dirt, greenery, and water. All over the labors of the past few weeks showed with healthy trees bearing apples, bright and red. Green sprouts of leaves down rows and rows, all edible. Even now one of the people who worked the kitchen was picking bundles, piling them in her apron. “How do you know what is ready?” You asked, wandering down the aisle while piling your hair behind your head and trying it off.</p><p>“Easy child.” The older worker said, holding out a leaf that was full and vibrant for you to take. “Go ahead, taste it.” You ripped off a piece of it and slipped it in your mouth, when the tender leaf crushed between your teeth, vibrant fresh bitterness flooded your mouth, your taste buds still getting used to food. “When these bunches are all full like this, it’s meant to be picked.”</p><p>“What is this?” Unable to help yourself, you ripped off another piece and chewed on it, getting the same overwhelming effect from before. “Kale. I will sautee this just a bit in some marrow, and put it in a soup for the camp today. Shave off some of that meat off a hock in the freezer, add those new baby potatoes we have at the end.” The older woman continued on, bringing you to where the rows of potatoes were hidden from view, her fingers digging into the dirt and dragging up the bulbs, shaking the dirt off them. “We get enough of them, and you have yourself a meal.”</p><p>You dug your fingers into the moist wet dirt, the sensation oddly familiar and weird, bringing back memories of planting flowers with your mother in the front of the house. The woman watched her with interest, taking in your reaction to it all. “Yer from the back, aren’t ya?” You nodded slightly, and carefully brushed off the dirt encasing the baby potatoes. “Yes, one of the tail enders who came up with Curtis.”</p><p>“Ahh, yes. Thought you looked familiar. What your man did letting us go took a lot of guts, not many would have that. Trust me, very few of us have much to thank Wilford for or have any reason to give him loyalty. My name is Tess by the way.”</p><p>“It was touch and go, but it was the right thing to do. We can’t start living a new life following the old ways.” You shrugged and Tess smiled at your words, her wrinkles lining around her eyes deepening.</p><p>“Like hearing wisdom come right out of the babes mouth. I could use your help if you don’t mind. Getting this camp fed is a couple people process, It’s my turn to water but I got to get this all started up. Feeding all these people is a lot different than just cooking for Wilford.” She continued placing potatoes in her apron. “all-day process, and the only way we don’t burn through what we got stored. You mind watering for me?”</p><p>“Be a pleasure to.” You assured her and you took over where she had left off. Curtis came later to find you, having poked his head in earlier to see you were settled into a project after dealing with Matt, he didn’t want to bother you. But now it was getting late, and after pouring over the maps in what they turned into a meeting space of sorts with the rest of the “council” they formed, passing ideas of where to go, and how to proceed, he was tired. The sky was starting to darken, and spending a quiet evening with you really was all he wanted at this point. Figuring you would be where he had left you, Curtis shrugged off his jacket as he went into the humid car, glancing around, and walking down the aisle, checking the rows till he found you, kneeling while using your hands to churn dirt, snipping off any dead leaves on each individual plant, a small trailer left behind you.</p><p>“There you are… was wondering where you had gotten off to.” Heavy boots thudded the floor and you looked up in surprise. Your hair curling around your temples and a streak of dirt across your forehead, you gave him the sweetest smile that Curtis would have sworn made his heart skip a beat. “You’ve been in here all afternoon, think it’s time we call it a day.” Hand reaching for yours, you hesitate cause yours are dirty, but a wiggle of his fingers, enticed you, and you let him pull you up. “It can’t be that late, it’s still light.”</p><p>“In here, artificial lighting for the plants.” Leading you to a window, you leaned into his side, looking at the way the sky was painted in so many vibrant hues.</p><p>“Alright, maybe I did lose track of time. I only meant to stay in here for a couple hours.” You admitted and he laughed, his arm resting around your waist.</p><p>“Come on, let’s go eat.”</p><p>As becoming another regular was all eating dinners together. Tess would bring out whatever, and those that didn’t have something stored away would come to get a bit of whatever she made that day. Groups of you would sit together, and slowly it was a mingling of people. Today you sat at Curtis’s side, sipping from a cup he brought you, and across from you, Edgar and Yona did the same as you, Yona talking about what she was doing with the kids. The kids, it was hard to think of them as the trains orphans anymore. They simply seemed to just belong to everyone now, no longer separating the train in classes as before.</p><p>“Teach them some manners, the little shites.” Edgar teased Yona, and you nudged your boot against his leg to get his attention.</p><p>“Excuse you, you were no peach either Edgar. Always sassing when you didn’t get your way.” You smirked back at him over your cup as you sipped from it, Yona giggling at his side, and he narrowed his eyes at You. “I was a great kid! I listened. Kinda.”</p><p>“Right. Just as good as you listen now.” Curtis laughed deeply, moving to get up, and held out a hand to take the emptied dishes to bring them back to the kitchen. You moved to a kneel, beckoning Edgar to turn around. “Let me look at your back, see how that scar is healing.” Pushing himself from the wall, he twisted, and hiked the back of his shirt up. You leaned in closer, tracing around it for a moment. “Sore any? It looks really good, considering what happened.”</p><p>He pulled away and tugged his shirt down, giving a roll of his shoulder. Whenever the matter of his scar came up, he would go quiet. “It’s a'right. Tender once in a while, especially when hauling stuff.”</p><p>“Yea, you probably should have waited to do the cleanup.”</p><p>“Well, it had to be done.” He stated, and Yona next to him frowned slightly studying him. But Curtis coming back distracted them from the conversation, and you yawned, pushing to a stand.</p><p>“Doesn’t matter if it had to be done, still should have waited. Night.” Biding your goodbye to your companions, a hot shower sounded excellent, and Curtis came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your middle.</p><p>“You okay?” a soft kiss was pressed just at the hollowed curve of your neck, and you let your hands weave over the top of his around your stomach. “Yea, just super tired suddenly. Been feeling this way most of the day. I’m sure it’s nothing. “</p><p>He lifted his head and frowned hearing that. “You sure you shouldn’t go see Price? Could be something.” You turned just as you reached the door, and pulled yourself in close against him with a fist of your hands in his shirt, leaning up to tease your lips against his. “Handsome, I’m fine. Tired is all… I promise.” Blue eyes looked slightly doubtful, but he relented and the two of you went into the room.</p><p>“Would you tell me if you thought otherwise?” Curtis locked the door while you started stripping out of the dirtied clothing to escape into the bathroom. Curtis caught just a glimpse of your backside, and inhaled sharply. No sex for the past month and half was starting to in ways he didn’t care for. But it didn’t matter, there was no way in hell he was going to try anything until you were ready. Instead, he set about taking off his boots, sitting on the edge of the bed to untie them, make himself comfortable.</p><p>In the bathroom, you turned on the water and slipped in before it got hot. Not wanting to waste any water, and tipped your head back to moisten your hair, and start scrubbing it, getting the dirt and sweat out from earlier. Then getting ready to wash your body, you looked down and saw red swirling by your feet. Your hands start roaming over your body quickly without thinking, a panicked cry out. “Curtis!” You twist in the shower, looking behind you to see if your cut anywhere and it hits you.</p><p>
  <em>You had your period. If came… You weren’t pregnant.</em>
</p><p>And that moment relief flooded you so intensely, you slid to the floor of the tub, somewhere between a cry and laugh of relief, Curtis burst into the bathroom, in response to you calling his name. “Y/M?! Baby, you okay?” He opened the curtain to find you sitting on the bottom, and immediately scanned you going to his knees. Cupping your face as you had it pressed to your knees, making you lift up to look at him. Your body shaking slightly under his hold. “What is wrong?” and that’s when he caught the bit of red escaping down the drain. “Fuck, where are you hurt?” He is shifting you forward and you finally regain yourself enough to put a stop to him.</p><p>“I’m fine, I’m okay. Turn the water off and hand me a towel?” You ask and he reached over to turn it off, worried eyes finding you again and his hands seeking to look for whatever was causing you to bleed, but you grab his hands to make him focus on you. “It came Curtis. I’m not pregnant.”</p><p>His face is just stunned, his shirt half clinging to him from where he had leaned into the spray to check on you, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the way he looked, blinking water out of his face before he repeated what you said. “You’re not pregnant…?” the realization flooded his expression to relief and you nodded with a grin. “You’re not pregnant!” He repeated and drew you into his arms, hugging each other out of relief. “Oh Babygirl, thank god. Are you okay?” He leaned back to look at you, and moved to get up and grab a towel, holding it open for you. Pulling yourself to a stand, you step into it, feeling prominently better then you had since you were raped.</p><p>“Relief Curtis, I just feel light as air. I didn’t know what we were going to do if I was.” You pressed your face into his chest, breathing in deeply while he rubbed your back through the towel.</p><p>“We would have done everything we could, just like for any other child,” Curtis assured you, thanking everything under the moon and stars though that you weren’t made to go through that as well as everything else that had happened. You mumbled in his chest, and lifted your face to look up at him. “I will go see Price in the morning, just to be sure.”</p><p>“Thank you.” Curtis kissed your forehead and let his hands cup your face, kissing you in that slow way that made your heart flutter, you opened to him, your tongue sliding with his and a soft moan between you two. Curtis pulled back and let his forehead rest against yours, his hands had fallen to your hips and his fingers flexed through the terry cloth. “You better get dressed Babygirl.” Both your eyes closed, merely breathing in each other before he moved to kiss your forehead and released you.</p><p>Curtis left you to pull on a large tee, it swept well down your thighs that you’ve been sleeping in as we as well as a pair of panties with a liner, brushing all your hair out, and debating about putting it up, you recalled that Curtis loved your long hair. Spreading it around your shoulders, you brush it out more till it’s soft waves were shining, and once you checked to make sure any mess was gone. Flicking off the switch you came into the room being dark, Curtis sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to get in since you always slept against the wall. When he saw you, his hands opened up and you happily stepped into them, resting your cheek against the top of his head.</p><p>Nuzzling against your ribcage for a moment, and his hands sliding up and down along your sides, you let your fingers slide through the back of his head, and along his neck. “Today was a good day, right?” You ask softly while lifting your head to look at him. Your hands settled on his bare shoulders. Curtis lifted his head just a bit and looked up at you, flattening his hands against the small of your back and pulling you in closer. “It was a good day Babygirl.” His hands lightly pressed against the back of your thighs and you shifted to straddle him, letting your forehead rest against his. “Even with everything that happened today, it was a good day.” His arm tightened around you and shifted back with a slight roll so he could lay you down and shifted to his side next to you.    </p><p>Loping an arm around your hip and kissing your shoulder, you slid in closer to his heat while he dragged the blankets that was collected. You felt him relax under your fingers playing in his hair, and although you didn’t fall into the same lull that he did, his breathing turned shallower, soft snores rolling from his chest. Twisting to your side, his hand instinctively tightened around you, but you weren’t going anywhere. Your gaze was able to follow the lines of his face from the window right behind your head, casting the room in a silver glow. Your thoughts drifted.</p><p>You were lucky, You knew it. Curtis had been with you since practically you came on the train, kept you alive and safe. You’ve done what you could to show your love back over the years, but you knew in this you wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for him. Even these past few weeks, surviving through the revolt, he didn’t even realize it was coming back to him that saved her from the attackers. Everyone was so focused on surviving, they forgot why they survived.</p><p>If it wasn’t for Curtis, they would be wasted away in the darkness, a forgotten memory of a past life.</p><p>And he never asked for anything in return. Not really. Not even during this time where you were slowly opening back up did he push for me. And another day, another time you would have fallen into that mind-frame that he no longer wanted you. But you knew better, just that morning you happened to see him relieving himself in the shower, barely catching whispers of your name, just under the sounds of his grunts. You knew he was trying to be quiet, not wanting to pressure you.</p><p>A soft shift and your name brought you out of your thoughts, and Curtis was leaning on his elbow, blue eyes searching your face. “What’s on your mind Babygirl?” he had expected you to deal with some conflicting emotions since finding out that you were not pregnant, but you just looked at him with a soft expression, leaning into him and kissing him deeply, your hands clutching his shoulders and leaning back, bringing him along, and the kisses turned more feverish. Curtis groaned against your lips and down along your jawline, hissing softly against your neck. “Are you sure?” His head lifted, his hands cupping your face to search you for any doubt, any sign that you didn’t want him to touch you and make love to you.</p><p>Your hands splayed over his chest raised just above you, spreading your fingers through the crisp dark scattering of hair and hummed softly in appreciation of the feeling against your palms, nodding. “Please Curtis… I miss you. But I’m scared.”</p><p>His head tilted and those kisses against your neck went to your face, each one a well placed soft brushed of lips warming you. “scared of what Babygirl?”</p><p>“What-what if I’m broken?” Your brows furrowed, and your fingers eased to his back, tracing along the flexing of muscles.</p><p>“Babygirl, you’re not broken. I promise.” Curtis rubbed along your hip under your shirt. “But there’s no rush Y/N.”</p><p>Your eyes roamed him and then your hands folded into your shirt and you pulled it off, letting it fall off the end on the bed.</p><p>“Show me.” You lean back into the pillows, and then Curtis shifted, wide shoulders blocking out the rest of the room as he leaned over you, leaving you gasping underneath him. Tilting your head back to give him access to your neck, outside, the stars.</p><p>There were so many stars and those desired kisses on your neck, his calloused hand sliding along your skin.</p><p>Your breathing came out in rushes, the stars going blurry in your vision. Curtis’s hand grasped your chin lightly and made you look at him. </p><p>“Babygirl, I got you. Your safe.”</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. To Good To Be True</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You are ready to be intimate with Curtis again after the assault. Edgar is told something from the past that shocks him, makes his world come crashing down. Warnings- Sex, mentions of assault, talks of cannibalistic survival, violence. NSFW.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <b>“Babygirl, I got you. Your safe.”</b>
</p><p>Curtis was sure to pause, wait until the panicked ebbed from your eyes and you started to visibly relaxed underneath him, and although your eyes wide staring back up at him said you were afraid, he could see it ebbing from your face, even where his hand rubbed at your waist, you seemed to lose tension. “All you have to do is ask me to stop, and that’s where it ends, okay?”</p><p>You give him a wide-eyed nod, and he lifted up enough to press his lips against yours, his voice soft against them. “I need to hear you say it Babygirl.”</p><p>Your hands, they seemed to have a mind of there own as they curled around his biceps and you let yourself forget the weight of another, but that it was Curtis’s slim hips pressing slightly against you and Curtis’s heavy masculine weight just pressing into you, not crushing as your previous experience had been, but grounding. If you think his name enough, then your assault will no longer have control over you. Your voice hovers in your throat, and he held himself still waiting, his hand still stroking you till you could focus on that alone. Comfort, soothing. Hands that never brought you any pain.</p><p>Even the callouses on his fingertips and palms were familiar to you, you’ve felt these hands a hundred times before and will continue to do so as long as you want to. You had nothing to be afraid of. Your fear that was locking your throat eased back, enabling you to answer him. “I will, Curtis.” Tilting back up to press your lips harder against his, and his tongue trailed the seam of your lips till you parted from him, and his tongue explored you, intimately.</p><p>A stroke to the roof of your mouth had you tipping up further for him, slow, sensuous strokes to have your own following along the underside of his till he tilted his head, slotting close to take your soft moans that started to rise from you. A hand grasped your waist for a moment until it eased it’s hold, shifting enough so that there was room between the two of you, his hand rubbing against your lower belly, where you would grow hot. He knew how you liked to be touched, as familiar with you as you were with him. Curtis’s fingers danced along the band of your panties, and followed the seam to between your legs, just brushing fingers at your clothed core.</p><p>Doing nothing more than stroking the cloth, Curtis could feel the dampness building, and lifted from your lips, to watch your head fall back to the pillow, your eyes haze’s as they looked up at him, your breathing turning more rugged, like drawing in the air was the last thing you were remembering you needed to do. “Feel Good Babygirl?” Curtis asked, and you gave a nod, spreading your legs a bit further for him.</p><p>Hitching a finger into the lining and pressing aside, he was sure to keep his touches light, still feeling the occasional quivering roll through you. The pad of his finger slides up and down, working between the folds into your warmth, gathering slick and spreading it to your clit, and along the outside of your folds. “Mmmmh, you feel really good to me Babygirl, your so wet and welcoming.” His finger swirled around that tiny bud, making you jolt your hips and whine out in a needy way. “Curtis, again please.” Your fingers traveled to interlace at the back of his neck, and he obliged, watching her face contort in the pleasure as he rolled her clit with just that right amount of pressure he knew was your undoing.</p><p>Now the quivers in your legs weren’t from anything other than the feeling he was building in you, one lifting to hook around him. It was hard for the man, how badly he wanted to just sink into you, knowing just how good you would feel clenching around his member, the way your hands would scramble till they found the hold they wanted with your cries telling the world you were coming undone for him.</p><p>That you were only for him. Not anyone else, not the filthy fuckers that tried to use you before and break you until you were a shell of his girl.</p><p>It all became overwhelming to him in that moment, watching you as his fingers continued to make you tilt your head back into the pillow and roll your body, saying his name in a lovely chant to keep him with you. He dropped to covers your lips, muffled your cries as he let a finger start to press into you.</p><p>And that’s when your eyes shot open and you started to freeze, your fingers curling into the back of his neck, and he stopped. All his movements froze right along with you, “Y/N, Babygirl, come back to me.” Curtis moved enough to try to catch your hollowed eyes, and they suddenly filtered back to his face, and you took a deep breath. “I’m here.”</p><p>He was getting ready to stop the whole thing, and just entice you to go to sleep, but you shook your head and tugged lightly at his hair you’re managed to be able to fist in your hand, “Keep going, it’s okay. I’m with you, I trust you. Let’s keep going.” He looked like he was still going to pull away when you leaned up to nudge your nose against his own, breathing out softly. “Please? I need this.”</p><p>Searching your eyes, Curtis gave a soft nod and let his lips settle against your neck, whispering between kisses. “Do you know how strong you are Babygirl? A fucking warrior. I never would be here without you.” While saying this, he continued letting his finger stroke your channel, slowly working you open with gentle presses and strokes. “That’s my good girl.” he mummers as his beard gently scratches along your collarbone, lips still soft with the tip of his tongue gracing patterns in your skin. You start clutching around him, sliding your hands down from the back of his neck to his shoulders.</p><p>It felt better then you had remembered. Your mind so clouded with your last experience, that all the ways he was working your body in the way Curtis was so intimate with, made you moan out loudly. Clearing out those memories from before in this moment. Rocking your body into his hand as he pumped you for a few moments, Curtis pulled out to add another. “I still got you Baby” You vaguely heard him, arching a bit to rub yourself against him, but he pressed himself against you to lower back into the mattress, giving you that weight and friction you’re craving against your stomach and open thighs.</p><p>It was a sight for Curtis, watching as you rocked underneath him as much as he allowed you to, your head tilted back to expose your throat, seeing how you gasped and dropped your mouth open trying to drag in some air. The corner of his mouth curved upwards, pressing lips back along your collarbone, and back up your neck, he could feel you squeezing and flexing around his fingers, moving so his thumb could roll and slide up and down your clit. “Curtis! Oh god.” You pressed up against him once more, and he let the warmth of his breath husk against your ear. “Come for me Babygirl, let me see you feel good.” You started panting, twisting your head to meet him, whimpering as you rocked onto his palm again, his fingers expertly stroking against your g-spot. “Come on Baby, feel good for me again.”</p><p>You nodded and cried into his mouth, clenching around his fingers and straining your thighs against his ribs from where he was draped between you. A hand came up, lightly brushing your hair back, and holding the back of your head as he kissed across your face. “Beautiful baby.” Lowering you to the pillow, slowly letting his fingers spread your slick around you, he loosened your thighs grasping him and say back, just admiring the way you looked, your body quivering and you weren’t hiding away or trying to become small, curling in on yourself.</p><p>Blinking up at him, Curtis was bathed in a soft glow from the window above your head, your eyes went from his pleased expression and down, it had been a while since you really just appreciated his physically, hiding that from your thoughts but now, still on a high from a few moments ago, you couldn’t help but take in the broad shoulders and his wide chest with the trail of hair that led down his belly in a tempting path. The pants he wore were slung low, that sharp V cutting into him, made you whimper softly, and he chuckled, watching you pull at your fingers to keep from reaching out. “Do you see something you like Babygirl?”</p><p>Your eyes shoot up and you feel heat warming your cheeks at being caught staring at him, never really been able to do that before in the dark of the tail end. He quirked a smile and leaned over you, letting a hand slide up your side and cup a breast, leaning his head down to lap at the nipple before sucking it into his mouth to roll and tug on it slightly till you said his name. “Yes, Curtis I was. Fuck do that again.” You clutched your fingers into the sheets beneath you and he did as you asked before popping his head back up, his blue eyes twinkling a bit as he stated. “Don’t worry, I was to Babygirl. Can’t keep my eyes off you when your like this.” He returned to give the same treatment to your other breast, making you squirm a bit, and give a giggling moan. “I missed this and you.” Your hands moved to the front of his pants, and he lightly grasped her wrist, lifting enough to kiss your lips.</p><p>“I missed you to Y/N, but don’t feel bad if you ask me to stop, okay?” He loosened his hold and let you decide from there. Nodding, you wriggled his sweats down over his ass and down his legs. “Take them off Curtis, all the way.” Your eyes remained on his face, and he kicked his legs, finishing pushing them off while you reached between the two of you and took his throbbing member in your hands. His face contorted at the slight squeeze, gliding upwards, your fingertips tracing over the throbbing member. Part of you made your heart flutter in a small panic at his size, his girth. But the more important part took pleasure in seeing him clench his jaw and hiss in pleasure, how he had to close his eyes for a second feeling your fingers wrap around him. Your thumb swirling over his cocks head, and then back down  exploring, feeling that steady throb. Taking his balls into your palm, adding to his pleasure, you can tell he likes it by the way he pumped into your hand. “Babygirl, I’m not going to last if you keep that up.” He finally grunted, out and lifted his head to look at you, clearly trying not to get to carried away, but you would swear the way his eyes looked into yours, that he was happy at your boldness in touching him.</p><p>Wriggling underneath him till your comfy, and hooking a leg over his back, you pressed him against your entrance and nodded. “No more teasing Handsome.” You promised and he moved to his elbows along each side of your head, while he eased himself into you, and your leg tightened around his back in response as you wrapped your arms around his neck to hold on, breathing out. Fuck it felt good, the way he stretched you open, quick to lift your other leg to hold onto him. His hand moved to cup your face, and kiss you deeply at the first roll of his hips, nudging himself against you. It wasn’t fast, or hard, there was no rush in the way he rolled against you, just brushing his cock through your flexing channel. Soft whimpers escaped against his lips, open-mouthed and breathing heavily against one another and then deep kisses while inhaling each other’s moans and hungry sighs.</p><p>Curtis broke away, his mouth finding purchase down your neck, as his hips rocked against you again, which started to meet him, his upwards grind pressing against your pelvic bone and clit, a trigger for another urgent “again, please, more Curtis.” Your bodies rocking against each other, working together in a slow dance and his arm slid around your waist, angling your hips upwards and giving a slow roll, making you gasp and clutch his back while you arched sharply, “Oh fuck.”</p><p>Curtis watched as your eyes rolled back, your mouth turning into a O of surprise and your body locking tight with a quiver. He gave that slow deep roll again, you were so fucking tight around him that it was hard to keep control, wanting to rut his cock hard till he spilled, but he held back, ready to pull away when it got to be to much. To watch you though start to dance that edge into your orgasm, your nails making deep half-moon marks where you grasped his back, the soft mewling noises driving him crazy.</p><p>“Baby… please tell me your close,” Curtis said roughly, and you nodded urgently, rocking back to meet him again when your room burst in soft green, making you gasp in surprise. Another roll of his hips and reassuring whispers from Curtis “Fuck Baby! Just like that, so good how tight you are.” Your gaze fell to him, and the soft glow shimmered across his face, making his features sharp. The tendons in his neck sharp as pleasure riddled through him, full lips and dark beard that you had come to appreciate, the wisp of freckles across his nose, and the bluest crystal clear eyes you’ve seen coming through the green shimmers in the room, “Come for me baby, please”</p><p>It was enough, under the sky showing you one of the truest wonders of nature, you came undone in his arms, your crying his name while you withered and squeezed around him to milk his cock, and the moment he tried to pull away from you, you refused to let go, locking your arms and legs around him, and he shuddered against you, rolling deeper as you flexed around him. “Babygirl, you have to let me go, I can’t stop it…” His voice groaned out against your shoulder as he tried to still himself, and you buried into him.</p><p>“I don’t want you to. Don’t leave me.” You wanted him, and weren’t willing to sacrifice the moment by him pulling out, willing to take that chance. You had to forget, that feeling your assaulters made your body remember. Replace it, recall this moment, this feeling, full of Curtis, safe in his arms, right where you belonged. And he didn’t try to fight out of your hold, his ruts turning more demanding, his face screwing up and head dropping as he eased himself enough to hover over you, and chasing his own orgasm, fill you with his seed with his own roaring cry, as he sank into you that final time spilling himself. Curtis collapsed into pleasured oblivion for a few moments, cause fuck if this wasn’t the best thing he’s ever felt, just being buried in you, and letting himself go.</p><p>This was the first time he had ever let himself release in you, and to say that bliss feeling wash over him wasn’t a high all on its own for him would be an understatement. Sinking down, you let your thighs loosen till they were relaxed and your hands slid from that tight grasp in his muscles downwards to his lower back, rubbing softly while your face was tucked into the crook of his neck, just feeling him slowly loosen around you. Closing your eyes, his heavier body was pressing you into the mattress, but it felt good, being able to feel Curtis come down from his high, the soft groan as he slowly came back around, and he rose back to his elbows, his chest pulling off yours, his hand coming up to brush some of your hair back from your face.</p><p>“Fuck you were beautiful, watching you come for me.” Placing a soft kiss to your lips, he pulled out and shifted off of you to get comfortable once again. You rolled to your side to face him, and his thumb smoothed along your brow, smoothing it out. “What are you thinking Babygirl?”</p><p>Your hands reached up and took his, weaving your fingers together. “First… How much I missed being with you Curtis. Missed this, these moments where it’s just us, nothing between us.” You smiled softly, and he lifted your hands, kissing against the knuckles. You started to blink back tears, getting a bit overwhelmed with how it was all crashing on you just then, and your voice cracked at the next part. “Then I was also thinking how different it all was going to be, but it wasn’t Curtis, it wasn’t any different, and I’m not broken.”</p><p>Curtis couldn’t help the way his own eyes filled hearing the relief in your tone, the way you were just breaking with him. Letting go of your hands, he pulled you closer to him, and you sunk your face into your chest, your tears warm against him as your body shook in a few broken sobs. Finally letting more of it go. He let his hands soothe against your back, his lips pressed to the top of your head till you pulled back, red-rimmed eyes looking up at him. “I would have waited as long as you need baby, but I promise your not broken. I’m glad you finally see that, your still my girl regardless of what happens.”</p><p>The two of you settled in for some rest, your fingers trailing up and down his chest lightly as your head laid on his shoulder, the northern lights still dancing in the window behind your bed, and while you feel asleep, Curtis watched out the window with a slightly tilted head, recalling how you came right when they appeared, lighting up the room so nothing was truly hidden from you two. </p><p>
  <em>Maybe it’s a sign things are going to get better…  </em>
</p><p>Edgar was waiting in the kitchen that morning, lost a bit in thought while some food was being put together for Matt. It had stuck with him for weeks Matt’s parting words shortly after he was locked up.</p><p>
  <em>“How much do you really know about your precious ‘leader of the tail end’ ?”</em>
</p><p>And he had left it at that. But they stayed in Edgar’s mind, what the fuck did he even mean with that? Edgar known Curtis his entire life, and there was nothing hidden in the tail end. Everyone was up in each other’s business, whether they liked it or not. A clang of a tray brought Edgar back, looking down at the mess of food tossed on. “What is this?” He dunked the spoon in and lifted it to sniff it, and taste it. Surprisingly it wasn’t all that bad.</p><p>“Its called a stew, been going all night, and y'all can have some later.” Tess knocked the spoon out of Edgar’s hand and he rubbed at it.</p><p>“Ow, really necessary? God damn.” He muttered while picking up the tray, Tess, waved a spoon at him, narrowing her eyes at him. “Now don’t you go eating that. He may be the prisoner now, but we’re not gonna starve no one.” </p><p>Edgar gave a grin as he pretended to lift the spoon up and she tossed a hand towel at him, which he ducked out of the line of fire, laughing. “Course Tess! I wouldn’t do such a thing.”  </p><p>He proceeding towards the car that was being used to house Matt still. Johanna sat with the door open, letting in a bit of fresh air into the car when Edgar arrived.</p><p>“You mind if I slip over to the kitchen for a bite myself while your here Edgar?” She pushed off the floor and stretched to get the kinks out. “Long night sitting here while he’s sleeping, and I can use a pick me up.”  </p><p>“Sure, I got him till your done. Should be about time for the next shifts anyways.” He held out his hand for the keys, and stuffed them in his jacket pocket while Johanna handed off the rifle they used with each shift change. Edgar propped it against the wall and shut the door as Johanna left. “Hey, git yer ass up, got you some food.” Edgar was careful to approach the homemade bed Matt used, and shoved the tray over, moving back and out of the man’s reach. Matt grunted, rolling to his side, to see the steaming bowl, and moved to sit up, ignoring Edgar for now and pulled the tray closer.</p><p>“Ahh Tess’s stew, the best there is.” Holding the bowel in his palms, he blew on it and took his first few bites while Edgar made himself comfortable, slipping off his jacket, and draping it over his knees, watching as Matt continued with drinking some of the liquid off the top. “Y’all should be thankful that she didn’t die in the sabotage. Fucking Curtis doesn’t deserve this.”</p><p>Edgar didn’t bite back at his remark like he usually did. Matt’s words echoing again, Edgar cleared his throat, broaching the subject. “Few weeks ago, when you were brought here, you asked me what did I know about Curtis. What the fuck did you mean with that.”</p><p>Matt looked up from his bowl, using a finger to run along the edge and suck on his finger, smirking. “What, having some issues, are you? Curtis cracking under the pressure of taking care of everyone?”</p><p>Scowling at him, Edgar rolled his eyes, and glared across the car at him. “No, in fact, best we’ve ever been. Why I’m wondering why you’re saying that kinda shit at all, to be honest.” Matt set his bowl back on the tray and pushed it back over. “Come on Edgar, use your fucking brain. You heard the rumors, the stories surrounding the back end, and Curtis. What are they?”</p><p>Edgar gave a shrug, and casually repeated the rumors he had heard over the years, the ones he scoffed at cause there’s no way in hell any of it happened. “They didn’t feed the tail-enders when they first came on. Soon out of desperation people started to kill and eat each other. Until one day Gilliam made the ultimate sacrifice, cutting off his arm and giving it to the people. Fucking made-up man, I asked Gilliam himself and he told me that never happened, that his limbs got infected and had to be amputated by your parents.”</p><p>“Well fuck Edgar, they aren’t going to tell you the truth. That whole place is Lies just to survive. You didn’t think Gilliam was working for the front end, Wilford’s friend. But guess what, nightly phone conversations. I was there, I heard them all. Talking about all of you, what you were up to, who’s fucking who, who’s planning what. Curtis, freak fucking accident. He was supposed to be killed at the tunnel. Funny though, you seemed to ALMOST take his place there. Let you get sacrificed.” Matt could see the doubt crossing Edgars face at that, and laid it on thicker. “Who knows Edgar, I mean… for all I know, Curtis was originally working for Wilford to. Lost his God damn mind, before it all went as it was supposed to. Curtis was offered to come up front you know. Almost took it to.” Matt smug when he said this, Edgar’s gaze flashing in horror.</p><p>“He wouldn’t, he hated Wilford with everything he had.” Edgar shot back to defend the man.</p><p>Matt scoffed, picking at his shirt and sneering. “Really? Cause as soon as Curtis was offered Y/N to come up to join him, he just about caved. So close, he was that close to taking it. Having the girl, living up front with us.”</p><p>“Lying fucker you are. Now I know you’re full of shit. Y/N wouldn’t ever come up to live in the front end.”</p><p>Nodding Matt sighed. “I’m afraid in that your right, not willingly anyway. But she could have been forced into it. Y/N never was the brightest woman there was. She cuddles right up to that murdering fucker the minute she could. I always figured it was a protection move. My sister is pretty, is she not? By tail end standards. She is an easy target.”</p><p>“Your fucking sick, that is your sister your talking about like you don’t even care.”</p><p>“Your right, I don’t. She barely tried to get me back when I was first taken. Know who else didn’t care Edgar?” Matt grinned coldly, finally prepared to drop the latest bit of information he had. “Curtis didn’t care when he stabbed your mother right in the stomach. Dropped her and took you right from her arms as she laid, bleeding out all over the floor. He didn’t care, took you, and you know why?” Matt leaned forward a bit, saying it as calm as if they were discussing everyday matters. “Cause according to people like Curtis, little babies like you were, tasted better.”</p><p>Edgar paled hearing Matt, and whispered darkly. “Your lying. He didn’t kill my mom. She died due to complications having me.”</p><p>“Yea, that’s what everyone told you cause probably half of them didn’t want to admit that they ATE HER.” Matt shook his head at the man’s denial. “You’ve seen that nasty scar on Curtis’s arm? Where he tried to cut off his own arm to offer because of the fucking guilt at gutting your mother. Y/N fixed him up by the way.” Matt toyed with the chain next, trying to take some of the pressure off his ankle. “Probably only reason his arm got saved. She didn’t help your poor Momma though Edgar. Nah, she watched as a whole group of people swarmed over her to finish her while Curtis carried you away, the knife still hot dripping your mother’s blood. Drip… Drip… Drip.”</p><p>Edgar sprang up, his jacket sprawling across the floor. “STOP! STOP WITH IT!” He was pointing a finger at Matt, who just blinked at him, shrugging.</p><p>“Sorry Man, but it’s all true. What have I got to lie about? I’m already chained the fuck up, probably for life. I mean, I’ve done some bad stuff for Wilford. But to eat someone, how fucking sick do you have to be?”</p><p>Edgar paced, back and forth, the look of horror plastering on his face as it started to really click into place. All those years he would question about his mother, the way Curtis would look at him and then away like a slap in the face, everyone would just say “oh she just died" with no further details. His gut clenched and bile rose up his throat. Making his eyes burn and his chest heave as he tried to get enough air to breathe through the way his mind was racing.</p><p>“Wanna know the worst part?” Matt said and Edgar stopped in his tracks, listening to what he had to say. “He didn’t even need to kill her. The next day they brought the protein bars, handed them out, they weren’t even finished processing her.”</p><p>Edgar lost it, he wrenched that door open and shot outside, leaving Matt all alone, with an ajar door, a rifle, and Edgar’s coat, which had the keys stuffed inside.</p><p>Shifting to crawl across the floor, Matt picked up the coat and feeling them found his prize, pulling them out and sorting through them till he found the key to his ankle, opening it and rubbing at the raw skin.</p><p>
  <em>It pays to be fucking patient.</em>
</p><p>Curtis rolled to his back, and stretched, you were right beside him on your stomach, sliding over with a murmur and pressing your face into his chest, hiking a leg over his hip. Dropping his hand to your head, he let his fingers slide through your hair and look down at you. “You awake Babygirl?”</p><p>It took a few moments, but you finally sighed with a contended “Yes, I guess we should wake up?” You look up at him, and he chuckles, shrugging. “Only if you want to, I would lay here with you all day if you wanted to.” He said honestly, and you grinned, moving to prop yourself up on an elbow and give a kiss good morning, taking a glance outside at the shimmering white snow being lightened up with a rising sun all orange and pink in the sky till a little later when it would go baby blue.</p><p>“I know you would, but we have a lot to do in the greenhouse from what Tess told me. And I don’t want to miss out on any of it.” You crawled over Curtis, straddling him for a moment, and cupping his face, kissing him deeply, letting your forehead pressed against his. “Thank you, for helping me last night. I love you, very much.”</p><p>“Catching him by surprise at your open affection, he rubbed along your back, and down to your hips. “Thank you for trusting me.” You finished sliding off to pick up some of the scattered clothing and getting changed, Curtis sat on the edge of the bed, and was just getting his pants on when the door of the small room was slammed open, and Edgar stormed in, making Curtis shoot up in shock, and you screamed in surprise, yelling out as you tugged the shirt over your head. “What the hell Edgar?! Don’t you-“ you never get to finish as Edgar reared a fist back and shot it right into Curtis unsuspecting face making him stagger back and turn away. “WHAT THE HELL!” Curtis shouted in surprise as his hands flew to his busted lip.</p><p>The younger man full-on tackled him then, the two scuffling around the room, Curtis trying to block kicks and wild punches, shocked and not wanting to his Edgar back. You’re doing your best to stay out of the way of these two huge men crashing around the room while screaming at Edgar to stop. Curtis managed to catch one of his hands flying at his face, when Edgar shocked him with a fist to his chest, knocking him back against the wall, and a kick made him double on himself. You hit against Edgar, knocking him out the door, screaming at him. “Are you fucking insane?!” Dropping to your knees, and trying to get Curtis to loosen his fetal position.</p><p>“Insane?! I’m not insane. Know what I just found out? Curtis killed my Mom to EAT ME when I was a baby.” Edgar wiped at some blood running from the corner of his mouth and tipped his head to spit out the mouthful. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you Y/N?” You could feel Curtis coming back around, uncurling, and pushing to sit up.</p><p>“Edgar, I-” Curtis started and Edgar roared out at him. “DONT! Don’t you fucking dare make some lame-ass excuse. Matt was right, wasn’t he? That scar on your arm, half the people missing limbs. There were no infections, you all ate people. Killed them and ate them. Killed my defenseless mom!”</p><p>Curtis let his head hang in defeat, cause it was the truth, and you’re kneeling next to him. “Edgar, please, you have to calm down.”</p><p>“Calm down? CALM DOWN? Fucking hell Y/N, were you a part of it too? Help him gut her?” Edgar snarled and seemed about to descend on them, which Curtis’s arm swept you back behind him, glaring at Edgar.</p><p>“Don’t you touch her. Beat on me all you want, but don’t you lay a fucking hand on her. She had nothing to do with it.” Curtis groaned and you stayed back, feeling the tension in his hand grasped against you. The thumps of footsteps could be heard, and Edgar spit out a mouthful of pink spittle once more, landing near Curtis.</p><p>“Don’t worry Curtis, I wouldn’t DREAM of hurting someone you cared for and loved. What do you take me for, You?” Edgar turned away, disappearing from sight when John appeared in the doorway, looking at the state of the room and you two still on the floor.</p><p>“We heard yelling, are you two okay? What happened? I saw Edgar leave.”</p><p>“Were fine John, just give us a few please,” Curtis said, and the man nodded, closing the door once more for privacy. Once it was just you two, you reached out to rest your hand on Curtis’s shoulder.</p><p>“Curtis, he’s just upset and when we can tell him all of it-“ You started but Curtis pushed away from you, moving to a stand.</p><p>“Tell him what Y/N? He knows, and nothing he said was a lie. I did that, and I was going to do that.” He grabbed his boots and started to shove on socks before shoving his feet into them. “Now Edgars always going to wonder who else was involved. There is no way to make him forget what Matt told him.” He reached down, grasping his shirt and tugged it over his head, searching for his beanie, while stuffing it in his pocket. You had no way to rebut what he was saying, it was all correct.</p><p>“Curtis, where are you going? Just let Edgar cool down.”</p><p>“I’m not going to see Edgar, I’m going to see Matt. See what else he filled his head with.” Grabbing his jacket, he shrugged it on, preparing to leave when you grabbed his jacket to stop him.</p><p>“Wait, let me come. I can help you with Matt, he’s not likely to talk to you.”</p><p>“There’s plenty of ways to make him talk.” Circling around, Curtis grabbed your arms and made you back up till you were sitting on the bed the two of you were in not just moments ago, relaxed with one another. “Stay Here Y/N, that’s not a request.”</p><p>Before you could protest, the door slammed shut hard enough to echo the walls, and your mind was still trying to process everything that just happened. Your mind playing catch up and you couldn’t stop the way your chest tightened and your eyes burned as tears threatened to roll. Which they did, cause it was all just wrong again. Things had been going so well for everyone and now, your hands lifted to cover your face as you sobbed into them, and a soft knock was tapped on the door, and it was eased open, Yona taking a step inside. Taking one look at you, she went to sit next to you, her arm easing around your shoulder and the girl tugged you into her. “It will be okay Y/N, trust me in this. It needed to happen.” Yona said softly.</p><p>You looked at the girl, with her soft eyes that looked far wiser then the teenager you knew her to be. “More death and destruction? we left the tail end to get away from that.” </p><p>“Just for now, later you see.” </p><p>You had no idea what she was talking about, but at this moment you were just grateful you weren’t stuck here alone while Curtis went to go drag the information out of Matt, Matt who was locked up and still managing to hurt the people closest to you.</p><p>Maybe it would just be better if you just stopped trying to protect Matt.</p><p>Curtis made his way down the train, passing people who avoided his gaze, not cause of fear of him, but because they to lived through it, done the same thing, and it was guilt riddling there gaze. Curtis paid them no mind as he brushed past the people he risked everything to get them here. His mind was just on one thing.</p><p>Beat the ever-loving hell out of Matt to get whatever else he knew out of him, and maybe spare his life. For You. Although at this point even you might not be able to save him. Just before entering the kitchen, Johanna burst out, her eyes wild and roaming till they caught sight of you. “Curtis! He’s gone, Matts gone! Edgar was watching him, and I don’t know. I got back, the door was wide open, and no one around. I don’t even know how he got out of the chains unless Edgar let him go. I went around with Adam looking for tracks, about four cars up he met up with a group and they hightailed it out of here.” She rushed her words as fast as she could, and it sunk in Curtis who he must have met up with.</p><p>
  <em>Wilford’s ex- men.</em>
</p><p>Snarling, Curtis snapped out. “Get a group together, were going after them.” Johanna nodded, and went to gather some of there stronger people and Curtis, went to find Edgar.</p><p>He wouldn’t have just let him go, not after everything, but now… Curtis wasn’t so sure.  </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Dragging Up The Past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Summary- 8.1k Curtis x You. Matt’s escaped and Curtis goes with a team to search for them. You figure you could talk to Edgar, maybe make him understand the circumstances of the past. Warnings- mentions of cannibalism, Smut, violence, swearing, all that good stuff. </p>
<p>A/N- The Story of Edgar’s Mom can be read in Past Horrors</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  
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<p class="tmblr-attribution">
  <a href="https://tmblr.co/ZDkN-k1iKOS_o">Originally posted by chrisevansdorito</a>
</p>
<p>Curtis was followed closely by Johanna, who was listening to all he was saying. “Get the council together, tell them Matt’s escaped. I’m going to find Edgar now. I will meet up with them in the office.” The woman faltered, her eyes wide as she looked at him. “Escaped? Escaped how?” </p>
<p>
  <em>I wish I knew… </em>
</p>
<p>He shrugged at her and kept going, heading right to Edgar’s quarters while Johanna went to let the other three council members know. Once Curtis reached Edgar’s rooms, he knocked on the door softly to hear a rumbling ‘Come in’ Without announcing himself, he stepped in to find Edgar stretched on his back, his arm over his eyes as if blocking out the daylight filling the room. Once he lifted to see it was Curtis his pained look turned dark and enraged, even hatred filling the features of his young face. </p>
<p>“Get the fuck out Curtis, ya fuckin’ shite.” He pushed himself up, reaching for a knife. Curtis was quicker, crowding into him, his hand wrapped around his wrist to keep him from going for the knife, other hand at Edgar’s neck, holding him at arms length, well away from kicking feet and flying fists. </p>
<p>“Just answer me Edgar and I will leave you alone, okay? You can do that much right?” Curtis tried to say calmly as possible. Edgar was shooting daggered looks at him, trying to pry his grip off, his throat, wrangle his arm out of Curtis’s hold. “What the fuck ya want murder?” Slowly releasing him, Curtis backed off, his hands held up to show he wasn’t armed, didn’t want to fight. “Matt’s gone, please Edgar, tell me you didn’t let him go Man?” </p>
<p>“What? Course I didn’t, I’m not fuckin’ stupid Curtis. I know he’s a murdering son of a bitch. I would never let him go.” </p>
<p>Curtis let out a breath of air in relief, he should have known, but Edgar was beyond angry at him, which he was rightly so. “What do ya mean he’s gone?” Edgar questioned next.</p>
<p>“The locks were undone and everything, you were the last one to see him before…” Curtis shrugged and Edgar gave him a look. </p>
<p>“Ya, how do I know you didn’t let him go? Hunt him down, kill him in cold blood? Sounds like something you would do.” Edgar snarked while sitting on his bed. “Now get out before I rethink my decision NOT to stab you in the face.” </p>
<p>“You really think that?” Curtis asked him incredulously, and Edgar glared at him. </p>
<p>“Ya, I fuckin’ do.” his accent rolling off his tongue the angrier he got. “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten you turning your back on me in the tunnels either Curtis. This, is what happens to those around you isn’t it. They get hurt. My ma, me, Grey, Tonya, hell even through you, Y/N got hurt didn’t she? Ya think they targeted her cause she was just some pretty looking tail ender in the back? No Curtis, they went after her cause she fucks around with you.” Curtis’s gut sank the more Edgar spoke, its black ideas clouding his mind, cause somewhere deep down, he believed every word. “You probably let Matt go so you could hunt him down yourself… The only reason he isn’t dead now is cause Y/N begged you not to.” Edgar’s chin lifted a notch, challenging Curtis to deny it. </p>
<p>He couldn’t, cause it was true. Without a word, he left and slammed the metal train door behind him. Edgar smirked in anger, knowing he had hit a nerve with him. “Thought so.” </p>
<p>Curtis tried to shake Edgar’s words, but the bloomed through his mind until he believed it. That wasn’t going to stop him from hunting Matt down, and when he re entered the sleeping quarters you were curled up in the chair, unfolding when you saw him. “Curtis, is it true?” </p>
<p>“Yes, it is. He’s gone, along with a weapon and the keys.” He started to pull on more clothes, and prying open the closet door in the room, he brought out the ax he originally brought in there. Your eyes widened seeing his preparations, even pulling out his long jacket that came from the tail end. </p>
<p>“What are you doing?” You tried to block him to answer you, gently but firmly, he silently made you step aside. “Curtis! Answer me! Where are you going?” </p>
<p>“We have to go get him Babygirl, all of them. Not just Matt. If we don’t, they are just going to attack again.” </p>
<p>You shake your head, and try to make him pause once more. “No, we can’t possibly know that. What are they going to survive on? Curtis, would you stop?” Your voice picked up, trying to make him take notice of you. Everything was just starting to go right for all of you, things for you and Curtis were heading back to normal. You didn’t want to loose him again to the madness, why did it have to be him? “Why does it have to be you?” Finally you come to the point you wanted to make, taking a shuddering breath. “Haven’t you done enough? You got us here, let someone else take this, do this.” </p>
<p>That made Curtis pause, you could see the haunch in his shoulders, the way his back lifted when he took a shuddering breath, saying so softly that it barely registered with you what he was saying. “Cause this is what I do.” </p>
<p>You’re shaking your head, confused as to what he means, stepping up behind him and laying your hand against his quivering back, your brows furrowed in your concern. “You’re not a killer Curtis.” Then he turned around and crowded you, backing you into the wall, his hands caging you in on each side and glittering cold blue eyes were inches from yours, his hot breath fanning your face. </p>
<p>“Are you sure Babygirl? Because killing is awful easy for me. I take what I want, damn the consequences. Don’t lie to yourself, you’re tied to a killer. It’s really all i’m good at.” </p>
<p>Your breathing picks up as does your heartbeat in your chest, cause in this second it wasn’t your Curtis, but a man who looks to be at the end of his tolerance. Your voice stutters slightly, shaking your head, at him and yourself. This was Curtis, and he would not hurt you. </p>
<p>“That’s not true Curtis, you are not.” Your hands come up to press and fist your hands into his shirt, one last effort to keep him from leaving once more into bloodshed. “Just last night you were nothing but gentle and caring with me, putting me back together. That is not what a killer does.” You stressed, and he slammed his hands against the metal walls, making you flinch but not break your hold from him. </p>
<p>“Great deceiver I am. Open your eyes, Y/N. Its time you saw me for what I really am.” Gripping your chin, he kissed you with an anger stinging your lips you’ve never felt, and it made you gasp, trying to pull your head away when he crowded into you further, crushing you between him and the wall. There was no way for you to pull away from him and you gave a fearful whine against his mouth. He had never made you feel helpless, but you did here. The length of his body crushing you into the wall was solid, heavy, and familiar. But it was dangerous, his anger and stress making him hard and unyielding. Even his cock pressed hard and demanding against the softness of your stomach, there was no escaping him if he took more. Not even before the revolt was he like this. It sparked a fear in you that made your heart race. </p>
<p>When he pulled away, his own eyes shining a bit too much, he yanked himself away from you, leaving you behind to sink to the floor, and drop your head to your knees as you listened to his boots thudding down the aisle and further away from you. You’ve never felt so alone as you did right now. You didn’t know what he had planned, what was going to happen. Your heart ached for your man thinking himself a monster that you knew he wasn’t. </p>
<p><em>How could you just leave her?,</em> Curtis thought to himself, hefting the ax over his shoulder as he stalked down the length of the train, the passengers he passed were quick to move away from him. Right now everything about him screamed killer, a man of walking death.<em> Because I was out of control, and was going to just take her, hurt her</em>. Shame flared in his cheeks that he really wanted to break you, make you tell him he was right, that Edgar was right, really proving that he was in fact, a monster to his girl. Blowing out a breath of air, he recomposed himself while going to meet with the other council members. </p>
<p>Curtis wasted no time, explaining what had happened, to the best of his knowledge to the other council members, and it was a unanimous vote that a team needed to go after Matt, right away, as well as those aiding him. “They are dangerous.” The Doctor said, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his eyes. “Do we bring them back alive though? Were not killers.” The healer in him at war with what was going on, he knew they would always be in danger from this group of renegades, but his instincts were to preserve life, not destroy it.</p>
<p>Curtis was leaning against a wall, lost in thought. “We can’t really keep them alive either though, not with the danger they possess. They are still loyal to Wilford, and most likely that isn’t going to change.” </p>
<p>John and Margit kept quiet for now, but it was Margit who spoke up. The woman usually kept calm and collected during any of these meetings. “I say we let there victims decide there fate. Many of the women they attacked are still traumatized from there attacks.” Curtis lifted his gaze, clearly now his thoughts were on you, and last night how after you two made love, the way you look so relieved, so shocked that you still were able to feel any kind of pleasure in sex. “Maybe giving them this chance to decide what happens will ease there minds. That they are in control of it all, not there rapists and murders.” </p>
<p>The rest of the group nodded, and Curtis was able to agree to that. John moved to a stand, looking at Curtis. “I will go with you, help you bring them in. I know Johanna has offered, as well as several others.” Curtis nodded and pushed off from the wall, picking up the ax he had brought with him. </p>
<p>“Lets not waste anymore time then.” The two men headed out while the Doctor and Margit sighed, the deed heavy and they were glad they weren’t the ones going out to hunt them down and bring them in. When the group gathered, Curtis picking up from where the tracks were frozen in the ground and they set off, hoping that the wind hadn’t already blown them away. You watched from your window as they got smaller, hugging your arms around yourself, a soft frown etched on your face, and when they were finally out of sight, nothing but white landscape again, you turned away. </p>
<p>You needed to go talk to Edgar, this anger fueling Curtis was guilt from the past. Maybe if you could explain what happened, why it all went down as it did, that it wasn’t just Curtis. It was all of you, everyone locked in the tail end going to a point of no return for survival. Maybe he could forgive Curtis, and then Curtis too could see that he wasn’t the monster he believed himself to be. With resolve, you went to find him. </p>
<p>Matt trudged along, frozen now. He couldn’t feel his feet, his hands or his face. All of it frozen as he tried covering himself as much as he could with the jacket he had taken from the kid, cursing out his foul mood. “Why couldn’t you all just take a closer train car? Fuck I got the keys, we could break right into there storage and just take all the weapons.” He muttered, and the ex guard whipped around to glare at him. “Listen Matt, your not in charge anymore, okay? Get off your fucking high horse why don’t you. Know how we’ve survived undetected by them? Cause were not right under their noses.” With that, he continued on, leaving Matt shivering and cussing him out before he started forward again, huffing. </p>
<p>“Well are we at least close? I think I got frostbite. Would you lose your toes if they have frostbite?” and the man before him shrugged. </p>
<p>“Sucks for you then. Were almost there.” he started to inspect the remaining train cars at the very end, till he rounded the one he was looking for, and swung up to grab the handle on the side and climb in, reaching back to grab Matt’s and haul him in. It was much warmer to Matt’s relief as the collected bodies and small fire warmed the enclosed space. Matt hurriedly went to the fire and started to peel off his shoes and socks to see the damage done. “You all been living here?” he asked as he looked around. It was much further in the tail end then hes been to in years, and the conditions showed it. Imagining it was pretty bad before even the train crashed. Bunks lined the walls, and they were piled with some blankets that looked pretty thin and rough, what looked to be garbage strewn into the corners of the car, and filth. So much filth, Matt shuddered to think what it could have possibly been at one time. </p>
<p>“Not like there’s a fucking Bed and Breakfast down the road.” the man grunted, letting his hands move over the fire to warm them back up. </p>
<p>“Wilford always told us you were going to take over once he passed.” Eric looked Matt up and down from across the flames, seeming to take him in. Other men came up, all as menacing as him. “ Wilford is gone, and we cant just go to join Curtis and his group.” </p>
<p>“No, after what you all did to Y/N and the others you really cant.” Matt said matter of fact. “That’s why they need to be killed. Curtis, the little council of leaders they made, those loyal to them. My sister. And I can help you. I know where they have shit stored. Please tell me Eric you all have weapons.” </p>
<p>“Not many, but we’ve been gathering supplies where we can.”</p>
<p>Matt pressed a hand to his forehead, and moved his socks and shoes closer to the flames. “You have anything that can possibly be used?” </p>
<p>“Barely, like I just fucking said. But, some of us are going scouting. If we were where I think we are, we’re not far from an actual city. There will be plenty of supplies if we search hard enough for them.” He jerked to a stand, leaving Matt kneeling by the fire. </p>
<p>“We’re leaving tonight. I got some more clothes you can put on.” Eric grunted while he went to go dig through piles on a nearby bunk. </p>
<p>“I’m not going anywhere!” Matt huffed, trying to warm his feet up with vigorous rubbing. Eric tossed him extras of everything. </p>
<p>“But you are, Wilford trained you to be the next leader, and I am your appointed bodyguard should anything have happened. Understood? This is what the Boss wanted.” </p>
<p>Warily Matt stuffed his feet into dry socks. This entire time since he was taken from the tail end as a child, he corrupted himself for survival. Apparently Eric corrupted himself for Loyalty. </p>
<p>“I promise, Curtis and every one of those loyal fuckers to him will be dead.” </p>
<p>Matt didn’t even try to hide the cold grin on his face as he pushed up to a stand, take out Curtis, take out the main problem. Now Matt was completely on board with this plan. </p>
<p>You went to Edgar’s room, and it was ajar, able to peek in to see him laying on his bed, arm slung over his eyes as if combating a headache. </p>
<p>“Edgar, are you okay?” you ask softly as you ease the door open. He didn’t even bother to lift his arm when he responded. </p>
<p>“Go away Y/N, I have nothing more to say to any of ya’s today.” </p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, you ignored his request, stepping in and closing the door behind you, not wanting others to hear any of this. </p>
<p>“Edgar, you know I can’t just leave you. Do you need some aspirin? I have some.” Reaching into your coat pocket, you felt around, searching for the tablets you knew you kept on you. </p>
<p>“No, I don’t want your fucking medicine Y/N.” </p>
<p>Your fingers closed around them, and you set them on the table, before moving to sit in a chair in the room. </p>
<p>“I know you’re upset Edgar…” </p>
<p>“Upset?!” the younger man flipped around to a sit, his face laced with anger and betrayal. “I find out Curtis killed my Mom when I was a baby to eat us and you think I’m just upset?!” </p>
<p>“Okay, yes more than upset.” Your voice cracked a bit. “Edgar, you have to know… it was desperation. We were starving, and there was nothing left.” </p>
<p>“So we murder and eat one another?” He snorted out, looking away from your distressed face. </p>
<p>“No, no it was wrong, all of it. Everything we all did was… terrible. Driven by fear and pain, the whole Car back then, we lost our minds Edgar. There was no way out, it was nothing but darkness, trapped in that iron box with no escape. Packed on top of one another till we started to die off.” </p>
<p>Edgar still didn’t say anything, and you looked down in your lap, wringing your hands together. “It was done on purpose, i’m sure of it now. Take out the weaker ones, only let the strongest survive. Wilford was testing us to see what it took for us to break.” </p>
<p>“You saying my Mum was weak?” </p>
<p>You gave a shake of your head and gave a weak smile. “Not at all, she died trying to protect you and that makes her one of the strongest people there was Edgar. She was what changed everything, Gilliam showed us then another way. Was it better? I- I don’t know. It was brutal. Those scars Curtis has on his arm, is where he took a dull blade and try to cut off his arm. The only reason he still has it is because they brought the protein blocks, ending our starvation.” </p>
<p>Edgar still didn’t look convinced, rubbing a hand over his face and glaring at you. “Does not make it right.” </p>
<p>“No, no it doesn’t. Trust me, Curtis and others have been living with that knowledge for 17 years, and hating themselves for it. Curtis still wont forgive himself. He was just a kid. Younger then you are now. Put yourself in his shoes Edgar, what would you have done?” </p>
<p>“Not that! Die I guess.”</p>
<p>“Edgar please. I’m not asking you to forgive Curtis, or any of us, just know it was a matter of desperation and survival.” You swallowed, and pushed your hand against the tears that had built up. </p>
<p>“Should I forgive Curtis for leaving me behind? Letting me get stabbed in his rush to reach Mason?” Edgar snapped, and you tilted your head in confusion. </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” </p>
<p>“When we were going into the tunnels, Franco fucking Jr got a hold of me. If Curtis pulled back, he wouldn’t kill me. Curtis saw and kept going.” Edgar hissed his next words. “Sacrificed me, and all for nothing wasn’t it. Wilford was waiting for him this whole time.” </p>
<p>You shook your head, unsure and a bit of disbelief on your face. “I don’t know anything about that Edgar, I wasn’t there.” </p>
<p>“No Y/N, you weren’t. Maybe you know Curtis, but do you really know all of him? All that he is capable of?” Going to his door and opening it, he tilted his head. “I think its time for you to go Y/N, i’m done with this conversation.” </p>
<p>You opened your mouth to say something more, defend Curtis once more, but Edgar shook his head and pointed out the door for you to leave, and you knew there would be no more talking to him about this, not yet anyways. Unfolding from the chair, you pushed yourself to a stand and walked out, turning before he could shut the door on you. </p>
<p>“Please, you don’t have to forget or forgive, just know that Curtis cares for you like a brother. What happened, he will never be able to forgive himself for it. It will always be his greatest regret.” </p>
<p>Edgar looked away, you could see that it pained him, all of it. “As well it should.” and with that he closed the door, sealing himself away from you. </p>
<p>Feeling like you had accomplished nothing, you made your way towards the garden cart, hoping that maybe you can be useful there. </p>
<p>Night had fallen, and Curtis was just thankful that the stars and moon was bright enough to continue going. They had lost the trail for the most part, but now and then they would pass by what resembled footprints in the deeper snow. They had frozen over since the sun was quick to descend that day, so it was hard to tell exactly what any of it really was. None of them were necessarily expert trackers. </p>
<p>But the group continued on, checking damaged cars as they went along, further then they had been since settling down, and the amount of loss in all of them. </p>
<p>It brought the whole group into a very dark frame of mind. </p>
<p>Pulling up, John squatted in front of an entrance. “Curtis… this is several. In fact they are paths leading to this door.” He pulled himself to a stand, and placed his hand on the safety of the rifle he carried, trying to look into the darkness. Curtis came up behind him and looked in. “Stay watch, we will get a fire built, see if we cant find anyone inside.” Last thing he wanted was anyone bolting while they were busy making a fire. John and the man who helped them find a way out of the valley named Adam looked around the ground. </p>
<p>“I think anyone who was here left, straight across the ice.” He pointed where a bunch of the crust was broken, in a straight line. </p>
<p>“Animals hardly travel like that, and there’s a pretty good trail. I’m saying whoever was here is long gone, earlier today.” </p>
<p>After making the fire and checking the enclosure thoroughly, Curtis was apt to agree with John and Adam. Assuming it was the ex guards and Matt, they were quick to split figuring Curtis would be coming for them. Frustrated they just miss there target was an understatement, after picking through the useless remains of the car, Curtis sat near the fire, studying it. They could cross the ice, follow after them. But the fact remains they were not equipped for several days travel. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Curtis just come home. They probably are just as bad off as you are.” You leaned against him, and although you were nothing more then a product of his imagination, he appreciated your warmth against him. <br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Babygirl, if we let them go, they will just come for us again. Not to mention what they did to you and the others.” He said softly, letting his chin rest on top of your head, closing his eyes just enjoying his vision of you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know Handsome, I just got you back, I’m not ready to lose you again.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re not going to lose me.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I almost did during the revolt.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’re going to do this right. Go home, look over the maps to see where they might be headed and pack properly. No recklessness. We will be safe.” </em>
</p>
<p>You were silent, slowly fading away as he resolved on what to do. After a few hours, he spoke up, laying it all out for everyone to decide for themselves. The rest of the group agreed, and they made the trip home. Now that there was more of a plan in place, Curtis felt easier. That things were properly moving forward again. </p>
<p>Their arrival home, although a surprise, was welcomed by everyone. No one was hurt, everyone was safe, and although Matt wasn’t caught or the others, no more loss of life felt kind of like a win still to the mass of the people. </p>
<p>You stood at the edge of the crowd, watching as Curtis made his way through, trying to answer questions about what they found, and what was next. “We will let everyone know soon, excuse me.” Pulling away from another voicing their concerns, he spied you and made his way to you slowly. “Y/N, Babygirl, I’m-” </p>
<p>You shook your head to quiet him, and he couldn’t help the bit of fear that you wanted nothing to do with him for a moment. He hadn’t forgotten how he left you, kissing his anger into you till it hurt you, how badly he wanted to just have you regardless of what you felt. His temper became a shade of red that blinded him. How was it that he only felt that loss of control with you. </p>
<p>“Let’s talk in our room.” You didn’t push him away, instead opened your hand to his and led him away from the crowd, letting John and Johanna take over the questions. </p>
<p>When you closed the door and turned back to Curtis, you could see him reach out to touch you, then pulled away and stepped back. His shame in his earlier actions laced in his voice. “I’m sorry I laid hands on you like that Y/N, I shouldn’t have. If I hurt you in anyway” His voice drifting off with regret. Knowing he wouldn’t touch you until you gave him permission, you stepped forward and pressed your hands against his chest to make him sit down on the edge of the bed. Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, but first and foremost was relief he was okay. When he sat down, and his thighs spread you stepped into them, tugging his hat off to toss it aside, push your hand through his short soft bristles. </p>
<p>“You scared me Curtis.” You admitted. “You caught me by surprise, but then you were just gone. Going after Matt, and those others. I was so fucking scared you weren’t thinking clearly and were going to get hurt.” </p>
<p>His hands slid over your hips carefully, as it he didn’t really have the right to place his hands anywhere on you, giving a shake of his head. “I was angry, so fucking angry. I lost Matt, Edgar…” He sighed with defeat. “He was told about his mom in the worst way possible, and then you, in that moment, I just wanted to get lost in you and I almost did.” </p>
<p>Flashback filled your mind of his hard body trying to meld right against yours, his length pushing at his pants with arousal. “You’ve always been mine, to lose you because of my actions, would kill me.” shuddering out his weakness. </p>
<p>You frowned down at him, a hand pressing against his shoulders till he straightened back so you could see his face. “Curtis, you’re not going to loose me.” All those other thoughts were pushed aside as you saw his stress at the situation hardening his features. Pressing your hands against his shoulders so he fell back against the bed. “There is no one I love more then you, on this train, or in this world. You scared me, but you didn’t hurt me, not really.” you wriggled on him till you could perch lightly on his stomach to look down at him. </p>
<p>“Well maybe you shouldn’t Y/N.” He said, although his hands were settled against your waist, and Edgar’s words echoed back to you.<em> Maybe you know Curtis, but do you really know all of him?</em></p>
<p>Yes you did, and you were going to prove it to both men if you had to. You might not know every detail, but you’ve shared your life with him since you both came on the train. There wasn’t anything about Curtis that made you doubt him. </p>
<p>“That’s not for you to decide Curtis.” You pushed his shirt up till he lifted enough to drag his shirt off, your hands sliding up and down the wall of his chest, the curls of hairs covering multitude of scars that now were no longer a shock to you as they had been at first. You appreciated every sacrifice he made getting them. You leaned over him and started with soft brushes of your lips down his chest, kissing where his heart raced against his chest, your hands rubbing against his sides and back up till you pushed up, back to his mouth and nipped on that full lower lip. “I make my own choices, and I’ve always chosen you. Why do you think you don’t deserve that?” </p>
<p>Curtis scolded himself as you moved to straddle him, tugging off his shirt and then kissing on his chest. If he was a better man he would stop you, but he wasn’t. Curtis craved you endlessly, and to see you hovering over him, your face set with determination, he couldn’t stop you. He wasn’t strong enough. There was no way he would ever be able to tell you no. His hands sought the warmth of your skin, and as soon as he slid them under your shirt, you shivered at his cool touch, but didn’t pull away. No you clenched your thighs against his sides and let your nose trail up the center of his chest. </p>
<p>“If I was a better man, I wouldn’t have lost my temper.” Curtis sighed and tilted his head back while you started to kiss on his neck, and rock yourself back slightly. “I could have hurt you Y/N, I was close.” </p>
<p>“You might have been, but I don’t think you would have. You never have before Handsome.” You pushed up away from him and started to work his pants open, your eyes bright looking down at him as you reached in and wrapped your hand around his length, stroking up and down slowly with a slightly firmer grip. </p>
<p>Curtis hissed as he jerked in your hold, digging his fingers more into your waist. “Y/N!” </p>
<p>You give a slight smile at his reaction knowing he was doing all he could to not push for more, sliding your hand up and down, your fingers dancing along the hard length. When you reached the base, you fondled his balls into your palm, give slight tugs and gentle squeezes. You never broke your gaze from him, dropping your head to wrap lips around his head and slide your tongue around the swollen head. </p>
<p>Having let go of your hips, he twisted his fists into the sheets and a ripping noise signaled that some of your bedding was ruined, which enticed you to drop further down to take him further. Pulling away, your tongue licked a stripe down the length, and he hissed once more, jolting when you teased his balls with the lap of your tongue and a pull of one into your mouth.  “Babygirl, get the fuck up here.” He growled, when you pulled off him, and his arms grasped your forearm, bringing you to his mouth, and kissed you hungrily, hand moving from your forearms to grasp your ass and push you against him, you did a dirty grind against him, scrapping your hands through his beard and digging your fingers against his scalp, groaning into his kiss. </p>
<p>“Need you Babygirl…” He grunted against your lips and rolled his hips like he was going to roll you over, and you grasped his wrists behind you while you arched to sit up, looking down at him. “No Curtis, just stay right there.” You stated while lifting yourself off to a stand. </p>
<p>You were pulling off your clothes, and Curtis couldn’t look away, turning away from him and letting your hair fall loose down your back from where you had it pulled back, tugging off your shirt and letting it fall to the floor, undoing your pants, and easing them down over the swell of your hips, and falling down your legs. Wrapping his hand around his erection, and stroking himself, he couldn’t stop admiring, thankful you were his woman, and have been this whole time. You were starting to fill out now that you were eating healthier, your skin glowing now that you were in actual light. It occurred to him that this was the first time he’s ever gotten to love you when he could really see you. </p>
<p>That hit him that you weren’t going to be able to hide in the dark, you were really giving him everything. Looking over your shoulder, you made a motion with your hand. “Pants off Curtis.” </p>
<p>He wasted no time shimmying them off. </p>
<p>You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. This was a first for you, you normally let Curtis love you how he wanted, giving him what he wanted. This time you wanted to prove that he deserved to have all of you, he was a good man regardless of the circumstances life threw at him. Even with what Edgar said, you knew this, felt this with complete conviction. Once he was stretched out, completely naked, you sucked in a sharp breath. Seeing Curtis without all his layers, you could see just what a large man he was, muscles coiled, holding power that your felt driving into you before. Large hands that could span your back with a single palm and those hungry eyes, drinking you in just as much as you were with him. Approaching him once more, you straddled him, taking his cock, thick and hard, sliding it along your folds. </p>
<p>Feeling him underneath you though, that was familiar, and good. His thick head you pressed to your entrance, pushing down to sink onto him, that felt good, and you rolled yourself to take more, breathing through it. </p>
<p>“Your so good Babygirl, so tight.” You heard him strain out, and you moaned, giving a flex when you felt him bottom, full till the stretch was almost painful. Hands soothed along your taunt thighs folded gripping his hips, your own hands reaching for his and lifting them to cover your breasts as you started to move. Carefully at first, Curtis kept from thrusting up into you, palming your breasts, and his thumb pulling your buds, rolling till they turned sensitive in his hold, making you bite your lip at the sensation it caused. Almost a painful pleasure, making you drop harder onto his cock, giving a dirty roll to press your clit against him. “Fuck Curtis.” You purred  at him, leaning down to catch his lips, sliding your tongue around his and rocking back to squeeze his cock. “Don’t hold back.” he grunted against your lips, grinding you on him once more.</p>
<p>You pushed off his chest, and sped yourself up, panting at the intense pleasure feeling his cock so hard and thick brought to your clenching channel, fluttering around him with a need to cum. When he finally started to thrust into you, grasping your hips and drag you down his length faster, pushing more and more at different angles till you gave a sharp cry, making you breathless in the moment, that’s where he angled you, each dominating thrust he ground you against him. You were now getting lost above him, your belly coiling, fluttering with heat, those coils of pleasure so close to snapping. Curtis had his feet planted into the mattress to give him leverage, pulling your clenching pussy up and down his throbbing cock. Bouncing you up and down, till you grasped a hand at your waist and dragged it up to suck on his fingertips. The sight above him, feeling you moan around his digits filling your mouth, Curtis committed it to memory.  </p>
<p>“I know this is what you want Babygirl.” he grunted hungrily, knowing it would bring you over, he pulled away from your lips and pressed his warm wet fingers against your throbbing pearl, rolling and pressing till you started sobbing out, rocking faster and harder. “Just feels so good, I don’t want to cum, but I need to. Curtis I have to.” </p>
<p>Knowing how close you were, he gasped. “Do it Babygirl, cum all over me.”</p>
<p>You nodded, digging your fingers into his chest while grinding onto him, giving a silent scream while locking around him. Curtis wrapped his arms around you and pulled you onto his chest, slowing his thrusts to long drags into your weeping channel. </p>
<p>“So good for me Y/N.” He muttered into your hair, rolling you till you were pinned underneath him, pushing your hair back to he could kiss your neck, reaching to his hips to loosen your knees gripping him. </p>
<p>“All this trust, you make me so proud Babygirl.” Kissing down your body as he pulled out. You were still coming down from your orgasm and slid your hands against his back to dig fingers into your shoulders with a tight hold as he sucked and pulled, making you arch and spread your thighs further to feel his weight drop on you, press against your wet cunt while he dragged back further. </p>
<p>“I have to taste you.” massaging your inner thighs, trailing kisses along one side then the other. That first long taste he took, pressing through your drenched folds to twirl over your clit. Swirling and laying claim to your pearl. It was his, always has been. He knew the way you liked to feel his tongue press and pull, those tiny mewls of yours as you would start to rock, his tongue darting into your clenching channel.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long till you were cumming again, locking your thighs around his head, and crying his name this time, unable to keep silent. Stronger hands then your thighs loosened them, pulling himself back up and claiming your lips, still in a daze, he worked you to respond, kiss him back. Your tongue lapping at your taste coating him. Shifting you just right, he sunk back into your swollen pussy, whimpering into his mouth. </p>
<p>“I don’t know if I have another one in me… “You breathed against his lips, and placing his elbows on either side of your head, he leaned his forehead against yours, starting with shallow thrusts. </p>
<p>“Just one more Babygirl, I know you have one more. Fold your legs around me, and hold on.” You nodded, and did as he asked, legs going around him, opening yourself for him more as he drove in deeper, angling himself with each thrust till he found the spot that made you chant his name. Your arms circling his neck, rocking back and forth with him. </p>
<p>Dropping his head to your shoulder, speeding his thrusts to reach an end, he was hoarse when he urged you, grinding and rutting against your spot, kissing your neck, pressing his lips against your ear. “This one last time, I know you have it Babygirl.” </p>
<p>Your whimpers got louder, it was a edge of pain that just felt so fucking good, but you wanted to escape it. Curtis was relentless, each nudge making your thighs strain, muscles burning, and when you finally did snap, the most mind numbing bliss following after you flooded his cock, hiding your face in against his shoulder and biting the muscle hard. His hand cradled the back of your head against his shoulder, letting his own self go to bury into you harder and harder, deeper into your welcoming warmth, those tight grasps milking him to release, and when he did, the warmth spread through you, letting you sink into your own bliss, feeling him press his hips into you while holding his chest up to keep from crushing you. “Your just so fucking good Babygirl, I could stay like this forever.” Still hoarse, and panting, you twisted yourself into a better angle, cupping his face and making him look down at you, wedged underneath him, still full of his cock, that you could feel was starting to go soft now that he released. </p>
<p>“I could to Curtis, you make me feel good, safe, and loved. So I know I’m right where I belong, with who I belong. Regardless of what’s happened in the past.” Tilting up, your lips found his, and you didn’t share an urgent greedy lust kiss, but one of genuine affection and love, your hand sliding along his face to gently grasp at the back of his neck. Letting him pull back from your mouth, you winced as he pulled out of you and moved to get up, go get a washcloth. </p>
<p>You had to smile at him walking around naked, appreciating the flex of his muscles, he looked and seemed a bit more relaxed, coming back out, he was gentle as he cleaned you, knowing you would be slightly sore. But soon he was collapsing back beside you and you let your head fall lazily to his chest, facing him. </p>
<p>“You alright?” He asked as his fingers traced your face, brushing back your hair. </p>
<p>“Of course Curtis, we don’t have bad sex.” you grinned, nuzzling your nose against the hair on his chest, and he gave a soft chuckle, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “I do have to ask though what happened? You weren’t gone but a day. Where is Matt?” </p>
<p>He had closed his eyes, relaxing in the post orgasm feeling, but opened them once more hearing your question. “He met up with others, and they seemed to have abandoned their train car.” </p>
<p>Wrinkling your nose hearing this, you shifted in closer against him. “Probably knew you all would be coming for them.” </p>
<p>Curtis hummed in agreement, letting himself enjoy the sensation of you using him as your pillow, still tracing you with a slight touch of fingertips. “We will be going back out, proper this time. See if we cant at least find where they are headed off to.” He felt you tense, but then relaxed back into him, and he continued. “If we don’t, they will just keep coming.” And there will never be proper peace to settle into living. But he didn’t add that, knowing you were already on edge with the situation. You lifted your head to study him a moment, and nodded. “Of course, I trust you Curtis.” Settling back down, the room was getting that sunshine warmth often felt in midday, and it was making Curtis sleepy, thinking you were drifting off in the same direction. </p>
<p>But you werent, you knew you needed to share your discussion with Edgar, he would want you to tell him. So you cleared your throat. “I went to talk to Edgar after you left.” Now it was his turn it stiffen, the tracing fingers stopping to slightly press into a hold, you could feel his voice drop and vibrate in his chest as he spoke. </p>
<p>“He wasn’t cruel to you, was he?” </p>
<p>“No Curtis, he’s hurt, but he didn’t do anything to hurt me.” You shifted a bit so you could see him better. “I told him more about what the tail end was like.” You could see Curtis’ features start to close off, and you rubbed your hand against his chest, cause you were not and never would place the blame on him for what happened. He had to know that. “I don’t know if anything I said sunk in. But he did say you sacrificed him, what was he talking about?” </p>
<p>Lifting a hand, he rubbed it at his face. Another mistake in his revolt. Just like leaving you in the tail end had been. </p>
<p>“I deserved that, I did turn my back on him when that front end asshole had him.” Curtis expected to see some disbelief, anger, disgust in your features. But there was none of that. You simply waited for him to continue. Hair over your shoulder, he couldn’t help but reach for it, tangling it in his hold, curling it around his wrist. Maybe to keep you there, he wasn’t sure. He just wanted to feel your tresses slide among his fingertips. </p>
<p>“I was going for Mason. This was before everything came out. Before I had any idea that Wilford wanted me in the front, that Gilliam had sent us to our deaths. I was this close to getting to her, she was our safety to get to the front. Our only chance, so I thought. That body gaurd of hers, he had grabbed Edgar from behind, who was following me. I heard him say my name… panicked. Mason, she was almost out of my reach, and they would have locked the doors. If they got her through and locked those doors, who knows if we would have gotten out. I had no idea if Nam was even still alive then. I made a choice.” You could feel him deflate a bit underneath you, your hand still sliding up and down his chest. </p>
<p>“And Edgar was stabbed because of it.” You said softly. </p>
<p>“I made the wrong choice, in that moment I knew I should have gone back. But… All I could think of is if we could just get Mason, maybe we wouldn’t lose anymore people. She would escort us to the front.” </p>
<p>You stayed silent in that moment, turning your gaze from him to the outside world. One they hadn’t seen until the revolt. One they might have never seen if Curtis hadn’t went for Mason in that moment. None of you would know what warmth from a sun streaming through glass would be like, what actual food was, fresh air. Taking a deep breath, feeling it fill your lungs with appreciation. What a shower with hot water was. All of this, might have only happened cause Curtis made a choice. </p>
<p>“It wasn’t the wrong choice Curtis. Look where we are now. Who knows what could have happened if you didn’t continue forward. We might all be dead now, bodies thrown off the moving train, and nothing changed.” </p>
<p>“I’ve done so much wrong to Edgar, I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me for the rest of our days, he deserves to.” </p>
<p>You frown and look down at him, pressing your finger against his lips to hush him. “Stop, he’s just hurt and is confused about everything. Give him some time. It won’t be the same, but you need to give him a chance to forgive you before you resign to that.” Shifting to sit up and reach over the bed to grab at clothes strewn down there. “We should probably head back out, i’m sure others are looking for you.” </p>
<p>“Most likely.” </p>
<p>Before you could tug anything on, Curtis wrapped an arm around you and dragged you back to him, sliding a tongue into your mouth and leaving you giving a halfhearted protest before you fell into the kiss, killing just a few more minutes before they finally redressed. </p>
<p>“So, that is what we’ve all decided on, and anyone that chooses to come will need to be up for at least a while out there. We don’t know how far they have gone, but it’s too dangerous having those men out there.” </p>
<p>There was some discussion among the people, and quickly volunteers came out. One person raised a concern. “Who’s staying from part of the council? And what happens if you don’t come back.” </p>
<p>“Dr.Price is staying, along with Margit and Y/N, you all will continue what needs to be done. Keeping the animals alive and healthy, as well as the greenhouse. We need both of them. Harvest, gather. Conserve the energy on the train, there’s still plenty of water and electricity. That battery is holding. If something happens to us, do what you must to continue, together.” </p>
<p>His eyes filtered over the crowd to see Edgar hanging at the back of the crowd, his arms folded over his chest as he listened. Curtis didn’t expect him to push up to the front, but he did. </p>
<p>“I’m coming to, Matt escaped on my watch. It’s only fair I make sure he comes back.” </p>
<p>With a nod, Curtis accepted and looked over the group ready to make the trek into the unknown.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Just Get Back Home</h2></a>
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            <p>Curtis Everett x You. The group departs to collect Matt and the others that didnt join the tail end survivors. You are having a hard time letting them leave, but this time you don’t protest. Yona has a warning for Curtis. </p>
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  <p>     It was quiet outside. Almost too quiet, sometimes it made Curtis feel anxious not hearing Snowpiercer anymore. 17 years of it, he had grown accustomed to some things. But in the time since the crash, he’s learned to adapt. He’s watched the group go from starving hopeless individuals to functioning members to a community, seen the possibility to an actual life, maybe one day seeing you with a son or daughter peeking around your leg to run to him. A man can dream right, he thought to himself as his head tilted back to look up at the night sky. The dazzling of stars was unlike anything he had seen before. Even when he was free, running around Boston growing up. The city lights always dimmed them till you could only see them with a telescope. Something he did get to do when he went to the science museum. The long ago thoughts of his childhood happened to make him smile a bit, forgetting what he was going to have to do. </p>
  <p>That thought came back though, having to hunt down Matt and the other rogues that still believed in Wilford. They couldn’t stop this time, turn back and return. It was time to end this once and for all, which Curtis planned on doing. He would bring back the survivors if there were any and let the victims make a choice. It was the least he could do for letting them get past him to the tail end. Tiredness settled on his shoulders, honestly Curtis wanted this to be over. All he wanted was to live a simple life, a life where he worked hard during the day and let him love you rest of the night. </p>
  <p>He knew he should be in bed, not sitting on the roof of the train in the snow. You were just below him, curled up in the bed, probably clutching a pillow to your chest like you did when left to sleep alone. The trek was going to take all his energy as well as the others coming with him. At this moment everyone is safe, it’s been a mantra in his mind since he returned earlier. But still his mind won’t let him rest, wont settle down enough to let him rest for tomorrow. </p>
  <p>A crunch in the snow made him look over his shoulder to see you climbing off the ladder, pulling one of the coats they found while sorting the carrs around you tighter like it could keep out the penetrating freeze. “I would have been down in a few Babygirl.” Curtis said as you lowered next to him, letting your legs dangle over the edge of the train. His arm went around your to pull you into his side, and you smiled up at him. </p>
  <p>“Maybe I wanted to see the stars as well Handsome.” Your head went to lay on his shoulder and he relaxed, feeling you against him. The warmth of your thigh pressing alongside his seeped into him, and your hands clasped in your lap, you looking up at the same stars. </p>
  <p>“Hard to believe I used to look at these stars at my aunties house. I never thought I would see them again.” Curtis watched your lips curl up in a smile, the small moment of your happiness pushing back those thoughts plaguing him. </p>
  <p>“They are something amazing Babygirl. We didn’t have stars in Boston. Nothing like this.” He turned his gaze back to what you were looking at and your hand stretched to his thigh, your palm up. Curtis let his hand slide into yours and your fingers grasped through his. He could feel you were worried as well, but remaining quiet about it. </p>
  <p>“I don’t know why, but that makes me sad Curtis. A childhood without them? How did you make any wishes…” You drifted off and he chuckled softly, kissing your temple to ease you, touched that you had even thought of that. </p>
  <p>“Then we will change that right now Babygirl.” He tightened his arm around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around you and letting you lean back against his chest. His chin rested on your shoulder, while gazing up. “You make a wish on half of them, I will do the other. That many stars at once, they are bound to come true Babygirl.</p>
  <p>You let your hands rest over his that were folded over your midsection and closed your eyes to think of a wish, Curtis hummed Ooh Laa softly in your ear when you made it, tilting your head a bit. “Finished Curtis.” </p>
  <p>“Alright, my turn… I wish-” You shook your head and reached over your shoulder to press your hand to his mouth. </p>
  <p>“You’re not allowed to say it out loud Curtis. Those are against the rules.” You teased and he pulled his head away from your mouth. </p>
  <p>“New world Babygirl, I’m making new rules.” He kissed your fingertips and tilted to kiss your neck deeply. Looking back up, he took a deep inhale, which you felt his chest press into your back before his warm breath washed over your neck. “I wish that after this, we will have the life we have talked about for years. That is all I want in my life.” </p>
  <p>Your hold on his hand tightened hearing him, and smiled to yourself because how close it was to yours. Almost exactly the same, you had wished for him to return to you safe so that you two could have the rest of your lives in peace. Tilting your head to look over your shoulder at him, you pressed a kiss to his lips, and letting the tip of your nose slide along the side of his. </p>
  <p>“The dream Handsome.” you said and he nodded softly, pressing cold lips back to yours, soft puffs of warm air escaping you both. </p>
  <p>“Come on Babygirl, let’s go back to bed.” Curtis could see the bit of frost in your eyelashes and the ruddiness in your cheeks. You nodded and shifted back off, moving to a stand. He followed after you and together went back to the warmth of your shared room. Undressing again that night, first you crawled into the bed, and Curtis followed, wrapping you into his arms and tucking his face in your hair to help him relax, finally drifting off after he felt you sink into him, completely relaxed and trusting in his hold. </p>
  <p>     The next morning was a bit hectic, You were with Yona trying to find enough gear for the people tracking the hostiles. Curtis was with John in the car designated for weapons, trying to figure out how much ammo might be needed, not wanting to leave those they left behind unarmed. There was only so much they were able to locate, and were sure that they all had collected as much as they could from the cars in the back. Granted they wouldn’t have found a lot, but Curtis wasn’t ready to be surprised by an attack from them. </p>
  <p>“You and Johanna take the assault rifles.” Curtis insisted while John reached to pick up a long looking gun, wicked and lethal, plus plenty of ammo for the both of them. Curtis for himself took a submachine weapon, shorter, but lethal all the same. Dispersing a few more, the main weapon of choice was the lethal ax’s that were collected. Black handled with steel blades that had only met flesh a few times, the sharpness had yet to dull. Curtis’s hefted one, feeling the familiar weight from the days of the revolution. Memories of how it felt plunging it into soft flesh and the jerking motion of the person struggling, he closed his eyes willing it away. He didn’t want to be a killer, but here he was made into a killer. </p>
  <p>“I think that’s everything Curtis. Y/N, Yona and Tam are in the kitchen packing us rations, and were already outfitted.” John said as he fitted the rifle with a strap and let it rest over his shoulder. </p>
  <p>“Go on outside and get everyone ready, I just have one last stop to make.” Curtis instructed and the two men split. John went for the exit outside and Curtis headed for the kitchen. When he stepped in the brightly lit car that smelled extremely good as always. He saw Yona and You packing up a couple of sacks with dried food. Curtis came up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist while looking over your shoulder. “Just about done Y/N?” he asked, Yona tying off one bag and you sorting through yours before zipping it up. </p>
  <p>“Yea, this should be good for four or five days, I think. Fuck I don’t know, I’m just guessing at all this.” your hands visibly shook a bit and Curtis covered them with his for a moment, letting his thumb brush over your knuckles, whispering in your ear. </p>
  <p>“Breathe baby.” Which you did, took a dragging breath. Yona and Tam both picked up another bag and lifted it up, grunting. </p>
  <p>“This has more of your basic stuff you might need. But it’s heavy.” Yona said, and Curtis reached over, fisting his hand in the top and lifted. </p>
  <p>“I can manage it, thanks Ladies. Uh, you mind giving me a moment here with Y/N?” </p>
  <p>The women nodded and retreated out of the kitchen, leaving just the two of you alone. Curtis turned his attention to you, and eased you to face him. </p>
  <p>“Talk to me Babygirl.” He encouraged, lifting a hand to brush along your cheek and into your hair. </p>
  <p>You took a shuddering breath, and shook your head. “It’s nothing, nerves. Fuck, I’m scared Curtis, and I really don’t want you to go again. But I know you have to, this has to end once and for all. We cant live with the idea we might be attacked any moment.” All that assurances you felt the night before, now it seemed to have dissipated, your fears brimming at the surface. </p>
  <p>Fuck this was worst then before when he had to make you stay, this time you were letting him go, scared as you were. His lips thinned a bit to hold back his own sadness a moment. This was the last time, he swore it. </p>
  <p>His hands lifted to cup your face and he dropped his forehead to yours. “Babygirl, I will be back and this will be done. I’m coming home to you. Do you understand me? It’s not going to be like last time. This time we are equipped. You trust me right?” </p>
  <p>“Of course I do Curtis, but none of us know what’s out there. I just… Just come home in one piece. That’s a demand.” You said, twisting your fingers into his jacket and then slipping inside, pressing your palms against his chest while looking up at him. You could feel him under his sweaters, the rise and fall of his chest, the faint thump of his heart. </p>
  <p>He dropped his lips to cover yours and your hands fisted in his sweater as you opened to him, pulling yourself in closer because it was going to be some time before you had him back, and you needed to make sure these moments were committed to memory. When it ended, his forehead leaned against yours and he lifted to kiss your forehead. “I will Babygirl.” </p>
  <p>Curtis shouldered the bag that was packed, and you both left the train to meet up with the rest of the group waiting just outside of the train’s entrance. Others were saying their final goodbyes, and while you watched the others, it really hit you how close everyone has become during this time. Your gaze fell on Edgar, who was hugging Yona quickly before letting go, nodding at whatever she was whispering in his ear and embracing him one last time before splitting away to the others. </p>
  <p>“I will be right back Curtis.” You say softly and split from his side to approach Edgar who was working on pulling on a pair of mismatched gloves and retying his bag. “Edgar…” You said and he looked up at you for a second before straightening to be level with you. “I just wanted to tell you to be safe out there.” </p>
  <p>You can see his throat bob as he swallows, his eyes darting from you to Curtis who was discussing something, his own gaze once in a while seeking where you were before going back to whom he was talking to. “I plan on it Y/N.” he said when his eyes dropped back to your face and you shuffled a bit, still unsure of what he would tolerate from you. You knew Edgar still felt betrayed from the past few days. </p>
  <p>“Please, because I don’t know what I would do without you.” You admitted. “Regardless of what’s happened in the past, it doesn’t change that your like a brother to me, and I don’t want to lose another.” Your voice broke and that’s when Edgar relented, folding you into his arms.</p>
  <p>“Enough of that. I gotta do this. It was my fault he escaped to begin with.” He started and you squeezed him back in a hug before pulling back. </p>
  <p>“I don’t care how or who is the reason he escaped. Just watch out for each other. Okay? That’s all I ask, remember that you and Curtis were once brothers.” You pleaded with him. “For me, please.” </p>
  <p>You could see the conflict cross his face, and then resolve, giving you a nod, assuring you that he would. One last embrace and you left Edgar in peace to finish prepping, going back to Curtis’s side. </p>
  <p>His head dropped, pressing his lips to your temple. “Is everything good Babygirl?” He asked concerned but you pressed into him. </p>
  <p>“Yes, just telling him to make sure he comes home as well.” You respond and Curtis rubs his hand along your back glancing at Edgar. He hated the rift between them, but wanted to respect Edgar and not force himself in his presence. </p>
  <p>Yona and Tam approached, dragging Curtis from his inner thoughts as the two women paused before the two of you. They both gave Curtis a hug and their well wishes, you tagged along behind him, smiling reassuringly at those that seemed nervous for the parting group. Timmy broke away from the kids and tugged on Curtis’s jacket, which he squatted down to be face to face with the boy. </p>
  <p>“Do you have to go Curtis?” He rubbed at his cheek, and Curtis gave a nod. </p>
  <p>“Yes Timmy, I’m afraid so. Matt wont be able to hurt us anymore.” </p>
  <p>Timmy was quiet, picking at his coat for a few seconds. “He was a bad man, he hurt me. And you, Yona  when the train crashed.” </p>
  <p>Curtis nodded, a bit surprised Timmy remembered any of it really, since he was so out of it back then, hardly recognizing any of them when he was pulled out of the train’s engine. “Yea he did, he hurt a lot of people, but he wont anymore. I won’t let that happen, okay? That’s why we are leaving today. But we will be back soon. Come on…” Curtis held out an arm to him, and Timmy pulled in close, hugging around Curtis’s neck and pressing his little body against him in a hug. Your hand dropped to Timmy’s back when Curtis stood up, he slid the boy from his hold into your’s which he easily switched to clinging to you, your arm embracing underneath him, and rubbing his back. </p>
  <p>“It will be okay Kiddo.” You whisper to him and readjust him to your hip, both of you looking up at Curtis. “Stay safe, come home to us soon.” You said to him, which he nodded. You could see the way he swallowed he was trying to control himself, and you gave a reassuring smile for the both of you. </p>
  <p>Of course you would try to make it better. Curtis thought to himself when he saw your face set with a soft smile, and your eyes blink any tears away rapidly. Timmy had his head laid on your shoulder, and how badly Curtis wanted to stay. How much he just wanted this to be over, have this moment daily without the tension. Cupping your face, he kissed you gently, pouring himself into it. Both your eyes closed as your free hand went to cup his face back, and foreheads pressed together for a few seconds before he made himself pull away. </p>
  <p>“I love you Curtis.” </p>
  <p>“I love you to Babygirl.” He said and turned to Timmy. “Take care of the fort while I’m gone, Okay?” He held up his fist which Timmy nodded and fist bumped him back. </p>
  <p>“Sure thing Curtis. I got it.” The little boy’s chest swelled with the new responsibility, and Curtis winked at him. </p>
  <p>“Why I’m leaving you in charge. See you in a couple days.” Curtis had to force himself to walk away from them, and as he started going the trail they had traveled the day before, the others who joined the group dispersed from the group and followed along behind them. Suddenly a yell admitted from the crowd, and Curtis paused to look over his shoulder to see Yona trudging through the snow to reach him. </p>
  <p>“Just get who you need to, then come straight back. Don’t go exploring.” Yona’s eyes were wide, and Curtis could see fear in them. He jerked his head forward to lead her away and turned to talk to her quietly, out of earshot of the others. </p>
  <p>“What do you mean Yona?” he asked, eyes searching hers for something she knew. Curtis knew she had a talent that not many knew. She had helped him get to Wilford, as well as find You after the train crashed. </p>
  <p>Yona shook her head. “Nothing more than a feeling Curtis. But it’s bad. Whatever is waiting for you guys there is beyond Matt and the rest. But I can’t see it. Whatever it is… they want Matt gone to. Just take him and go. Or else it won’t end well.” Yona said in all seriousness and Curtis rubbed at his mouth, baring his teeth in thought. </p>
  <p>“Get them and get out?” He asked to reaffirm, and Yona nodded. “Then that’s all we will do. We won’t have a chance to scavenge for anything anyways once we gather up whoever’s left.” </p>
  <p>Once satisfied that Curtis understood the warning, she parted back to the train, and Curtis continued on. It was slow going to get back to the car the group had departed from. John was at Curtis’s side, inspecting the remaining footprints and nodded. </p>
  <p>“They are scattered all over, but a group definitely headed that way. That’s where we should go.” Curtis dug out the map they had collected from Wilford’s car, and stretched it along his thigh, the two men checking where they would be headed. John’s finger slid along the map, trying to calculate it. </p>
  <p>“Five miles, estimating where we are. Here’s the cliff half the train went over, and the amount of cars left up top. I’m sure they have explored a bit further than we have since there wouldn’t have been much food back here. This is our best bet.” John reasoned, and Curtis had to agree. They really should have explored more but with cleaning up and setting the train into a livable place, there just wasn’t the time. </p>
  <p>“Alright, we can probably get halfway there before it gets to be nightfall. If we are not exhausted, we can keep going. But I’m suspecting we will be setting up some kind of camp just outside of their range.” Folding the map, he stuck it back in the sack he had set down, and re-shouldered it. The remaining people started to re-shoulder their own bags, and grab their weapons they brought. Squinting out over the white landscape, this time John took the lead, following the tracks left behind. </p>
  <p>You watched with Timmy the small group disappear over a snowy mound, and turned your attention to Yona who was slowly making her way back to the train. You set Timmy down off your hip. “How about you go inside and warm up? I will be giving you guys some lessons today.” Which the little boy nodded rather excited now, and sped inside to let the others know you would be doing a class with them. You turned your attention back to Yona, worrying your lip. “Is everything okay?” Your other fear besides Curtis coming across issues was something very physical happening between him and Edward. </p>
  <p>Yona gave a nod, wrapping an arm around your waist in a friendly way while you two went inside. “It will be all good, nothing will happen between Curtis and Edgar.” You couldn’t hold back the breath of relief that escaped you in that sense. You felt there was more, as Yona went silent and you stopped her as you two were heading towards the kids area. </p>
  <p>“Is there more? What are you not telling me Yona?” You whispered a bit harshly, not wanting to alarm any of the others, but you couldn’t help the fear that gripped your heart in that moment. Yona shrugged from your hold and shook her head. </p>
  <p>“No, Curtis will be back soon. Come on, you promised a lesson today. They are waiting.” She pulled away, shedding some of her clothes to toss into her nearby room before you could stop her again. Unease settled like a rock in your stomach, churning at your nerves. Curtis promised he would come home. That is what you would hang onto. </p>
  <p>The later it got, the more anxious you became. Finally you ended the lesson, and went into the kitchen to help Tam with the rest of the cooking to keep yourself distracted. </p>
  <p>“You are awful quiet child.” She observed as you started plating food for people coming in. Once it was just the two of you, you shrugged a bit and sighed. </p>
  <p>“Worried, fuck I cant get it out of my mind what could happen.” Going over to pluck a tin cup off a shelf and dip it into a giant container of fresh water to sip at. It just made your stomach clench, a wave of nausea sweeping over you. </p>
  <p>“I know, I’m worried too Y/N. We all are Child.” She said while she went to make another plate of food and handed it to you. “Go eat because you are no good to any of us if your passing out and I know this is the first thing you have had today. All we can do is trust and pray.” You wrinkled your nose, you had given up praying years ago.  </p>
  <p>Once you settled down next to Yona and started picking at the food before you, Yona watched you push it around in the bowel. You finally gave up, your stomach having tied itself in knots to be able to eat, and she moved over closer, peeking in your bowel. </p>
  <p>“You barely ate anything.” She said with an arched brow. You hugged around your knees in a way of protection. </p>
  <p>“Just not hungry, I’m too worried, and what if it all goes wrong Yona? Maybe I should have said something more. I mean what can they possibly find out there? Fuck I just feel helpless. I think this is worst then when they did the rebellion. This time I just let him do off without trying to go with him.” You voiced your fears, and her gaze softened a bit. </p>
  <p>“What could you do Y/N? He would be too worried about you and needs to focus. Curtis would want you to take care of yourself.” she encouraged and you reached in your bowel and picked up a piece of beef Tam had cooked that night, popping it in your mouth. But it felt huge, a ball rolling around your mouth as you made the attempt to chew and swallow. “They will be okay, I know these things. When they come back, they will have whoever is left and we will be rid of those threats.” </p>
  <p>You swallowed hearing this, the meat now a lead ball in your stomach. “And afterwards?” you asked, almost hopeful, in which Yona shrugged. </p>
  <p>“I have feelings, but I can’t read the future Y/N. To unpredictable. We will always be dealing with some hardships.” </p>
  <p>You knew she was right, but that part that was desperate for anything good would have taken a lie just then. “I’m going to bed, I’m exhausted.” Was the next words to fall from you as you pushed your way to a stand. Taking care of your dish, you made your way back through the train. Making a quick check on the kids, you bid them all goodnight before going to your room. It seemed so much bigger all alone when you stepped in, flicking on the lights and started to shed off clothing, folding it as you set your outer winter gear to place on the end of the bed. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, you glanced at the window, searching the darkened landscape wondering where the group was now. When you narrowed your eyes and squinted, you swore you could just barely see something orange in the distance. Pressing your fingers to your lips to place a kiss there, you reached to touch the glass, the cold from it making you shiver. </p>
  <p><em>You gotta trust Yona Babygirl.</em> You had to smile to yourself hearing that familiar voice, and your head dropped to let it wash over you. </p>
  <p><em>I do… my mind is just running away from me Curtis. Maybe a bit of guilt in not going with you? Fuck if I know, its just different this time.</em> You push to stand and turn the light off. Pulling down the blankets and fold your arms around his pillow to press your face into it, trying to find some rest.</p>
  <p>You swore in your mind you felt a dip in the bed, and your hand pressed against your stomach where his would normally, letting your imagination continue. </p>
  <p>
    <em>Just think Babygirl, after this we can think about a future, our future. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You think we really have one? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Of course I do, we wouldn’t have fought so hard if we didn’t have a future worth living in. </em>
  </p>
  <p><em>And what do you picture for our future Curtis? </em>You wriggled further into the bedding, letting the heat start to make your eyes close, and you could hear Curtis last words in your mind reminding you. </p>
  <p><em>Everything we ever talked about in the tail end Babygirl, all those things we only said in whispers. Home, a family.  </em>  </p>
  <p>     The group was quick to arrive at the city. The ice covered buildings loomed up suddenly in the landscape out of nowhere and they milled just outside of it, not wanting to give away that they were there. John, Curtis and Edgar approached closer, using a snowbank to hide behind while they used the scopes on the rifles to scan for any sign of movement. It wasn’t long till they saw a lone figure come from around a building and slip inside. “There… the old grocery store. Probably the most food they have had in a month.” John said as he slipped back down between the two men and Curtis clenched his jaw, debating on when to surprise them. Curtis turned to look at Edgar. “Think now or in the morning?” </p>
  <p>Edgar took a moment to register what Curtis was asking him, surprised but he stifled his previous anger and contemplated seriously. “Tonight, it will be easier to approach the building in the dark. Give everyone a rest. Then… go in.” </p>
  <p>John stayed silent while Curtis nodded in agreement to the man he always considered brother, regardless of all that had happened between them. “We’re made from the dark.” he glanced at the group squatting together yards away, most of them tailenders. People used to living in the cold and darkness, who knew what it took to survive. Pushing up to a stand, he held his hand out to Edgar. </p>
  <p>Edgar seemed hesitant to grasp it, eyes darting from Curtis’s outstretched hand and up to his face. Curtis knew Edgar still was angry at him, perhaps even hated him. But when the younger man clasped his hand and let him help him up. It gave him some hope in repairing their lost connection. “Listen Curtis…” Edgar started as John removed himself, heading back to the rest. Edgar looked down at the snow, taking a shuddering breath, his hands clenching at his sides. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for my mom, not really. I’ve fucking tried, Y/N even explained what was going on.” </p>
  <p>Curtis nodded, fully understanding how Edgar was feeling. “I don’t expect you to Edgar, I can’t forgive myself for what happened, I can’t expect the same from you.” </p>
  <p>“Just shut up Curtis.” Edgar snapped. “I don’t forgive you, but I probably would have done the same to someone else. So I understand. Maybe in time it will be different. But anyways, let’s take care of business alright? I will have your six, like always.” Edgar shrugged and brushed past Curtis, re-approaching the group. Even though they were not fixed, Curtis couldn’t help the relief he felt in knowing Edgar would have his back. </p>
  <p>They crossed the snowy terrain almost in silence. Most of their gear was left behind and nothing more than the soft crunch of snow under boots gave them away. Curtis approached first, his hand reaching out to ease the door open. Inside was silent, mostly. Towards the back were muffled voices and Johanna eased inside past Curtis to scan the room with the best of her abilities. </p>
  <p>With her training, Curtis let her go ahead, following along behind her. The rest of the group spread among the aisles, all of them stalking down in the darkness. A soft glow could be seen from the back, and the closer they approached, the louder the voices got. </p>
  <p>“Where did they come from? They couldn’t have survived the freeze.” </p>
  <p>“Apparently some did. Easy Mate, Jesus don’t need to finish ripping my arm off.”  </p>
  <p>“What are we going to do?” </p>
  <p>Curtis hovered near an empty shelf, just out of sight, listening when he heard Matt’s voice, clear as a bell. “Fuck I thought you men were trained to deal with people? No wonder Curtis took over Snowpiercer…” From behind, Curtis felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked over to see Edgar just behind him, mouthing to him. “Are we doing this?” </p>
  <p>A nod to Edgar confirmed the attack, and Edgar waved his hand behind him, giving the command to proceed. </p>
  <p>Once they stepped out and into sight, those that were around the small fire they kept burning scattered into a groceries backroom, ducking out of sight and yelling to run. Just as predicted they didn’t have much for ammunition. A few shots rang out at Curtis’s people, but they proceeded to chase them, a few more shots and then colliding bodies that sent them sprawling into shelves as they attacked one another. </p>
  <p>Curtis came out of the darkness like a devil himself, dressed in all black with the snap of his longer coat behind him while dodging around others who were locked in struggles. Edgar had bolted ahead of him, clearly on a mission. It all happened in a split second, but Curtis noticed the flash behind him, the upraised steel rod aiming for Edgar. A flashback of the last time, when Franco’s knife stabbed deep into Edgar’s back. This time Curtis did not hesitate, he paused and took aim with the gun he had hanging at his side. Once the broad part of the man’s upper back was in his sights, his finger squeezed, steady. It was all over in seconds, the pop sounded among the rest of the chaos and the man lunged forward from the impact, collapsing behind Edgar. He stuttered in confusion, and looked over his shoulder at the body then up to Curtis, giving a nod in thanks then back to scanning the room to find Matt.  </p>
  <p>Edgar was quick to spot Matt who was trying to hide between aisles, having witnessed Curtis shoot down his companion. Edgar lunged to where Matt disappeared from sight and was able to  grasp the back of Matt’s shirt to slam him down onto the cement floor, his boot pressed against his throat and leaning down to hiss at him. “Try running again Matt, I wont lose you a second time.” Matt whimpered and held his hand up in surrender and Curtis’s focus shifted to another who was trying to sneak around the fighting, bolt back out into the store and to freedom. </p>
  <p>His strides forward were calm, hiding the rage that had built over time. A rage that simmered from the 17 years of being caged, of how he had to turn into a killer to bring them out of the darkness, how they treated the ones he had left behind, how they used you till you broke for a short period of time. He became more of a predator, hunting his prey, his knuckles turning white around the grip he had on his ax handle. Muscles bunched and burned with effort as he raised the ax and the man flipped around, his eyes wide while he lowered to the ground, sure this was the end. “NO! It wasn’t me, I swear it wasn’t!” </p>
  <p>The ax made a downward swing, landing just at his skull, the blade pressing heavily against it, but not splitting into him. Glancing up, he saw Curtis staring him down like he was nothing more then the shit on the bottom of his shoes. Cold blue fire blazed at him while Curtis snarled out. “You are in no position to claim innocence. Your judges lay back at the train, where this all started.” Letting the ax fall broadside to his shoulder, he hooked it behind his neck and dragged him forward. Hooking his hand around his neck, Curtis yanked his captive to his feet and pulled him close, face to face while the man struggled in his hold. “And if Y/N tells me it was you, I will be carving your heart out.” Giving one last disgusted look, Curtis tossed him forward, making him stumble back towards the rest. “Now MOVE!” His gun raised, and a tremor of relief did pour through him. </p>
  <p>Once his captive stumbled back and the group stripped those left of anything dangerous, Curtis took count. Only seven were left, out of the mass of men that split in the beginning from the group, only a small amount were left. Matt cowered in the group, but Curtis dragged him out. “Where are the rest of them Matt?” </p>
  <p>“What do you think Curtis? Dead, you probably passed them on your way here, buried in the snow.” He spat out, the fight in your brother fading. The others shifted behind him uneasily, but no one rebutted his statement. </p>
  <p>“Get moving…” Curtis pushed Matt back to the rest of the men, and the rest gathered the supplies they had brought. Renewed energy rising in them like the sun coming up, a new dawn and another step to finally ending the last of the threat. Edgar pulled up next to Curtis, also watching them start marching back. </p>
  <p>“Think this will be the end?” Edgar asked while they both started bringing up the rear, each one dragging an ax and gun at their side in case anyone tried to break away from the group. </p>
  <p>“I do… “ Curtis responded, taking in a deep cleansing breath, feeling a heavy weight rise off his shoulders and the sun warm his face.</p>
  <p>The group was slow moving, but once they were specs in the distance, a figure moved from another building, and a person moved from out behind a door, lifting a pair of binoculars to there face, counting to themselves quickly and when the glasses lowered, they reached up to readjust a scarf over there face, and duck back inside, securely closing the door behind him.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The World Is Changing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Curtis Everett x You. This is it, the end of Wilfords reign on the Survivors lives, and time to embrace the future, whatever it may hold for the group. </p>
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  <p>Edit by <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mrFgBhHKaV8XtuAjgMbOrMA">@angrybirdcr</a></p>
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  <p>Artwork by <a class="tumblelog" href="https://tmblr.co/mgM7xZ_21fagV3tnjJOSUow">@hopelessartgeek</a></p>
  <p>That whole night you tossed and turned, tried your best to sleep. You had been sleep deprived before, knew that havoc it would wreck on your body. But after the hundredth time tossing to your back and tilting your head to look out the window behind you, you knew it just wasn’t going to happen. Not this night, or the nights Curtis would be gone.<b><br/></b></p>
  <p>It was all reminiscent of the revolt, sitting in that train’s doorway in the bitter cold with John, thinking that Curtis was dead while trying to protect the others from Wilfords men, when you were surviving just because your adrenaline had yet to crash.</p>
  <p>Again your chest felt heavy with the not knowing, so much that you kicked off the blankets and sat on the edge of the bed. Drawing in deep gasps, or trying to. But it was a vice in your chest, and tears brimmed the edge of your eyes. Before it was all about keeping the kids alive, working on those injured and watching over everyone. You didn’t have that this time. The kids were all safe in another car, there was a doctor who was far more trained than you were, and you all were safe. Snowpiercer wasn’t under attack by Wilford. </p>
  <p>
    <em>So why couldn’t you breathe? </em>
  </p>
  <p>A knock against your door made you gasp out suddenly, a rush of air filling your lungs and you brushed the wetness that had hid in your lashes to call out. “Who is it?” </p>
  <p>“It’s Yona, you’re needed or else I wouldn’t be bothering you so late.” the young woman said which prompted you to push up to a stand and slip behind the door, cracking it just enough to see her bright eyes peering at you from the shadows beyond your door. “Timmy, he had a bad dream, and now the rest of the kids are all a bit worked up. They keep asking for you. I’m sure they can feel the tension on here with everything going on.” </p>
  <p>Your mind immediately shifted from your inner turmoil to taking care of the children. “Of course, give me a moment to get redressed and I will be right down.” You slipped back to close the door and gathered your clothing, finishing it off with one of Curtis’s smaller coats since you didn’t know how long you would be, plus it was warmer. That’s how you rationalized it, but then you pressed your face against the collar and that all too familiar masculine scent warmed your senses when your breath pressed into the fabric and you smiled to yourself. It smelled just like Curtis. When you opened the door, the moonlight from the window spilled into the dark alley of the train and Yona blinked at the sudden silver of the light, shielding her eyes till you closed it behind you. </p>
  <p>“I will join you.” She hooked her arm through yours in a friendly way and you two headed through the car to pass into the other one. Familiar now with the narrow passageway, and passing other doors that you knew had sleeping occupants behind them, safe in the beds. More of that anxiety started easing away, Yona talking in soft whispers about what she suspected Timmy had a nightmare about to fill you in. When you two reached the door and eased it open, you were greeted with soft snores and sighs of the kids having fallen back to sleep. The only thing out of place was Timmy sitting up on his mattress, sniffling while running his hand across his face. Both you and Yona moved to the small bed, and you moved to kneel down on it, tilting your head at Timmy a moment. “Hey bud, what’s wrong?” Timmy’s eyes gleam from the tears in the bit of light there is in the room. </p>
  <p>“I miss my mom.” His little shoulders shook with an uncontrolled sob. “I had a bad dream and now she’s not here Y/N.” You and Yona glanced at one another, as this had been the first time he really talked about Tonya. You shifted across the bed, and moved to sit next to him, your back leaning against the wall, Yona moving over next to him on his other side, and rubbing his back. </p>
  <p>“My mom used to tell me stories of the outside.” You said softly while lifting your arm and Timmy pressed into your side, sniffling as his hands curled into your coat as to hold onto you. </p>
  <p>“Mom used to tell me about when she was a kid.” Timmy said and you tilted your head back, letting your fingers scratch lightly at his scalp while brushing through his curls. Yona continued to rub his back through the hiccups he had after crying. </p>
  <p>“When I was a kid, I used to ride my bike everywhere with my friends…” You started when Timmy perked up. </p>
  <p>“Whats a bike?” His head tilting up and you chuckled softly, remembering when Edgar had asked you the same thing as a child. Yona looked curious as well at you and you went into descriptions of a bike, continuing afterwards and sure to pause to describe things on the train. You did your best, describing houses and yards, what roads were. And eventually halfway through you could feel Timmy had nodded off to sleep. Going quiet, you grasp the blanket half fallen off him, and tug it back around his shoulders. </p>
  <p>“That was a lovely story.” Yona said and you nodded. </p>
  <p>“I wish you all could have seen it all. Gotten to live a life away from this hell.” You admitted and Yona shrugged softly. </p>
  <p>“You can’t miss what you don’t know right?” Yona passed a smile and you had to give it to her, she was right. “But it won’t always be like this. Already things are changing.” She said while stretching her legs out in front of her and moving Timmy’s blanket to cover her to, cuddling in closer to the sleeping boy. </p>
  <p>“What do you mean Yona?” You asked curiously as she closed her eyes, appearing to attempt sleep. </p>
  <p>“I don’t know, a feeling… I don’t think all those things you talk about will be far off for earth. But what do I know, I am a train baby living in a world of dreams.” She scooted down into the blankets and you just blinked at her curiously before turning back to a sleeping Timmy who’s eyelids twitched in his dreams and he gave soft snores. You knew at that point you wouldn’t be leaving the childrens car, and let your own head tip forward to relax and this time you had no trouble breathing before sleep. </p>
  <p>***************</p>
  <p>Curtis stopped the group just after morning when they reached train again, towards the back end where their hostages had been staying before. Right now the group was dead on their feet, clearly exhausted and Curtis didn’t dare continue pushing them, leaving them vulnerable. Especially if the rag tag group of hostages decided to turn on them in a last attempt of freedom. They had to know what was coming, there were no more chances. After everything that has already happened, Curtis was tempted just to kill them on the ice, let the snow claim their bodies and never speak of it again. </p>
  <p>But there were the victims they had to answer to, which he had promised them. Most had moved on, used to such hostile conditions. But then he thought of You, his girl who still had to fight with your fears in the simplest moments. Like when his hands rested on you intimately, or late at night when you forgot that you were no longer in the tail end. Those times you had to have him stop, clutching to him and trying to remember that he wouldn’t hurt you. Those were the worst, that you could ever be scared of him. Why what he did when he overpowered you in anger gnawed at his chest darkly, because that time he deserved your fear, even though you assured him later. </p>
  <p>Some of ending was for himself, because he wanted to make every single one of them pay for siding with Wilford, perfectly fine with keeping them trapped in the iron box for 17 years. That anger simmered below the surface as he remained quiet, not daring to open his mouth and say anything more than what was necessary. Everything about him was to remain cool and collected, even though inside was a rage that simmered brutally.</p>
  <p>Sitting in an open doorway of the train care, the ax sat nearby propped against the wall, and his rifle was stretched across his lap, keeping an eye on the huddled hostages trying to keep warm but not daring to whisper while he had a keen eye on him, they seemed so subdued. But Curtis couldn’t find it in himself to let his gaze break from them or let his guard down. </p>
  <p>Edgar was nearby, near a fire that John had fed some of the train garbage to to keep it light up, stretching his hands to the flames while squatting next to it. He glanced at Edgar who was vividly watching Curtis across the fire. </p>
  <p>“What’s on your mind kid?” John finally asked which Edgar snapped his gaze down, using his sleeve to buff at the head of the ax as if he was cleaning the blade from earlier. Already it had been taken care of, but the motion allowed him to be quiet for a moment. John did not push, waiting to see if Edgar would open up on his own. </p>
  <p>“You’ve known Curtis long enough now. What do you think of him?” Edgar finally asked and John looked at the young man and then to the man taking it on himself to watch over their hostages by himself while everyone else rested. </p>
  <p>“What do I think? I think he is very self sacrificing to the point it might end up killing him one day.” John said matter of factly and Edgar huffed as if in disagreement. John’s gaze lifted to him and continued. “I heard what had happened to your Mama, and I’m sorry about that. But Edgar you really don’t know. I’m not going into details, because our Car had it better than the tail end did, but we were close to losing it too. So what do I see when I look at Curtis? A man who did what he had to, and has lived just about everyday trying to make up for it. He will do whatever he can to make it better for the whole group, even if it means he doesn’t survive to see it. Try holding the weight of all our survival on your shoulders Edgar and hating what you have become to do it.” John said before turning back to the fire to watch the flames dance different colors from the various things they had burned. </p>
  <p>The words sunk in even though Edgar wanted to reject what he said, wanted to still let that hot anger stay in his gut since he felt he had been cheated in life. He no longer wanted to kill Curtis, not like he had when he first found out. But part of him felt that the tail ender hadn’t suffered in the way he deserved. That raw part of his anger still rolled in him although he once more followed him into the fight. Edgar was thoroughly confused about what he felt, conflicted to follow the man he has for years, and to hate him for everything he has happened in his lifetime. Edgar stared into the flames, letting his mind wander. </p>
  <p>It wasn’t long until Curtis got them moving again, moving slower then they had before with the extra people, but  most of the trail was cut from when they had followed them before. Each car they managed to pass, the prisoners started to slow down a little more, sure that their fate was sealed. </p>
  <p>Which it was, this really was the end of the line for them. Curtis and the rest of the people couldn’t afford to live with being attacked over and over. They had managed to get past the differences of the past, but these men. They firmly believed in Wilfords vision and were unwilling to change, including Matt. That was the hardest part for Curtis, knowing it was your brother. <em>Would you have changed your mind in the time he was gone about what had to happen? Would you be able to forgive him for having to kill him? Could he live with you ever hating him for protecting you?</em></p>
  <p>Brushing those thoughts away, Curtis glanced in the dark entrance to a car, recognizing it as one they had hauled everything out of weeks ago. They were closer to the front then he realized. Johanna was leading ahead, using the scope on the rifle to keep sight well ahead of them when he heard her call out that she could see the camp. Using the butt of his ax, Curtis pushed the prisoner who was just ahead of him forward, his tone unforgiving but not with anger, just with sincerity. “Keep going, no use in stalling any longer.” </p>
  <p>***************</p>
  <p>You heard someone shout from outside that the party was back, and you glanced at Yona who was also spending time with the kids. She gave a nod that you should go and she would stay with them, not wanting any of the children to go outside and see the terrible things about to commence. You were quick to go to your room to grab your coat and stuff your hands in a pair of gloves before making your way outside of the train. Swinging down and joining the crowd as they worked their way around the fires to greet the returning group. You went around, looking over familiar faces of friends, and past those that were being held captive. You weren’t ready to see Matt for that matter, or to possibly recognize your attacker from before. Swallowing hard to keep your cool, you searched out for two people. The first being Edgar, he gave a slight nod in your direction when he caught your eyes, mouthing ‘Where’s Yona?’ from over the heads of others. You pointed to the train and he split from the group to go inside. You stalled a moment, wondering what that was about, but then you went back to searching out for Curtis. </p>
  <p>You finally caught sight of him in the back, bringing up the rear. You split wide around, not giving anyone an opportunity from the prisoners to make a grab for you, and came up to his side. The charges he was taking care of were collected just as you reached him and he carefully set the rifle and ax down to lean against the side of the train before turning to you. He seemed hesitant at first, just as he had done since he got a bit rough with you before, and you stepped into his hold so he wouldn’t have to wonder any longer, sliding your hands under his jacket to feel along his sweater-clad chest. “You are not hurt are you Curtis?” you asked softly as you continued your inspection. So far he seemed fine, just tired in his face but no signs of being in pain, which you were thankful for. </p>
  <p>“No, it was a lot easier then we expected.” His hand went to your face, brushing back the heavy long hair over your shoulder, his fingers cold to the touch at first having his hands bare out in the cold. “They are worn out and the fight is basically out of them. They know there is nowhere for them to go, and have to face their fate.” </p>
  <p>Hearing him say that was a lot easier than you expected. Your gaze left Curtis as you glanced over at the rag tag group kneeling in the center of the mob of people. The group that had brought them in guarded over them, each person kneeling staring down the end of a rifle or the end of a gleaming ax. Your throat closed a moment when you saw Matt sneering up at Edgar, flashing back to a time they were both just kids playing together. But that was long ago, and now you knew he would kill any of you over showing mercy. </p>
  <p>As long as he was alive, none of you were safe. “Then it’s time.” You said simply, turning back to Curtis, whose fingers were just starting to warm up against your cheek, and you could see the resolve in his eyes mirroring your own. Kissing your forehead, Curtis stepped away from you, picking up his ax again as he descended on the group. </p>
  <p>“What will it take to spare us.” One of them near Matt piped up, shuffling to his knees, and his face turned up to look at Curtis. You had followed behind Curtis, and when the man’s face lifted, you stiffened. His face was horribly mutilated right now, one of his eyes missing, and having healed over. </p>
  <p>Flashbacks of that voice taunting you while pinning your body underneath him. <em>“He aint coming for you Lovely, but you’re a good little whore ain’t ya… gonna come for me right now. I know you like yourself a real man.” </em></p>
  <p>Recalling the memory of his hands all over you as he raped you made you gag, and Curtis heard you heaving behind him, looking over his shoulder to see you trying to take deep breaths to calm down. The prisoner tilted a bit to try and look around Curtis, his eye narrowing to see what had distracted Curtis when he was trying to plead their case. </p>
  <p>“Fucking hell…” The man stuttered, Curtis ignoring him while he turned to you, his hands cupping your face and making you look at him. </p>
  <p>“Y/N, Babygirl breathe.” He said to anchor you. You took a deep breath and felt his hands gentle on you, reminding you that you weren’t back in that car and at the bastard’s mercy. “You got away, and I’m not going to let him touch you again.” And that was it, immediately the bile disappeared and you felt your racing heart start to slow. You pressed your forehead against Curtis’s chest for a moment and took a deep breath, letting your senses fill with him. Under your fingertips, his strength became yours, the smell of the wool of his sweater that was slightly damp from the snow centering you to the here and now, the deepness of his voice turning gentle with your name. Heavy hands braced against your back, calm as they rubbed slightly. He was right, you had gotten away, and now he the bastard couldn’t take your power away from you. </p>
  <p>From behind Curtis, Matt started laughing, shaking his head. “Weak, fucking weak Sister. He is helpless before you and you’re still shaking with fear.” You felt Curtis’s fingers tighten their hold on you in anger at Matt. You eased his hold loose on you and reached in Curtis’ jacket, pulling out a blade you knew he kept on him. </p>
  <p>“No Matt, that is not true. I survived, which is less then I can say for you because you are so fucking corrupted, you cant see any other way.” Your hand fisted around the blade and Edgar made a grab at your rapist who was struggling now to get away from you. Your hand fisted in his hair, tilting his head back to stretch out his neck. Leaning in close to whisper to him, your face twisted a bit in disgust at him. Curtis hovered behind you, his hand resting loosely on your back just so you knew he was there. “You tried your hardest to break me, make me yours. Do you remember taunting me, how you thought you ruined me, that Curtis was dead. Was ready to pass me around to others. Look at us now.”</p>
  <p>“List-listen girl, I was just doing what I was told to do by him.” His head tilted towards Matt. “Him and Wilford told us to do it, to make you all suffer. I was just carrying out orders.” Tears welled up in his eye, fear making his chest rise and fall as his breathing quickened. He jerked his shoulders trying to break out of Edgars hold and your blade further into his skin, red beads welling under the blade. “I swear I’ve changed, just let me go and I will go far away from here.” </p>
  <p>“You didn’t show any of us mercy when we were begging. Be grateful I’m making this quick, which is the least I can say you did to us in the tail end.” </p>
  <p>His eye widened, pleading with you as his tongue stuttered in his mouth, and you let the pressure behind the knife slice forward, the blade sharp because Curtis had spent hours caring for their weapons. Blood steamed hot as it burst into the cold air and his scream was cut abruptly. Before you could drop the blade, Curtis caught your hand in his and removed the knife from your trembling hand. Edgar held on till he was sure your rapist couldn’t do anything other than strangle on his blood and loss of oxygen, letting his body fall into the snow to turn it pink. </p>
  <p>Matt nearby watched the whole thing, an unreadable expression as he looked at his comrade. You looked Matt up and down, the loyalty you had for him finally gone. “Goodbye Matt… I’m sorry you had turned into this.” </p>
  <p>Turning away and pressing your hand against Curtis’s chest, you gave a slight smile. “I will be inside when you all are finished.” He drew you in momentarily, dropping his head to whisper. </p>
  <p>“I will be in soon Babygirl.” Pressing his lips warmly against your forehead, he released you. The crowd split to let you through. As you left they closed back up, enclosing the prisoners in a human wall once again. Matt now panicked, seeing just how real the situation of his execution had become. </p>
  <p>“Y/N, Come back!” He screamed. “I’m your brother! You can’t let me be killed! Y/N! You left me to Wilford. I did what I did to survive!” He screamed. </p>
  <p>But you were already inside the train, stiffening your back to his cries behind you. That was the past, that was when you were a victim of the tail end. Stepping into the room with the group’s children, this was your future. They didn’t need to be tainted with the evil behind you. </p>
  <p>***************</p>
  <p>Curtis hefted his ax up, his features hardening as he advanced on Matt. “It’s over Matt, finally.” Matt sneered up at Curtis, hissing at him in his last attempt of survival. “You think Y/N will really stay with you knowing you murdered her brother? Can’t stop can you, this is what you will always be Curtis, why do you think Wilford chose you to take Minister Masons place. You are a killer through and through but you can change.” </p>
  <p>“You don’t think I haven’t already thought about all that Matt.” Curtis said with a roll of his shoulders to loosen his tension, his tone matter of fact. “Truth is I am always going to be exactly this. Doing what has to be done for us to survive. If Y/N hates me… but shes safe, I will learn to live with it.” Matt’s features fell, dread coming across his face at Curtis’s words. Nothing could change the Mans mind now, no matter what Matt threw at him, and Matt knew it.</p>
  <p>Curtis raised his ax for a maximum swing. “You have no more power over any of us, not anymore.” With a downward swing the ax came down with a killing blow, Matt crumpling under the blows Curtis dealt. It was like the initiation the group needed to destroy the last of Wilfords men. The group broke over the others, their executions swift. The screams quickly died out, and the icy landscape had once again seen blood. </p>
  <p>Once it was over, Curtis stepped back, feeling exhaustion wash over him. His hand dropping the ax in his hand. Edgar came over, shaking himself in adrenaline. “You okay Man?”</p>
  <p>Curtis let himself have a moment to compose himself from the rush, there was just one thing he needed right then and there. “I will be.” He said as he simply walked away, going to the train, going to you. </p>
  <p>***************</p>
  <p>You had left the children in the capable hands of Yona, with the understanding they needed to stay in their train car that day. You made your way back to your own section that you and Curtis have turned into home. Just entering, you saw Curtis just standing there. Some blood streaked across his face, but you knew this time it wasn’t his own. He also looked a bit lost in the moment, not entirely sure of what to do next as his eyes fell on yours and breathed out your name, like he was looking for something to really hold onto. “Y/N…” </p>
  <p>“Is it finished… really finished now Curtis?” you shed your outer clothes, dropping them to the bed top before approaching him to ease his jacket off his shoulders, your hand reaching up for his beanie and slipping that off as well. All his layers, so many layers he traveled in. You shed each one from him to get to the man underneath, knowing that he needed the help right now, needed support after everything he had to do. The one thing you knew about Curtis, was that he would carry all of it personally like a festering wound, slow to heal. </p>
  <p>“It’s all over, everyone connected to Wilford is gone and won’t be a danger to us anymore.” Curtis didn’t try to stop you as your hand fell to his belt, unlooping it. You pulled his belt out and his hands fell to your hips, flexing his fingers through the layers and his hand caught the hem of your shirt which you lifted your arms and let him draw if off of you. Marveling at your warmth as you pushed at his shirts. He stilled you, his hands catching around your wrists to bring them to his face, your hands cupping around his jaw as he pressed the gentlest of kisses against the thud of your pulse. “You can forgive me, someday Y/N?” </p>
  <p>What you wouldn’t give to be able to read his mind right now as you looked in his eyes that looked older than he actually was. Fingers grazed through the bristles of his beard and you gave him the tiniest smiles to ease the worry in them. “There is nothing to forgive. Thank you for doing what I couldn’t ever do Curtis. For not letting me do that.” </p>
  <p>Some of the worry melted from his eyes, and you eased your wrists from his hold, cupping the back of his neck while brushing fingers along the short bristles of his hair, knowing it was a soothing feeling for him. “Let me warm you up Handsome” You said in a way you knew he wouldn’t deny you, in  which he released you to shrug the last shirt off. Your fingers curled in his pants and pulled him into the bathroom, continuing to slide clothing off your body. </p>
  <p>He followed suit, taking cues from you till you were both naked, flushing into him to grasp his cheeks and go to tiptoes to slide your nose against his own, your lips just resting against his in a gentle kiss before smiling at him. “Thank you for coming home to me, again.” You broke into a smile. </p>
  <p>Curtis let his hands fall to your hips, his thumbs sweeping over your softness and fingers curling into you, holding onto you. “Babygirl, always I will come back for you. You are home.” Pressing you back to step into the shower, the two of you pressing into the tile of the shower, kissing each other with a deepness further then lust, pouring everything you two shared into that kiss. Your hand curled around his neck, arching to tip toes as you reached behind you for the showers knobs and turned on the water to spill over the two of you. </p>
  <p>The warm water ran rivets over your naked bodies as two collapsed into one another, Curtis grasping the back of your thighs to lift you to wrap around his waist, spreading kisses slightly scratching down your neck and over your collarbone, all the while raspy voiced. “You’ve always been it for me Babygirl.” Sure to tattoo those words into your skin, your eyes closed as you arched for him, his mouth claiming a breast. His mouth had you gasping lightly as he continued to take you higher with passion. </p>
  <p>The water felt like it was washing it all away for Curtis, the last of the tail end. The sweat and blood from the last days swirling away down the drain, leaving just him and you behind. And as he said before, it’s always been you for him, just you. He didn’t want to live this life without you at his side. </p>
  <p>The fire in your belly started to kindle, your thighs clenching tighter around his waist to lose any space between the two of you. Finally you gasped out, digging your fingers into the muscles clenched on his back to hold yourself to him. </p>
  <p>“There couldn’t be another Curtis.” You whimpered out, feeling him tighten his chest against yours to hold you still and his hand fit between your bodies, his fingers dancing so intimately in your folds, right where you ached for him so much. Curtis let his forehead lean against yours, blue eyes staring so intently at you that the first push into your aching entrance had you squeezing your eyes shut. </p>
  <p>“No Y/N, look at me, let me see.” He demanded with a deeper tone, and it was that of a leader, your leader, your partner and lover. You couldn’t deny him such a simple request. Immediately they opened again, trying to focus as Curtis touched you in the way only you ever wanted him to. Each stroke brought you closer and closer to coming undone. When Curtis felt you just about to come, his mouth crashed against yours swallowing your cries as his own while you came completely undone, tensing between him and the wall, then sinking into bliss while Curtis supported you. “I got you Babygirl, I won’t let you go.” </p>
  <p>
    <b>6 Months Later</b>
  </p>
  <p>Life settled for the group after the final execution. They flourished without the fear of being attacked hanging over them. Food was abundant, the greenhouse tended and cared for, seeds stored away, fruits and vegetables were in abundance. The animals they had were treasured, cared for with the utmost care. What was predicted as springtime, they were blessed with a newborn calf that the children were all fascinated with, as well as the egg laying chickens left with gaggles of chicks running around after the mother hens. You were frequent in those cars, teaching the kids the responsibility to helping life thrive, how they helped one another survive. You all protected the animals and kept them fed, the cattle gave you cream for butter and cheese, the chickens provided eggs. </p>
  <p>Curtis himself worked on the train with the engineer, learning the ins and outs of how to keep the necessities running as long as possible, maintaining the battery that was still running the train for now and watching over the water supply, learning to filter water back into the tank using the snow. Groups of people would scavenge metal from the ruined cars to enforce the area they were living in.</p>
  <p>They explored beyond the train, going in the opposite direction from the city to see what could be found. Miles away they came across trees, tall forests of ice covered trees but underneath that snow and ice they were green and alive. Curtis pulled at a branch to smell the sharp scent as he crushed the needles between his fingers. Somehow managed to get enough sun to continue growing in the extreme cold. Underneath the branches was the next surprise. Tracks, animal tracks to be exact. Curtis studied for a long time, looking for what could make them, and then with trained eyes he saw it. White rabbits would dart from where they blended in the landscape, equally white weasels with beady black eyes ran up to his boot, chittering at him angrily before they scurried away. Pairs of ptmartigans screeched in flight as they burst in front of him, landing close by to huddle again, and tuck their heads into their backs to fight back the cold, quickly blending into the landscape once again. There was life on the surface, it gave them all hope.</p>
  <p>The group started to try and make snares and traps, wandering away from the safety of the train to try and catch some of their food. After several trials and errors, traps started filling with protein, providing them with fresh meat and fur that could be used for different things. Others on the train were skilled in leather making and clothes making. </p>
  <p>On top of all this, Curtis was happier. He no longer had the leader role that had been been thrust upon him in the tail end, now the responsibility was shared among others, the council they started forming into the people making the future choices, all sharing the responsibility. </p>
  <p>Things were as strong as ever between You and Curtis as well. Since that day you had taken back your own honor from your rapist, it unleashed something in Curtis. He simply couldn’t get enough of you now, and although he checked frequently to be sure you were okay with it, he was no longer worried that he would be too much for you as he was before. Curtis often pulled you to the side to press his love into kisses, whispering against your neck how wild you drove him. To say you didn’t enjoy how attentive he was to you would be a lie, you blossomed under his love and support. </p>
  <p>Today had you pinned against the metal door of your room, your legs locked around him, one hand grasping his shoulder and the other against the door frame as he thrusted hard into you, the muscles in his ass and thighs taunt from the back and forth snaps. Curtis’s hands dug into that space between your hips and ass, moving you to meet him. It was rough, hard and in the middle of the day, and you were giving the filthiest moans, spurring him on. “Fuck baby, cant keep quiet can you?” You heard him smirk where he was sucking on your collarbone to leave a mark. “You feel so fucking good Babygirl.” He groaned as you tightened around his cock, loving the way you were unable to contain yourself, nor felt the need to anymore. </p>
  <p>“Shit baby, I’m about to cum* he grunted, shuddering under your hands when you fluttered around him, hiding your face in his shoulder, whimpering as he ground his hips against yours, pressing his cock deeper if it was even possible to fill you even more.</p>
  <p>"Touch me Handsome, its all I need.” You finally were able to find the words and Curtis tilted his head to sloppily kiss your while reaching between you. A vigorous messy rub had you clenching and cursing against his mouth, your hands digging into his back and you shuddered over and over as that sweet delicious tension riddled you into a blissful gasping state. A hand slid to your thigh and he tapped the muscle to get your attention as he was at a slight loss of words trying keep himself reigned in. It registered what he wanted and you unlocked your ankles, allowing him to move and lower you to the mattress with a slight drop. Curtis jerked his cock over you, although he couldn’t come in you, he could cum on you, and heavy spurts landed on your thighs and belly. He collapsed beside you on the bed, panting with deep chest raising breaths. Tipping your head to look over at him, he looked peaceful. Eyes closed, relaxed…. It made you smile.</p>
  <p>Slitting one eye open, he glanced at you watching him so intently “What is it Dahlin’ ?” He drawled out, the grin on his face plastered almost permanently for the time being. </p>
  <p>“Nothing, you’re gonna find it silly” you state and fall back to stare upwards.</p>
  <p>Well now he had to know, and rolling enough to lean over you, he pulled at your lips in a kiss. “You will when you’re ready” Curtis simply said as he pushed off the bed to go for a cloth in the bathroom, and returned to clean himself off you gently, far more gently then when he claimed you earlier. Your eyes closed while you relaxed under his touch till he moved away again to take care of himself. Afterwards he returned to stretch on the bed next to you, shifting to lean over you once more.</p>
  <p>Dropping lower, he kissed down along your collarbone, grazing his beard to tingle between the valley of your breasts and resting his head underneath the curves, his hand possessively wrapped over your hip.</p>
  <p>You had remained quiet this whole time, instead you focused on those freckles on his shoulders, trailing a nail along them while he settled, your gaze falling down along his back, marked with tiny scars. You planned on kissing each one someday.</p>
  <p>You both were riddled with them, years of rough living would do that. But it just showed you survived hell to get here, and fuck if you would trade this for anything. You loved being able to be with Curtis in the most intimate of ways, being able to see him sated in the afternoon light that dabbled across his back as he truly relaxed without fear of Wilford or the front end. </p>
  <p>“I was just thinking how good all of this is Curtis, how far we have come. A year ago we were barely staying alive, and now look at us.” You said softly, and you felt Curtis arm tighten slightly around you, lifting his head enough to look up at you. </p>
  <p>“Because we did it together.” You felt his lips brush a kiss into your ribs, the slight scratch of his chin tickling you before he shifted to lay up next to you, seeking your lips for himself. This time he pulled you across him, which you easily settled into him, your hand sliding up and down his chest while your head rested on his shoulder. “I’m really proud of you Babygirl, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” </p>
  <p>You hid your face against him for a moment, silence washing back over you. The warmth falling from the sun beams was making you two fall into a half sleep that came with afternoon naps. It wasn’t till you heard a steady dripping above you that made you twist in his hold to look up, streaming down the windows was water. Rivers across the glass that broke up some of the sunlight. Nudging Curtis to open his eyes, you pointed up at the window pane. </p>
  <p>“The snow… its melting Curtis.” </p>
  <p>He tilted to look up as well, a smile curling his lips. “The world is changing Babygirl, just as Nam said it was. He told me that the snow was coming to an end. That this kind was ready to let go.” </p>
  <p>Now was the time for a new way of life, the time after Snowpiercer finally came to a stop.</p>
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